A
male
age
36-40,
*rOveranalysing
writes:I’m involved with this really amazing boy, we met on an internet dating site and we have tonnes in common etc. the problem is I feel he is getting very quickly emotionally involved. On the first night we slept together he had to go to work super early but left me in his house with his keys and said I could leave whenever I liked. On the second date, he introduced me to all his best friends and, later, told me he was falling for me and even used the ‘L’ word and then became very embarrassed and backtracked. This is obviously a sweet gesture, but even I was shocked at his trust in me. We’ve only been seeing each other twelve days but he’s always offering to pay for things and is always wanting me to be happy with things. The problem is that I’ve never been in a relationship and as much as I like him, even I’m overwhelmed by his constant texting and contacting me. I can see he’s a very friendly person but it’s a bit off putting to have someone on a plate like that. Am I ungrateful for what I have? I’ve been with a lot of people who dishonest and used me, but this guy is wonderful and has a sincere interest in me. Does this smitten phase usually pass, is it worth me bringing up. Some of the texts he sends are a bit innocuous and I’m tempted not to respond, but worried he might read into it. I want to take things slow and enjoy a flirty text here and there, but it seems every passing thought he is texting to me. I wondered if he’s like this with every guy and it seems not to be the case because he ended his last relationship and his friends all knew my name and were genuinely interested to meet me. Its all just a bit much, too soon. What should I do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2009): I've actually had the same problem, but i was the guy in it And, we didn't exactly meet online. But, same scenario. The best thing you can do is tell your boyfriend the truth. I would go with "Irish45" and do what her post stated, that is exactly what my girlfriend did, and it put me back in my place.He will be afraid to lose you, probably because his last relationship didn't go well as planned. If you tell him to slow down, it will hurt him, but he will care about you to much and will do what you ask. He will do whatever he can to make you happy.Good luck. I hope your relationship works out more then well. :-)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2009): I understand your dilemma. It sounds like he's an 'overgiver' and he's allowed himself to get far too nutty in love with you. He has to slow it down a lot or you will be running in the other direction. A love relationship comprises of two independant people, who have their own lives, who want to take the time to learn about each other, but it's done slowly. So in order for this relationship to blossom into a healthy love, it really needs time, and nurturing. What's likely happening here, is you have this very attentive young man, in your life. But in your eyes, the turn off to you is he's coming across as needy and desperate. The problem with him doing this too soon and not allowing the relationship to breathe is...he may end up feeling he's not getting enough back from you and he will feel he's getting the short end of the stick. And this is where relationships can quickly go sour. When I hear of people doing this is a relationship, at this stage of the game, I wonder, if the 'overgiver' is insecure and has deep co-dependant issues. I think you should not be afraid to tell him how you feel. Let him know how you think that this relationship should progress. This is a good start...opening up the channels of communication, because you certainly don't need to be the one who is fearful of hurting his feelings. Relationships are about honesty and about both of you feeling comfortable. Tell him that this over attentiveness is making you feel uncomfortable. It will be up to him to decide to slow it down a notch and let things just fall where they may. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2009): Maybe this guy has had very bad luck with relationships in the past, and just wants things to work out for you both, so he's acting the way he thinks he should act to keep you.
If it helps, you could discuss it with him and tell him that you need a bit more space and you'd like to take it slow. I'm sure he'll understand, if he likes you that much.
Good luck :)
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