A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:They always say time heals all wounds. In my case I dont feel that way. Me and my ex broke up a couple months ago, well actually the end of september. We still talked but he was always so mean to me I dont understand why I put myself through it for so long. One of the last cpl of conversations he made the comment to me that at the end of our relationship he had cheated on me and was just using me for sex. I must say it broke my heart. Over the summer me and this man had an amazing time. He got me outta my shell and I felt like I did things I never done before all cuz of him. I was able to breathe again. I felt like I was new. Towards the end of our realtionship we fought alot and I knew and seen our break up coming. We never could be friends cuz although he moved on whenever I mentioned another man he would get so mad and say some messed up things to try and hurt me (it worked) I finally gave up and changed my number and didnt give it him. With time I began to miss him and after a few weeks text him from my sisters phone to see how he was and was informed he hated me and to never text or call him again. After all that he said and done to me I should hate this man? But I cant bring myself to feel anything still but love for him. I think about him every day. I remember the memories and the things we did and I cant help but wish I had that time back in my life. It makes me so depressed and no matter how hard I try I cant get over it. He always use to say if it was meant to be int he future we would get back together. Is this something I should let go and forget about any hope of and if so how? How do you change your heart from the love it felt so long to feel hate as it should for all the things its been put through? Please someone help me.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2007): The answer to your first question is no you should not hate him. Be angry, but don't hate. Hate is like a cancer that eats away at you and in the end the one you'll end up hateing the most is yourself.
For the second question forget about having any sort of relationship with him but do not forget what he did to you. Remembering the ways he broke you down will help you to let go of any feelings you have about going back to him. As for how maybe talk about this with some trusted friends and/or family. If that doesn't help than try going to a counselor as Star 07 suggested.
For the third question as I said before don't hate. Hating him will only ruin your life a second time after what he has already done to you.
A
female
reader, Star_07 +, writes (17 December 2007):
 Im sorry but I am a little bit confused! You were with one guy that was mean to you and then you met someone else and he was mean to you in the end as well?? If thats what you are saying than here is where I stand on the issue. When someone hurts you and makes you feel bad about yourself, they are not your friend, that is not love! You definately should move on with your life. I really think you need some time alone because you need to repair the damage these men did to you. Do you have any friends/family you are close with? Perhaps you should spend time with other people, and talk about how you feel. Also spend time by yourself. You deserve so much better than that and you need to know this. You need to be who you are and once you have been hurt like that its hard to pick yourself up and be happy and healthy. Talk to people, talk to a counselor, find a new hobby, do some traveling. There are tons of things for you to do to make yourself better. And once you are better, you will find someone that is better too and would never dream of hurting you.
Good Luck!
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