A
male
age
36-40,
*immyboy101
writes:So I (age:26) have a strong relationship of over a year and a half now. I recently found out that only a few weeks before my girlfriend and I made things official she had a drunk one night stand with a guy she met from her job. Listening to the details about what happened that night disgust me for the fact that her and I were already intimate and close (we agreed not to be intimate with anyone else). It was inevitable that we were going to have a future together. We are a good year and a half in and immensely in love and were good friends another year and a half before that. I know she had a bad spell of sadness going on in her life (family issues) at the time she had that night out. I was working late that night and unaware of what happened. The next day she called me and within our convo. she said that "I am so happy you are not someone who tries to take advantage of people". I did not think too much about asking her what she meant by it. It was totally random. So fast forward over a year later, the truth comes out about that night. I guess I am just hurt because this guy called her to invite her out recently and she said no, that she has a boyfriend. Again, he persisted by texting her to come out and she strongly declined. He then goes on and tells her, "Did you not enjoy that night we had together and that good ****?". At first she denied to me that anything happened, but eventually told me the truth and how she is disgusted by what happened. I asked her to tell me exactly what happened (I do not know what I did this). I know she is sincere about what happened. I guess I feel hurt and disgusted with the details. Do I have a legit reason to be mad and upset by the event that took place? I can not get it out of my mind. When I think about it I get very upset and it is apparent to my girlfriend (age: 28). If anyone has any advice or stories of their own I would be very appreciative.
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male
reader, jimmyboy101 +, writes (30 April 2012):
jimmyboy101 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Before we made things official, we were really great friends who became intimate. We started having feelings but never acknowledged the situation, though, asking each other not be intimate with others out of respect for what we were doing. I still do not know if that makes complete sense. I did not just grab her phone and look at her text messages when this came up. She was honest and open enough to show me what was said to her and the her responses back to him. At the time, she didn't know how serious I was about her and whether or not I was going to make things official. She explained she was disgusted and embarrassed with how she acted that night and told the guy to never call her or text again. It is such a fine line. Reason for my mixed feelings. I know one night stands happen often in our society but I feel disgusted with what she said happened and the details that came with. Also know, I am using this for a venting mechanism to let me feelings out. It is nice to have a place to ask without any bias towards one or another.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2012): It would be cheating as far as I'm concerned. Maybe not technically, but it sounds like it was in the practical sense.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (30 April 2012):
 You have a legit reason to be upset because you both made an agreement to be exclusive and she failed that trust. I don't think family issues and alcohol are reasons to blame for the one night stand. She should have come to you. She is disgusted by it. But still she is not the person you thought she was. If you want to work this out she has to quit alcohol and she has to ask you first before meeting up with another guy. I guess you found that out when you looked inside her cell phone texts when you saw that she's hiding something. If you decide that your mind can't let this go, and you can't be with her you are justified.
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