A
female
age
30-35,
*atharsis
writes:Hello.In order to ask this question, I'll have to give just a tad bit of personal background information, without giving too much away.I am currently in high school -- I moved here last year due to the fact that my mother was unable to care for me and my dad stepped up to the plate and took me, my brother, and sister in.Most of my life I've been dismissed as unattractive, unintelligent, worthless or just not worth the time.However, that changed when I met him for the first time. I will only give out first names -- his name is Richard.I dismissed him as I did all other guys. "Another testosterone jerk, who will never mean anything to me"But things didn't go as I planned. We texted, and texted, and texted. We hung out. We sat at lunch together.Two chips off the 'ol block. When he asked me out, I was simply thrilled, could not say no.Here he was -- captain of the football team, asking me, someone at the bottom of the ladder to be his girlfriend.It took a long time, a few months rather, to fall head over heels for him. I believe it was his ability to care for me like no one else ever has. To tell me I look beautiful, even when I'm not wearing make up. Even when I'm dressed in boxers and a t-shirt, even when my eyeliner is smeared and I'm in tears.For the first time I had someone in my life to hold me as I cried, someone who's life was much worse than mine, yet someone who could relate. He was everything and more to me, my sun on a cloudy day.We had a very rough relationship, though, as a result of his life experiences mixed with mine. He was always coming to my house, every day, upset when I didn't want to hang out for just one day, or upset when I didn't text back right away, upset when I wanted to go to a friend's house.We argued, we cried, we laughed. It was a roller coaster ride -- and I was strapped in securely.The roller coaster came to a halt on the twelfth of this month, two days after our six month anniversary.We'd come to a peaceful understanding: We are young, we are constantly changing, and now just isn't the time for a committed relationship.We had a peaceful break up; there was no crying, no bittersweet goodbyes. It was based on the fact that we have nearly nothing in common, no matter how much we love each other. It was also based on the fact that he is a senior and will be going to college. I thought it was rather reasonable, and best for both of us.However, not long after our break up, he revealed to me one of his real reasons for the break up: He's going to the Navy.It feels as though my heart has sunken into deep depths. I want to keep this "boy" safe, forever, in my arms and away from any danger. I know he can take care of himself. He's fully capable of it.But I love him, fairly deeply for someone my age, and it's very painful to know that I must support him in this decision. We know it is for the best, what with his lack of financial stability. He is strong and sturdy, capable of being in the Navy. I'm just too scared to let him go. I won't see him until the four years is up.These days we don't text as much as a result of our break up, and we haven't hung out since the break up even as friends.He says that he wants me to find happiness, he feels bad for leaving but it's what he has to do. He says he'll come back, and we'll marry some day..And until then, I need to focus on my life. I also believe it's best if I date other people in his absence.But I am unsure if I can will myself to be with anyone else.Please take this into my view: I fully realize that I am a teenager and I should be focusing on college and other aspects, but this is also an aspect of teenage life.I fully realize this is not the end of the world, and that my problems could be a lot worse.I fully realize that I am lucky to be in my position, and that this is "not a big deal".But please look into your hearts and see the heart of a young girl, head over heels for a "boy" who's, in a word, "all grown up".She needs to know what to do to move on, to take on her life and perhaps future relationships.So help me please. Help this little girl. She's scared to death.
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anniversary, move on, navy, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Catharsis +, writes (25 July 2012):
Catharsis is verified as being by the original poster of the question Hi everyone, I want to update you on what's happened since then!
Basically, it took me many months to "move on" and accept that we were not meant for each other. I had two relationships this year that lasted a couple of months, so I know I have gone forward enough to be with others.
He and I don't really talk much at all, and sometimes it upsets me, but I am not as hung over for him as I used to be. I just needed time to come to terms with what happened. Thank you again for your advice, it comforted me so very much.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (27 March 2011):
 You don't have to "let him go". You can still talk, you can write letters, e-mails. Be each others "cheer leaders" in life.
He needs to grow, you need to grow. For him The Navy is what he believes will help him grow. Will make him a better version of himself. Take the time to make YOU a better version of yourself.
You know you are capable of love and being loved. THAT is a lesson worth while. Something HE gave you and you gave him. You said it yourself, you two don't really have a lot in common, but you two somehow helped each other.
You don't have to think about a new relationship now.
Take from the experience, what you want in a partner, what you need in a partner.
Maybe he will come back, maybe you guys will marry. It's a nice dream. But don't let it get in the way of your own personal growth. And, he is going into the Navy, not flying off in to Space. He will be able to come home during those 4 years (if he so chooses).
Give it a little time and you may look at it all very differently.
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A
male
reader, Alden Plows  +, writes (26 March 2011):
 Hey, I hope your alright.
Letting go of something is the hardest thing in the world. Im struggling to do it at the moment so I understand. The best way to look at it is if its ment to be, it'll be but if not be happy as much as you can however hard, with what ever else you have. Your good friends, family and interests. Its always a good idea to take your mind of it all, keep yourself busy, maybe take up a new hobby or some sort?
Im sympathise with how scared you are and smile you happened. If it doesnt happen then you cant change that but if you keep you mind off it and Date other people when that time comes, it wont be anywhere near as hard.
Good luck!
~Alden.
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