A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:So I really need help on this one.... I just broke up with my boyfriend of a year and a half. The woman he dated before me he dated off and on for about eleven years and I know that he still has a lot of feelings for her.We shared cell phones and the bill is in my name and I never paid much attention to the statement, until I felt like he was drifting from me and we didn't talk as much. I'm not the type who has to talk on the phone all the time but this went on for weeks....I would ask him why I didn't hear from him and he would tell me he had fallen asleep. To make a long story short a few months ago I found out he'd been calling his ex about 8-10 times a day, some nights I would call him and he'd never call me back but he would call her. I discussed this with him and he cut the calls down to 4-6 a month and we have started talking a lot more and growing closer. Well, recently I found out he's met with her behind my back about 6-8 times during the relationship (that he's admitted to) which may have not been a big deal if he'd been honest about it. I broke up with him and now he's been trying hard to get me back. I told him I would consider it if I could call his ex or maybe meet with her to make sure they have only just been friends over the last year and a half like he says and that there is nothing else he is keeping from me. He will have none of it though, he says he just doesn't want me to bother her. I love the man but I feel like I had to break up with him, he didn't even admit to meeting her until I told him I was going to call her. Did I do the right thing?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2008): he sounds like a prick!
hun...honestly you did the right thing but i think it's even better if u just let it be. Don't go back with him and it is evident that when u said.."i would consider going back with you but i'd like to meet her first to see if there's nothing but "friends" going on." then he flipped out. Babe he sounds like he wants to cut the cake and eat it at the same time...shit guys piss me off!!!!
best of luck x
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2008): If this guy doesn't respect you enough to be honest with you then he just plain doesn't respect you. His deceiving you is his way of saying "you don't deserve the truth." You did the right thing. You respected yourself enough to say, "I deserve better." You will meet someone who is able to appreciate this.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2008): Yes, you did the right thing. Calling an ex gf... 8-10 times daily, is very excessive and seeing her behind your back was quite disrespectful to what he shared with you. Trust and honesty are absolutely foundational in a relationship, and he is causing you concerns about both of these facets. I have something important to state to you. Just some comments to think on. The thing that bothers me a lot here, is he was quite deceitful with you, and that certainly has likely shaken up the trust here. Deceit has no place in a quality good loving relationship. So I have to ask ....what really is up with this bf of yours? When he was with you, he seemd to be pining away for his ex. Now that's you've broken up with him, he's pining away for you. I'm seeing a painful pattern here in him. I think you and this ex gf share something very sad, in common. Neither of you seem to understand that he's not the guy for either of you. I think once he's back with you, the ex gf will greatly appeal to him, again. It's a game he likes to play, because he's not a guy who seems to like to commit, fully to anyone, at this stage of his life. If the guy can't seem to envision the future with any one woman...what chance do either of you have for happiness. What you need is the right man, and I feel, he's not the right one. Best give this some thought before re-committing to him. He just doesn't appear to be that trustworthy nor committed to you. But if you are determined to make this fly with him..you had better set up some new rules. No more contact with his ex gf...period. And stop worrying about putting your foot down with him. If you see a happy future with this man, you must do this. So most definitely, you should set a boundary on how you wish to be respected and treated in this relationship. And I agree, it's essential you speak with her and find out what's really happening, before making a decision to get back with him. Good luck, be strong and take a stand. Take care, hun and i wish you the best.
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