A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Should I do this?An old married flame of mine has contacted me again. I know that I should walk away from him and not go down this route again (I am also married) but my heart is saying to give him another chance. He told me the reason he walked away was he felt he was falling last time and that it frightened him. We had always agreed to a "no strings" relationship. He says he is older and wiser these days and can cope. I am just wondering did he spin me that line to get back with me? The sex with him is out of this world. I have never met anyone in my life who is so compatible with me and that is the reason I want to give this a go again? What should I do? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Coral1972 +, writes (18 September 2008):
I think that you have answered your own question here. The fact that he states he "can cope now" rings alarm bells, and you may feel that you are compatible and that he is your soul mate, but the fact that he is still married shows not only disrespect for his wife, but also for you that he should now come knocking on your door.
It would be an entirely different scenario if he had divorced his wife first, and then made contact with you.
I know that you are asking should you do this, but the really hard question to face in this situation is "Am I strong engough to cope with this again, and face losing my husband and more".
There may be a slight glimmer of hope that you both end up together, but not without hurting existing partners. It sounds like you are in quite deep here, and the trouble with old flames that you do not marry first time round is that they leave you with all of the thoughts of what life would have been like, and all of the if whats and if onlys come to the forefront of you mind, and the mystery of what they are like now.
These can be overcome in time, if you stand strong and block all contact of any kind. Yes you will hurt, but this will go - it did when you married your husband and I am sure you were happy when you first got married, you deserve to be with someone who will respect and love you always, not just when they feel they can cope.
A
male
reader, The Piglit +, writes (14 September 2008):
 If you fancy more of the sex and don't give a damn about anything else, pull the handle on the one armed bandit and hope for a jackpot.
If you care for anything else. Forget it. Now.
But.....is the real problem here not in the desire for the old flame, but something not cooking at all in your marriage?
In a word, priorities. Sort them out and you have a chance of solving the overall problem and not adding to it.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2008): This guy is a con artist. Any grown man who says he is scared of falling for you is lying....the only thing he is scared of is just how not into you he is.
He likes a no strings relationship, that is what you gave him before and he knows what to expect in that regard again....he just took some time off to get rid of you, he married you off.....and now he feels safe enough to come back to you for sex, after all you aren't available.
You don't need to give this loser a second chance. For what so you can destroy your marriage and the faith and trust of a good man who is totally into you.
Go take a cold shower, read a good book on how to make sex amazing with your husband, or better yet read it and practice together.
Take care.
...............................
A
female
reader, Aunty Em +, writes (14 September 2008):
 I take it then, you're engaging in a sexual partnership with this old flame on the outside of your marriage? Think about it. You married your husband for an amazing reason. When this old flame walked out of your life, how did you feel? Do you want to go through that again? As well as losing your marriage? Channel your frustration of 'wanting' this with your old flame in to putting a lively spark back in to your marriage. Make it special enough so that you won't want to wander.
...............................
|
