A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey all. So a year ago I met a guy online on an Expat blog through travel groups.Groups that travel together and have lots in common. In the group we had all planned to go to spain but i cancelled it because the booked date was my mum's birthday and i had to spend time with her so he went alone with the other guys in the group. He seemed very nice but although we chatted via phone bout islands in spain. I chose not to meet him, because he was crossing the line of being just friends and repeatedly begging to meet me and yet there was nothing going on between us .I told him we are platonic friends but he wasn't acting like we wereHe used to text me everyday even though i don't reply and get angry when i tell him about my dates. Nonetheless I chose to end all contact after a month when his texts, mails and desperate pleas to meet became too much. He seemed cut when I ended all contact and would not stop texting even if i did not reply.He also called me like 30 times sometime back and i wrote to him a long email telling him to leave me alone and that am in a relationship.About a month ago i got a mail saying that he wants to meet me,i kindly told him that am very busy with an intensive course and i cannot meet.Then he asked if we can meet after the 5 week intensive course and i ignored, no reply !After 2 weeks he emailed me that he is coming to my city and wants to meet up, did the same,did not reply.Then yesturday he mailed me telling me he is in my city having a good time.I did not say a word.To my surprise he got my address from my my travel details. we bought the tickets as a group of 5 through groupon and this guy stole my information.Today he showed up at my house un- invited asking for me. he came in telling my sis that he knows me.good thing i was not in,i had gone to town.He told my sis that he came all the way from Uk to see me.My sis called me and i told her to tell him to leave or i will call the police.I am terrified of this man now,i feel he is creepy.After him coming into my home with un-invited,i have not sent him any email or text.I wanted to warn him never to do such a creepy thing but am scared.I feel that sending him texts will make him send me more emails all over again.should i write a warning email to this creep?The strange thing is that i do not know him,never met him.what should i do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2015): I'm sorry but I simply don't understand why you have not already contacted the police about this man so that they can give him a warning. Him turning up at your home unannounced is part of a larger behaviour of harassment that he's been carrying out over a prolonged period and his behaviour is increasingly dangerous for you.
He seems to have a mental illness that is causing him to be obsessed by you.
But you need to take much more responsibility for your part in sending out a much clearer message to him that his attentions are unwanted. He is not listening to you alone, so you need some authority figure(s) such as the police, to get involved.
A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (25 May 2015):
 This guy sounds like a stalker. Honeypie & AlexaT have given you awesome advice. HEED IT!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (25 May 2015):
 Keep a log of what he has done, said, texted with dates.
I would send him ONE single text. IT should state that you WISH no contact with him, any further contact FROM him will be forwarded to the police as you will regard it as stalking. NO more. No long e-mail explaining ANYTHING. YOU do not OWE him a thing. A short statement of intent (that you will report him) is enough. THEN ABSOLUTELY NO contact after that text, NONE, zip, zilch.
Make sure family and friends KNOW about this joker. While many stalkers are not "dangerous" they are VERY scary. It can feel paralyzing to know someone is watching your every move.
CONTACT the police, ASK them if there is ANYTHING further you can do. The Netherlands might have different laws when it comes to stalking.
BLOCK him from your e-mail, phone and make SURE to block him from Facebook. And I would contact the rest of this travel group and let them know. That is NOT OK behavior.
And pay attention to your surrounding the next few weeks. If he shows up again, make SURE you family KNOWS not to let him in. Let a family member know where you are and who you are with. If you go out by yourself (store, work, whatever) make sure you let them know you have gone out, and when you expect you home, make sure when you are home to text them again or if you life with them, tell them.
IF you run into him about town (who knows where he went after he left your house) call someone to get you. Stay in public areas and DO NOT talk to him. If he tries to apologize or whatever, tell him you are calling the police - if he doesn't leave, CALL THEM.
One thing, (not that I'm BLAMING YOU) but you DO need to learn to be more firm. NO means no. So SAY what you mean and mean what you say. Don't think you HAVE to be NICE to someone like this dude, so he won't think you are rude.
STAY safe.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2015): You have every right to be creeped out. This man is obviously nuts and has crossed many lines, especially by coming to your house. Clearly, he has no intention of leaving you alone.Please, whatever you do, don't meet him. This man could be dangerous. You must contact the police straight away, because he's stalking and harassing you. What's he's doing is against the law. If he's from the UK, here are their laws on stalking and harassment:http://www.cps.gov.uk/legal/s_to_u/stalking_and_harassment/I'm sure that similar laws exist where you live. Do not email him or have any contact with him. This just gives him an excuse to respond.Save all communications from him and record all calls, etc. Keep a journal containing his every contact with you so that you can give this information to the police. Write down the time and date. Then, they will be able to build a case against him. You may also need to get a restraining order.Please, talk to the police ASAP. Don't wait. Your safety is all that matters.And take extra precautions. Put extra locks on the doors if possible. Make sure your windows are locked. Educate your family and friends about this man so that they don't allow a stranger into the house. Change your normal routine and lie low for a while, whatever you have to do until the police can intervene.Best wishes. I hope this jerk leaves you alone. Please keep me updated on what transpires.I'm saying a prayer for you.
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