A
male
age
41-50,
*goodday
writes:Right... now I can't get this girl out of my head. We met about a year ago, I was going to the pub she worked at to see a friend play guitar. The first night I saw her I’d mentioned to a mate that I thought she was hot and that I was going to have a crack but she beat me to it. I’d heard through others that she'd been asking questions about me and when I didn't turn up one Friday night to watch my mate play, she txt'd me asking where I was. I was pretty stoked but was with another girl at the time and didn't really respond too eagerly and didn't think about it again. Then she turned up at my local about 2 weeks later and we hooked up that night. Then she started acting weird and I later found out through a friend of hers that she had a boyfriend, which although was true, it seemed like a away to fish for my reaction, which wasn't forthcoming - I just left it at that. Still, she txt'd to apologise and to say she still loved this poor guy - so I just told her not to apologise, I understood and I hoped she sorted it out. End of story... for a while. Fast forward a few months and I get a semi-drunken phone call, she wanted to catch up (among other things). I couldn't see her because I was at the beach house entertaining some friends and was in no condition to drive. so, I helped her out with the other things by making a few calls and that was it until another call later, same thing but more offa and it ended with some tool trying to be tough and I hung up, thought she was an idiot and didn't think about her again. Months went by and there was nothing until another phone call asking for my help with something, I helped her out and when I met up with her... she looked gorgeous. I played it very casual, kept it brief and we went our separate ways but later I made mistake #1 - I txt'd her and said I’d forgotten how gorgeous she was'', idiot. She sent one back saying much the same and invited me to a concert with her and her friends - I didn't go because I knew it wasn't a great idea. We txt'd each other; had a drink the following weekend (her friends in tow) and nothing happened but the tension (good tension) was there. A few weeks later it was her 21st and she wanted me to go, even though I knew nobody - I went for about an hour then went back to the pub where my mates were and we all got on it. We saw each other later that night and, again, she was smoking - so gorgeous. The next day/evening she invited herself to my hotel room (I hadn't been asleep for 2 days and neither had she). I had planned on going to a gallery opening with the mate I was with but before I knew it she was on her way and I had to burn him because he didn't want her with us... I wish I burnt her and stayed with my boy. Good decisions were not made, in fact a very bad one was made... we both had something - I could handle it, just, but she could not. She was vomiting and then she was ok but the mood, if you can call it that was shattered. Later she just lost the plot. I was struggling in a big way but I felt responsible for her. (I want to make it clear that I did not invite nor offer this - she asked me for it because she knew I had it.. and we didn’t sleep with each other). I was reading to her, rubbing her back - whatever it took to ease her, nothing worked and I knew it was futile... it would be a day before we would be thinking normally again. Eventually, after 8 hours I decided to call a cab and take her back to her friends, she wasn't going for it. I’d offered up this option earlier but she wouldn't/couldn't leave the bed let alone the hotel room. I then explained to her that being with friends in a familiar place would be the best thing and she finally accepted. I spoke to her friends, who must have thought I was the biggest piece of shit ever, and gave them directions. Her friend came in to the room to get her and she kissed me and said 'ring me later'??!! The moment they left - I just fell apart, I’d never felt such guilt or self loathing and my mind was on another planet... I’m thinking - that’s it, over and out - you've just f@#ked up so badly, she's not going to talk to you again... I was right. I called later the next day to see how it all ended but she never answered. I txt'd saying I was just calling because she had asked me to and I just wanted to make sure she was ok and that I didn't think anything bad about her and I was really sorry for the way it turned out. - She finally txt'd back, basically brushing me off and blaming me for what had happened - which I accept. Somewhere in that twisted story, suddenly I have her in my head. Not all the time but enough to get to me. I never really cared, she's not my type, it was never good and it ended the worst way possible. What is wrong with me? I’ve still got her b'day present, wrapped, just sitting there - I never had a chance to give it to her and I can't bring myself to sell it (it's a santi (o) gold, 12" vinyl with rare inlay graphics - it took me a while to find)and i've just asked her to be my friend on facebook!! that's just stupid - this isn't me. if it wasn't for that night i'd be me again. Is it just the fact I’ve been rejected? I’ve tried some girl friends but their reaction is always – ‘you won’t do that again’ or ‘you deserve it’ they never give me anything. I can't rationalise my feelings - I’m lost and it's not healthy. Help me, please.
View related questions:
facebook Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Who  +, writes (1 May 2009):
 Whoa there, bro.
I did not read your entire post, and I'm afraid I did not understand all of the parts I did read. But since it is going on three days without a response, I'll try to answer the parts I understand.
WARNING! Much of this will be critical and telling you what to do. You will neither like nor believe most of this. But you get what you pay for.
1. You have way too much time on your hands. How do we know this? The post novel length questions on advice web sites. And you are spending way too much time thinking about this girl. You need a hobby, besides drinking and parting. Something constructive, like gardening or building a hot rod car. Or you should do volunteer work for charity. Or best of all...
2. You need to play a sport. This is the standard advice for a young man who can't get a girl out of his head. You don't have to be good at it, you just have to exercise your self to exhaustion 3 or 4 times a week. It can be a team sport or something solo, like running or weight lifting. If solo, set you self a goal, like running 5k in under 20 minutes, or bench pressing 200 lbs, and work to meet the goal. This will also help with the final problem...
3. You need to pace you self with all the drinking/partying/drugs. It is going to start affecting your health. As in eventually you are not going be able to go out to the pubs because you are going to be sick in bed. Look at the people 10 years older than you who party as hard and as much as you do. Is that what you want in 10 years? Slow down, spread it out, sleep regular hours and get some exercise. You party less often but over a longer life, and end up with more good times total then partying 3-4 days a week and dieing at 45.
Told you you would not like it. Maybe someone else will answer after me, and you will like their advice better.
Best of luck.
|
