A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hey,I have been in a relationship with my angel for 10 Months now, and I love her to death, she is my beautiful angel. Sometime in our early relationship, probably about 3 months in, while I was away to school in Florida (she lives in NJ), she was over at one of her best friends house, watching a movie. During that, a guy was tickling her on her stomach, and wanted to get lower, she stopped him, but later "used him" as a "pillow". She called me that night and told me about it, not realizing what she is telling me. To me the picture seemed like that guy was trying to get into her pants, which my gf confirmed me he was trying to do, but then she told me on how much he reminds him of me and that he makes a great pillow, I was devastated. We had a long discussion, over the phone unfortunately, but we resolved the issue. But there is still that scar left in the back of my mind. I am in college 1200 miles away; only home for weekends on occasion, we talk as much as possible, via phone, web cam or IM. Most of her friends are guys, and she says she trusts them, but I don’t. I know I am sounding very overprotective, but I still have that fear embedded in my mind about that one night, that guys would mess with her head. She promised me that nothing will ever happen, and my heart trusts her, but I still have my fear that one of her best friends might try a move. I know this is sounding like I am freaking out, but I try to work on it, it just that one dam night that haunts me, and it sometimes work its way up so much that I have problems with the most silly things. I love her with all my heart, and she loves me dearly. What can I do to cope with my personal fear and get rid of that? I’ve been trying very hard and its slowly working, but it still chews away at me.Thanks a lot, I am aware that this is a lot to read, but I feel that it’s complex.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2007): I am glad she mentioned this incident because it clearly proves she needs you to know, that you can trust her. She was being honest. But in her youthfulness and fickleness perhaps she was a tad too detailed orientated. The clear fact is, she resolved the problem herself and you should be proud that she did what she did. You have to work on this fear of yours, though. Fear is one of the biggest culprits in sabotaging relationships. Fear is meaningless..it's a negative. You can't go back and change what has happened can you? So when you face what you are afraid of, the fear begins to lose its hold over you. When you really see the truth, the sensible, rational side of a situation that has scared you, you are well on your way to transforming that fear. When you take positive action in spite of fear, you win a victory. But it takes common sense and a belief in yourself..a belief that no matter what, she will always remain true to you. She was in a ompromising situation with some guy who was putting the moves on her and proved herself...honest, trustworthy and dependable. So every time your fears try to come to the forefront, use some courage and stop the fears that grip you. Keep rationalizing. If you do that you win a personal victory. And the fear subsides more and more each time. It is very precious, the lesson that comes from loving without fear. So remember, take all her good actions and get all that in perspective. And realize she does love you and you have nothing...absolutly nothing to worry about.
A
male
reader, juz  +, writes (7 March 2007):
hi mate, read your question heres my advice, most men are like magnets to any available girl around, when the cats away the mice will play, all work no play makes jack a dull boy. let me tell i have just been stung by my wife behind my back with my brotherinlaw, we all live really close, got on well together, trusted them , 17 years have been with mine(since high school) and i never thought one bit i would be in this situation, my trust has gone i am angry, my family has been ripped apart. if i was you if shes the one go get her and tell her how you feel, make it happen and stick together, dont neglect and respect but this must work both ways. and enjoy life (money aint everything) be there for each other, dont bury yourself in your books or work its no good,
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A
female
reader, cd206 +, writes (7 March 2007):
 I feel that this girl's big mistake was in telling you what happened. Although honesty is the most important thing in a relationship I'm totally aware that sometimes you can get a little carried away, especially if you only see your partner occassionally and that she should be allowed one mistake. What bothers me about your post however is that you weren't angry about it and you see her as this innocent party are worry about the actions of her guy friends hurting her. You can't forbid her to see her friends but I don't think it would be unreasonable to ask her to tone it down a little and try and be a little less sexual with them.
CD
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