A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm so confused and emotional.I have a lot of compliacted situations and I really need help and someone to turn to.I've known I was different since I was 13. I was friends with a boy lets call him Tom I was kinda attracted to him, and sat close to him and stuff, encrouching on his personal space. I'd drop things and quickly sneak a chance to stroke his legs or something like that. Until I noticed that he didn't mind or didn't feel uncomfortable. One day, he placed his hand on my leg. We continued this for some time, we've never spoken about it, each time we'd get more intimate, we'd feel each other's crothces, until one day, he had unzipped his trousers, and pulled his underpants down a bit, and I masturbated him, and he did the same to me. This continued for a long time, the rest of year 8, all of year 9, and and into year 10. Always, we never spoke, about it, just sat next to each other, and masturbate the other under the desk. Until, one day in Year 10, he moved away, I was shocked, and tried to move closer, but he moved away. From that point, I'd always try and feel his ass or something but he'd pull away. But I don't know why, can anyone give an explaination, of why he suddenly doesn't want to do it anymore? The other thing is, he came round to my house, just before Christmas 2008, and asked me if we wanted to walk to the park, I accepted, I walked and he rode alongside on a bike, then as we got to the park entrance, he turned around and rode off. I just don't understand?Problem number 2. I don't know my sexuality, growing up I always thought I was straight, then I came to an All Boys School, and I started having feelnigs for boys, I thought at first it was the lack of girls, but now I feel so passionate about some guys, and I know its not just because i go to an all boys school. I was convinced I was gay, up until around April 2009, I started noticing that I was finding some women attractive. Hot women, that all the guys liked. But I don't think I'm Bi, as the feelings for women aren't as strong for the feeling of men.Problem 3, I haven't come out yet, I'm 15 and I just can't bring the courage to come out, I get bullied at school, and people call me gay, and I deny it, they don't know I am gay, nor do I give any indication, they just use it as an insult, if I came out, the ridicule of them laughing about being right, would jsut be unbearable, and I don't feel comfortable enough to tell my parents, I still feel like a little kid when I am around them.Problem 4, there is a nother guy, let's call him Connor, he was the one that made me first start to realise I was gay/bi whatever, he just looks so hot, is really sporty (on the rugby team) thin, but still got a fair bit of muscle on him, and incredibly smart. He is just the dream guy. Lately, my feelings for him are becoming even stronger, I just want to be his friend be close to him, but we dont have much in common, and I can never get him alone, he is very popular and always with a group of friends. I sat next to him in German this year, and I think I might have annoyed him a bit, I kept taking his things, as I just wanted him to notice me. He always says hi to me so I dont think their has been major damage, but each time he says hi, it makes me feel like Ive got a chance with him, before I come back to the realisation that he's probably straight, it'd be too good to be true if he was gay, although he is quite passive, and has a fairly high pitched voice, which might be a few signs. Now next year, we're not going to be in any of the same classes, and the pain just hurts too much, I'm stalking him on facebook, ive never had an account before, I made up an Account with the same name as him, pretending to be a kid, who wants to add all the kids with the same name as him to his friendlist, and there is quite a few with this name, and I'm hoping he accepts so I can see his profile and get pictures of him and stuff. All I think about is him, and I imagine myself sharing a bed with him.I just really need some help and advice on all 4 of these issues.
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bullied, christmas, facebook, muscle, notice me, stalking Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionUPDATE:I got my own facebook account. I asked "Tom" about it, and he said he was just "trying things out" and has now got a girlfriend.And on my own facebook, "connor" accepted me as a friend. But he then logged off, so i havent had a chance to chat with him yet.I wont mention my feelings for him, i want to try and build a friendship first.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2009): Thank God for your sake that no-one did see. I must admit I found the masturbation-in-class story extremely hard to believe, hence my scepticism, but I'm prepared to accept your explanation. I wasn't trying to give you stick, though I do think your approach to the 'Connor' situation is completely wrong, and dishonest. Pretending to be someone else, even online, is not good or mature behaviour. As far as answering your four questions, 'lboy' has already done a brilliant job and there isn't much I can add to what he's already said. Good luck
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question@Heart full of love
I thought you understood what I went through, you said that you went through it all youreslf. I thought you were going to give me advice on all 4 of my issues, but you didnt. Yes it was stupid, but I can safely say, not a single one noticed. The way our classrooms are laid out, you have 2 desks togehter, and then a big gap, then another 2. No one mentioned it and no one saw it, plus the way we did it, we did it when the teacher was facing the board and everyones attention was on the board, we were very careful no one saw, and no one did see.
