A
female
age
41-50,
*mp
writes:hello im 30 and a mum of 4. i had an affair 6 months ago but still with husband, he even found out but we are still together but he does not trust me, any arguments he says it is my fault and calls me names in front of kids. he eventully says sorry he is really tired from work. but i now recently feel i cant cope and feel very sad and alone and very angry inside, i keep grinding my teeth. i feel terrible. i cant talk to him at all, i get accused of moaning and nagging. Please help me please.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2011): "You had an affair..NOW THIS HAS SERIOUSLY HURT HIM.."Anon Female is spot on in her advice. I just want to add that I don't think u actually realise what you have done- the magnitude of your betrayal.You hurt this man, you betrayed his trust. You destroyed a part of him. Do u still want your lover? Is this what u are still yearning for? You have 4 kids whose lives will be destroyed if u continued your affair or if you started another one.I know u will not like hearing this, but what else did u expect from your hb? All hugs and love without him lashing out at you? You broke your vows. You deliberately cheated and now you are facing the aftermath of your affair. You are lucky your hb wants u still and he did not throw you out.I know you want sympathy but u broke the trust and respect. It is going to take a long long time for him to get over your affair. He will throw names at you, he may belittle you, but this is his coping mechanism. You are feeling sorry for yourself but how about feeling sorry for him?Please get some marital counselling, like the other Uncle has suggested.This is a long road to recovery. Some very bad days ahead but it is necessary in order to heal.LoveGirl
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2011): You had an affair..NOW THIS HAS SERIOUSLY HURT HIM...Can you imagine if you found out he was having an affair..How would you feel?? I bet you wouldnt just feel like brushing it under the carpet and continuing as normal(which seems to be what you are asking him to do)....Your husband is hurting and is suffering from a lot of painful emotions hence the outbursts and name calling...I'm not saying the way he is handling this at the moment is right but you have to try and understand the devastation your action ahs caused and it hasnt been that long since he found out...I suggest you try and open up to him..perharps you could both explore why you chose to have an affair in the first place and how you can prevent it from happening again...Let him know how sorry you are to have hurt him so deeply and try to be patient with him...Ypu should try and get some counselling and always be open and honest with each other to try and build back trust...This is going to be easy for you or for him ..and yes there are going to be times when he will throw the affair in you face but with time as he heals this should hopefully pass..NOW WHATEVER YOU DO DO NOT CONTEMPLATE ANOTHER AFFAIRno matter how hard things are at hope overlapping relations will cause more problems than they solve...You have to understand your infidelity hits him to the core..He might be thinking he was not able to satisfy his wife she had to go somewhere else(this may not just be about sex alone but in other areas) and every time he cannot account for your whereabouts, it raises fears due to the lack of trust....Please show him you are sorry by working to gain his trust and respect, forget your ego for the time being....Also you need to find a way to communicate with him without moaning and nagging...Just speak to him in a loving way...Love begets love..All the best
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