A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:my girlfriend and i broke up about a month ago. we have been going out for a little over a year. she said that she loved me but wasnt in love with me anymore. when we were together i had trust issues with her so she didnt go out much and she slept over almost every night. it was kind of like a married relationship. i think it didnt work mostly because we didnt spend enough time apart to do our own thing. i also had issues with communicating my feelings. i have been texting her here and there just to say hi and keep it at a friendly level, i want to ask her out so we can talk and meybe consider giving me another chance. my question is where should i take her? im kind of worried about awkward silences, when we were a couple we were at the movies we saw a preview and said that we would see that together so i had brought that up to her and she said we would see it when she we both had time. however im not sure if a movie would be appropriate and it might feel weird. should i take her out one on one or with another couple who is both of our friends? i was thinking about dinner or a walk.. i dont think she is too excited about meeting me so i dont want to make it feel hostile. any advice would be appreciated. if you need more info on the situation just ask me.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2009): A walk would be nice - it's a lot easier to talk than a movie, and dinner means she could feel stuck there for the time it takes to eat. A walk is definitely less hostile as you put it, and would make her feel like there's no pressure. Rather than starting out saying you'd like to get back together, talk to her about what you think went wrong in your relationship - how you think you have problems communicating your feelings and that you think your relationship would have stayed fresher and more exciting if the two of you had kept your own separate interests. Plus anything else you think might have contributed. She'll be impressed by your maturity. Ask her whether she agrees with what you think or if she's identified any other problems. If she's responding very positively and seems interested in you again, you can say you'd like to spend some more time with her again and see if you can make things work. If she seems anxious about your motives you can say you're interested in closure and the two of you learning from what went wrong in your relationship. That will take the pressure off and doesn't necessarily mean you won't get back together in time. The important thing is to get the lines of communication going again, and making sure she feels comfortable. Unless this first meeting is going really really well, I wouldn't mention getting back together if I were you. Give it time and let her see that you're serious about things being different.
A
female
reader, laura585 +, writes (8 July 2009):
Don't pressure her- you said "I don't think she is too excited about meeting me..." and you were clingy and had issues by your own admission- maybe its best you let her go and find someone more equipped to handle a relationship like the kind you want. Just a thought.
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A
female
reader, thatgothgirl20 +, writes (8 July 2009):
 I think you should take her out to eat, and sit in a far corner of the restaurant so that you can discuss things.
But remember this: ex's are ex's for a reason. "I love you, but I'm not 'in love' with you anymore" is a cop out. There had to be more reasons than that. And if her other reasons included things that you were doing, such as your trust issues, have you resolved these issues, or is it going to be the same situation, all over again?
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