A
female
age
30-35,
*race77
writes:Hi , if you are in my shoe what will u do? This is my situation, .. This guy i met online and we been talking for long hours everyday.. Discussing about us and our future. Especially we are also discussing about our 1st meeting in indonesia then we come to philippines together after indonesia trip. Everything seems ok tho no more i love yous and miss you to each other. Today, he opened up to me his big problem. He has kids with his ex gf, and he is not allowed to see his kids, as the ex wants full costudy. The ex doesnt have work but accepts money from him to support the kids, but the ex spends the money with friends and go shopping leaving the kids with her mom who is sick. And now the mom of the ex gf called my bf that she cant no longer take care of the kids and she cant control her daughter anymore, now my bf wants to take the kids instead of the ex gf cant take care of the kids. But if he take the kids, how can he work? Who will watch over the kids when hes working. Hes having hard time to come up with a decision. Btw, hes in the USA. If only im in the usa,.i would offer a help but i couldnt. I feel so helpless. I really want this relationship work until i finally see him face to face, but his situation is so complicated. I dont what to say or how tl break up with him coz i cant live with him in the future with this kind of situation. Please enlighten me. Thank you
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ex girlfriend, his ex, I love you, met online, money Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (23 March 2019):
 OP, I sympathise with you. You have fallen into the trap of an LDR where it’s not real. Some LDRs are real, but this one isn’t:- you haven’t met yet or met fairly regularly- I love you is too soon (if you haven’t met in person yet)- it’s too messy on his side- you have no idea if he’s telling the truthI’m sorry, but you don’t have a future with this man. He needs to sort his life out and that will take several months of custody battles and settling his children in to him being the parent 24/7 - which he’s not used to. A relationship isn’t going to be possible through all of that, especially if not local. That’s obviously providing he’s telling the truth about all of this - you just can’t know.Too many things are against this relationship, OP. Please let him go and find a local, single guy with fewer problems.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2019): You are being catfished big time.That means he is setting you up to con you and you are falling for it.Soon he will ask you for money to get a lawyer to get custody of his kids....who more than not are not even real.The internet does not mean a person is real.A person can tell you anything.How do you know if it is true?A lot of people who are in prison for thing like murder or rape have computers even in jail.As soon as he asks for money you will know.But I am sorry to say I really think you will give him money and quite A lot before you see what I see and I never even met you.Be smart date a real man not a computer fantasy.sorry.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (21 March 2019):
 This isn't YOUR issue here, OP
It's his. His ex-gf, his kids, HIS job to find a solution. Something like a daycare, Au pair, nanny or whatnot. IT IS NOT your job to become his build in GF/nanny.
While the plans and fantasies you two shared were LOVELY, REALITY is that he isn't in a PLACE to offer you much of anything. HIS priority is to RAISE his kids and work to provide for them.
It sounds like a messy situation. And I don't think you have heard the whole picture either. It seems amiss to me, to be honest. Going from not being "allowed" to see his kids to him having to take them full time? Doesn't compute.
Did he not mention the kids at first? Did he wait until you two are getting closer to the "trip"?
I think, YOUR best bet is to reign in your emotional "investment" in this guy. I think this will go "south" pretty soon once REALITY sets in. He will be too tired working full time and taking care of his kids to have MUCH time for you.
If a "relationship" can't even work over tech/online then do you REALLY think it would in person?
Do you really think it would be a good start to a relationship, with you becoming an unpaid "nanny/gf"? in a foreign country? Could he REALLY afford to sponsor you while ALSO taking the best care possible of his kids?
I think it's a little unrealistic to think this will actually work out. He might BE a great guy but this is TOO much "complications" for a relationship where you haven't even met in person.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2019): If you have never met this guy and it is long-distance; you can't afford to have any complications. You can't be all that into him either; if you really haven't had the chance to meet and be with each other.
This guy has baby-mama drama, he lives in another country, and you have never even met him. Talk about complications?!!
If he's an American-citizen, I can tell you; with our current administration, immigration into this country and dealing with the complicated red-tape to get visas and/or citizenship is going to be another complication in your relationship. Where do you both plan to settle-down together?
Is he Filipino-American with dual-citizenship? When you meet in Indonesia, is that where you both plan to stay together?
Sorry, but you've chosen someone with too many problems. All that flying from country to country is going to cost you both a fortune. How will he afford child-support, living in a separate household, legal fees, and all that travel?
Don't you dare send any man money over the internet!!!
There are no "I love you's" between you and a man you have never met!!! Talking for hours on video-chat is not a relationship. It's an introduction.
If he has told you he loves you, and you believe it; you're very naive. If you think you love a man you've never met, think again. Please!
Let me enlighten you. Run for the hills screaming with your hands above your head! You are talking more drama than a marathon of TV soap operas! He's a divorcee, he has money issues, he lives in another country, has child-custody issues, and baby-mama drama!
Look at how many problems you have, and you have never even met in-person?
You really need to let this guy go! His life is a mess!
Find yourself a single nice-guy that doesn't require hours of flight, immigration, and visa issues; and won't cost you most of your income jetting from country to country.
Avoid any man who tells you he needs money!
You feel helpless? Actually, that's a good thing! Then you also realize how impossible it is for something like this to work!
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