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male
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anonymous
writes: ive been with my girlfiend for nearly 4 years, i do anything she wants and we have been really happy,, i made her dinner the other day with flowers and everything just normal,, we wnet up stairs everything was fine.. then she just bursts into tears and says she doenst know what she wants,, i said do you want to split up with me, she said she didnt know,, there is no reason what so ever,, i love her more than anything in the world and i think we have something really special.. She also said she wanted to still stay the night but i said no then she said can i just see you. but im really hurt and dont know what to do.. she said she would phone me next day but i had to. she stilll says she doenst know what she wants and now she says she doent want to go another 2 years down the line and regret it. im so hurt please help me.. shes 21 im 22
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male
reader, Ponungalungb  +, writes (28 August 2006):
 I've been on the same side as this before too. I suspected someone else was making inroads into her emotional heart, and lo and behold, I ran into her one night when she was shopping, having a conversation with a guy that seemed like more than just a casual meeting. When I came within view, the conversation ended quickly and the guy disappeared into the night. My relationship with her quickly followed suit. She was trying to burn the candle at both ends and it quickly caught up to her. Talk it over and see what's going on. Communication is always the best problem solver. Good luck!
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2006): No, there is a reason you are just failing to see it or recognize there is a problem.
There is a huge piece to this puzzle that is missing.
It sounds like there was a past issue/problem/fight that went unresolved.
Why would she just say she doesn't know what she wants? That is rather odd and doesn't just come out from nowhere with out supporting statements that would lead to such a declaration.
She is confused and wants reassurance. You saying she can't spend the night and saying no will only push her further away.
What do you want to happen? What went wrong? What is the real issue here?
She is a woman and therefore I am most certain she has TOLD you what is wrong or troubling her.
Fill us in.
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female
reader, Wendyg  +, writes (28 August 2006):
 Just a hunch, but is there anyone else involved ? Ive been on the recieving end of this before... I guy said to be he didnt know what he wanted, and it was like want you dont want you for a while and there were tears etc... then a few weeks down the line it evolved he had found someone else, and the reason he didnt know what he wanted was because he was confused and didnt know which one of us he wanted!! It might not be that, he could be that shes scared to have got tied down too quickly and wants to exlpore more of life and doesnt want to have taken the wrong path, but doesn know how to tell you she wants to break free for a while. She may want to be with you but at the same time experience some different things... you need to talk to her ask he what she means by regret it, it seems she is having doubts about something in your relationship, maybe shes feeling that you two are not quite right together for some reason but cant put her finger on it... saying something like spending 2 more years together and then regretting denotes that she could be scared that after that length of time you two may suddenly break up and shes scared of that and a way to protect herself is to stop now just in case you grow apart... you need to ask her why she said there will be a reason, she needs to tell you whats going on and how she really feels. and try and see if you both want the same things, it could be a commitment issue, a financial one, a security thing, she may feel she hasnt got any of that and is scared it will all vanish, you need to ask what she wants and see if you are both heading in the same direction... try and understand why shes feeling like this and seeif you cant both head the same way,,, there must be a reason, just because you dont think there is and you think there is nothing wrong doesnt mean there isnt somethign, you need a good heart to heart to find out what is going on here and what her fear is.. go somewhere neutral the two of you over a coffee and chat about everything in your relationship, there is definately an issue here that she may find hard to tell you but you need to know what it is, be genlte with her not mad and let her know she can tell you anything... could she be pregnant ? just a hunch... but there is defo an underying reason to be upset like this, shes either feeling guilty or hurt.. try and find out why and see if you can build around it.
Good luck
Take care x x
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