A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:i am going out with this guy for 3 years and 2 mos. now. six months ago we had a conversation about plans in life and marriage. well, he said he was planning of marriage with me but he was not promising anything. I thought the reason why he is not proposing yet is because i was in school. however, i just finished my degree and still he did not propose yet. i am re-evaluating this relationship after 3 years and 2mos. and talked to him yesterday. he still want to spend the rest of his life with me and he said let him do the decision. am i too pushy to know? but i should know if this relationship is going somewhere, right? please help. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2011): actually, i am turning 31 this year, and i wanted marriage and kids very much; i will regret it if i don't have both. you are right, i should take the ownership. thanks for the advise, appreciate it.
A
female
reader, RedAthena  +, writes (25 June 2011):
 Sad to say, yes I believe after that amount of time, he SHOULD know where he sees his future with you.
If you want your future to include marriage, kids, etc. Then you need to take ownership of that.
No ultimatums, but I would be telling him straight from the heart. "I love you, and saw us making a life together. But, you have shown me that you are unsure about me. I am going to walk away from this relationship, as much as it hurts, because I want to be with someone who has no doubts and is happy and looks forward to a life with me as his wife and the Mother of his kids."
It is not pushy to lay out what you want for YOUR life. If he can not meet that desire, do not blame him. If he can not come to that decision, do not blame him.
You have finished your education, are in your later 20's, and if you want kids someday, need to think about your desires too.
Think about the Kate Middleton. She was named "Waity Katey" because William was stalling his proposal. Now, I am sure that he had some good reasons for this. (His military career, the pressures of royalty, not wanting to give up his youth too soon..etc.)
Whatever it was, she got tired of it and let him know that she saw her future being married and becoming a Mother someday. The rumours say that there was NO doubt how much those two loved eachother, but neither one of them would budge where they stood.
So, Kate ended the relationship. She did not sit home and cry, she went out and enjoyed her life without HIM. I think once he saw that she was a hot commodity and looking at other possibilities in her life, it was THEN he decided he was not letting her get away.
Let your bf see what life without you is like. Not as a punishment, but as a way for you to see what other opportunites are there for YOU.
Yes, it will hurt, but you do not want ANY future husband that feels pressure or bullied into marriage.
If that is what you want and you believe must be a part of your future, stop wasting your time on someone who is not sure.
Best Wishes.
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