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reader, lboy +, writes (1 July 2009):
 dear reader, ok first, the whole masturbation under the desk thing was a little stupid, if u were caught you could have got yourselves in some serious trouble, ok second, i think the guy probably moved away or started to not want to be close to you because he was scared doing that kind of thing with you made him, gay or it is possible he has found himself a girl friend outside of school.second, coming out at school is very easy, the next time someone calls you gay just say 'yeh, and what's your point', trust me in an all boys school your not going to be the only gay, and ive found from my personal experience at school, and im english too so i know what a british school can be like, its not that bad coming out in high school if anything, the bullying and taunts dont hurt as much and they eventually stop all together, bullies dont see it as fun to taunt you when they know that there insults dont hurt you.thirdly, telling your parents is hard i know, but its not that horrible, most parents will be very excepting about it, some aren't i will admit that, but on average most parents either already know you are or have prepared themselves for the possibility, i say take your chances and just tell your mother first, mums tend to be more accepting of it, and if she is fine with it, then ask her to tell your dad, thats what i did as my father is very old fashioned and i thought he would get angry, but he was fine with it, trust me its not that scary a thing, it'll all turn out fine.and finally, DO NOT stalk this guy on facebook, be honest make a facebook with your real name and add him that way, if he asks just say your new to facebook which is true, and that your adding people you know from school which is true and an innocent enough reason to add him, then just talk to him on facebook and at school for a while, trust me getting closer to him will take time but if it turns out he has gay or bi sexual tendencies then it could all be worth the wait, and another note on the whole coming out thing, its best that you do because the greatest thing that comes from it is that it lets you know who your true friends are, the ones that back away and dont talk to you any more aren't worth your time, the ones who stay around and stick with you are the good kind that you dont wanna let go.anyway thats all i got, although i now have typers cramp :(hope this helpedgood luckhope i helpedlboyxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2009): I can't say I liked the tone of your last remark. I also have major difficulty suspending disbelief that a teacher who's paid to keep an eye on an entire classroom, not to mention the 20-30 pupils in said classroom, could miss out on the fact that two guys sitting beside one another had unzipped one another in class, masturbated one another, and successfully kept this behaviour up through year 8, year 9, and year 10.
In the event that your story is true, then you're already brave enough to pursue your sexuality. A teenager who has the courage to feel another male's erect genitals during a school class full of other people (repeatedly, over the course of three years) surely also can summon up the courage to 'come out'.
If people call you gay at school, have you ruled out the possibility that it's because they've seen you with his cock in your hand during German, Maths, French and Science?
And as far as 'Connor' goes, if you really want him, there are surely more honest ways of going about it than 'stalking him on Facebook' and 'pretending to be a kid' (that last bit is downright creepy).
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes it was in Classes at school. No one ever noticed. It was in German, Maths, French, Science and sometimes we had a quick feel while in sports. I think there was one time when a boy remarked how close we were sitting, but we were doing a group bit of work, so we just said we needed to be looking at the same thing. That was the only time someone ever came close to finding out.
Now can I please have some help with my problems.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2009): Hi, sorry, been thru all this stuff myself, but before I try and answer all your questions, I need you to clear one thing up in case I've read your post wrongly -
Were you unzipping and masturbating one another under the desk while you were in class AT SCHOOL, or have I read this wrong? If so, it's the sort of thing you could be expelled from school for, and it's unlikely to have escaped the notice of the other boys in your class. There are more discreet places to masturbate each other than at school!
As for all the other stuff, I can help, I basically 'came out' at the age you are now, but I need you to clarify that first point before I can go any further.
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