A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi all, thankyou for taking the time to read this. A bit of background before I get to the question. If you had an ex who ended up having a rare form of progressive amnesia, and was then tormented by former schoolmates to the point that they were being pushed beyond the brink and that is the reason that you were no longer together. Yet you know that they did love you when they went into the amnesia, and that years later they still felt that love they just did not remember you. As a result you dedicated your life to the study of psychology/psychiatry and neuropsychology trying to understand how this happened, and after 15 years your ex contacted you because they had broken through the amnesia, and needed to contact people who they knew in the past to help in their recovery of their memories, would you be angry that they contacted you, or would you be understanding that they needed to do this and help with what information you can? This is a strange situation I know, I am just unsure what to do. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2013): I'm picturing myself in his shoes. I imagine I'd feel really lost with a burning desire to get at least a fragment of what makes me who I am today. I think you would be really helping him beyond words if you told him the places. His therapist would not have recommended it is he didn't think it would help. It would be amazing if you could do the little you can to show some kindness.My only proviso is this; don't get sucked into the past. You sound almost wistful about what could have been. Guard your heart and watch your expectations. Things won't pick up from where you left off. Do you have a partner currently? If you do I'd advise you to be honest with him about the situation. And if you decide to help your ex - keep the meeting brief. In fact, if all he wants is places, you could could just give him a list. Don't jeopardize what you have now by focusing on your past at the expense of your current relationship.I wish you well
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2013): Let the therapist do his/her job. Stay out of it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe is asking only for information on places that I know we spent time together, he has expressly asked that I only let him know whatever locations we went to together so he can visit those places and remember some of the good times in his life. He has asked me not to give him any information on what times we shared together, nor whatever I know about his life. He is in therapy now healing from the past,and his therapist has asked if he can contact some of the positive people who were in his life, so he can visit those locations. You may be right though and I will simply tell him I cannot help him, thankyou.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2013): He sounds like he needs to come to terms with the pain. Not the people who inflicted it.
How is bothering people for something they did years ago going to help him? Many don't care. That will only amplify the pain he already has.
It will not change the past. He is working from the wrong end of the spectrum. He needs to work on forgiving, not revisiting the pain, or people who caused it. This is not a perfect world.
Maybe he needs to learn how to give himself closure. He may not get the results he's expecting from other people. They aren't always regretful of the things they've done. He'll just have to deal with that.
You have no right to expose people not knowing what he intends to do. That is not wise, you may be subjecting yourself to being an accomplice in vengeful acts.
You have no obligation in this matter; and don't try dressing it up like it's some miracle cure. You're not a mind-reader; nor can you predict the future. It may not do him any good at all.
Stay out of it.
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