A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello I have been in a bad relationship since I was 16 years old. Pregnant at 19 and now 11 years later. 3 kids. A house. I have myself a good job. I have always supported him financially. He hasnt work since our oldest now 8 was one year old. He decided he would take care of the kids since I could support the family. I was OK with this until just a few years ago. He's always treated me bad. Name calling. Mistrust and accusing me of doing him wrong. Spitting in my face. Pushing me around. Never really hurting me but he's given me bruises. Sexual issues. Chat lines. Posting himself to Craigslist forcing me to please him. It was a must before we went to bed every night. Mostly I would give him head. I feel looking back at it now I may have some issues of my own. Daddy issues. Dependency issues. I just wanted to love and be loved. So I did what he wanted 9 days after my last child was born via c section. I caught him on the phone with someone in our garage and watching porn a day getting off with whoever it was. This I feel was when I let go and just became cold and numb. It was always my fault. I wasn't doing enough. He's really into working out and he developed a drug and alcohol issue as well in the last 3 years or so. I was fed up. But I was still there doing what I've always done.So i sort of snapped one day when he came home drunk at 3am. Started looking at my phone and found numbers of collegues a d friends. So we've been separated for 6 months. In that time I'm not doing anything good for myself I'll admit. I've drank much more often than I ever have. I have made friends and gone out a few times for some fun. I have developed a relationship with another man and nothing too much has happened yet but we've talked about it Last Friday my husband barged into my house unannounced. Grabbed my phone and forced me to put my fingerprint on it (its like my password) well that didn't work so it got crazy and I called the cops to make him leave. Before they came he took off and took my phone and my older phone. I just got a new one like 3 days earlier so I had contacts and such on my old phone. He tried to hack into my new phone because when he returned it about 36 hours later it had been restored with no info in it. The other phone however has not been returned and I assume he has gotten into it. And if so he has seen conversations between me and my man friend and my gfs about this man friend. Sighhhhh.... it's sucks. I didn't want him to see anything like that. But for me it's over and I've told him time and time again. I have served him with a divorce agreement which he has ignored. I have told him im not in love. That I don't want him back etc. But he won't let go and he feels he's entitled to do things like that.... I haven't yet faced him. But I expect that will happen soon So why I'm here. I love him as my children's dad. I love the false perception I had of him for so long. I gave it my all. But I have let go. I think about 3 years ago and the fact that I have made this friend and done some things and discussed doing other things in time. This tells me. I'm done. I feel I was pushed so far and just put up with so much I'm not in touch with my true self. I don't know what I want. I just need some.opinions. maybe some words or advice of what I'm doing and what to say to him. How to handle things going forward... thanks yall
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female
reader, Bubblewrapmyheart  +, writes (21 December 2015):
 First of all, I'm really sorry to hear what you've been through. Anyone going through what your ex husband has put you through would feel the way you do now, even if they don't admit it. I guess the first stage is to accept that it's ok to not feel ok at the moment. It's going to take time to heal and completely get over him, naturally, as you put so much into this relationship, even if he was so horrible. Just accept that you'll find yourself soon, it's just going to take its time.It sounds to me like he's got used to having everything his way on his terms and he's very quickly forgotten that you have rights and feelings. You deserve someone much better than him, someone that isn't going to treat you like a door mat. It's time to stand up for yourself and your children, put your foot down with things like him turning up unexpentantly. If it helps, get your locks changed. Him taking and wiping your phone is him clearly showing his green eyed monster. He doesn't like that you've started a life that doesn't include him (he probably thinks your life lives and dies with him because he's just so amazing). Note sarcasm.You just need to show him that you're more than fine without him, maybe make him realise that you won't just go crawling back to him. By all means, keep it civil for your childrens' sakes but don't give in to him. The first step to finding yourself again is to (figuratively) grow a pair and shut the door in his face.You can do this!! I hope this helps! :)
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