A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone,Major dilemma and in need of advice: I’m a regular guy who just turned 30. I’m happy with my life and consider myself to be pretty lucky with the circle of friends and the job I have. I’m gay and always knew I was – unlike some of the other people posting here, I never had doubts nor have gone through ‘phases’. I’ve always liked men and have pursued gay men for dating and relationships ever since I was in my late teens/early 20’s. However, here’s the problem: I never, ever managed to have a boyfriend! Now, I aware I’m not the ugliest guy in the world, but also not the most good-looking one; I know I attract men and have got an engaging-enough personality to get people interested in me. Still, the ones that are interested in me, I do not find them to be a good-match, and the ones I’ve liked – something that has only happened a handful of times – are not interested in me.I wonder if something is seriously wrong with me? Why is it that I can attract men to have sex with but never to build a relationship? Do I project expectations that I don’t see fulfilled? Am I loveless? I love the idea of being in love but so far am finding it hard to come by...should I lower my standards and go for one of the guys who’s interested in me (even if I’m less so)? Do I become asexual? Do I accept I’ll never find love?...Disillusioned and in need of advice...thanks. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Oregongrl1  +, writes (30 July 2010):
Sweetie, the harder you try to find some'one, that will turn out to be the wrost relationship! it's not about whats on the out side it is about whats on the inside and a personality is a plus+ in my book. i have met some awesome woman friends who don't think very highly of them selve's because of their weight issues. if they only see what i see they have such a personality it makes them shine from inside out. i can be having a bad day! and they just make me laugh my butt off and make me smile again and then i realize everything was not as bad as i projected. and finding someone isn't about being on a treasure hunt? it will happen. and be thankful that the ones you have met hasn't turned into something serious. because you would of been hurt! when you stop looking and worrying so much about it thats when you are being yourself, and so relaxed that it happens. when people are trying to empress someone think about it you aren't really paying attention! so everything about you is false trying to be someone your not and people wonder why the hell didn't things work out well the empressing stage is over. the part they knew? when they met is now a totally different person! and they aren't use to that side of you. so the only thing i can suggest is that you be true to yourself, love who you are and you will meet & attract the right person and visa,versa.
Good lUck!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2010): You seem to be doing everything right and the potential is there for a good match, but there will never be a perfect match, as we are all so different, and there will always be little differences between partners, making them question their compatibility. The truth is none of us are truely compatible, but we all have the ability to work on getting along and be happy at the same time.
I would honestly say that it's bad luck so far, that the right one hasn't come along yet. One day it will, though, as long as you're not too fussy and you just keep doing everything right that you know you've been doing. I'm very confident that you're right when you say that, "the ones that are interested in me, I do not find them to be a good-match, and the ones I’ve liked – something that has only happened a handful of times – are not interested in me." The thing is, if you just try not to look at it as a rush to get there, in time, you will find that great relationship partner you've always waited for by just continuing to do exactly the same thing you've been doing so far.
I wouldn't change a thing, if I were you, and sometimes when we get frustrated, we change things and make irrational decisions to try to rush positive change. Don't let that happen to you, and just try to keep your life going how it has, and you'll eventually get to the person you've always wanted, and they'll just happen to feel the same way too. You're not doing anything wrong, but it's just odds, that there will only be so many people around that will work out great, and make you feel as satisfied with life as you would want. You have to be happy with how the other person behaves and can't just settle for immaturity or too many other negatives. It seems like that's not the opposing factor you're having the most trouble with, though, such as just having the feeling you're really with the right one. If that's all it is, that will either come along or not, but don't get too frustrated, because sometimes it takes a very long time before the winds of fate throw our ship closer to our life partner's ship.
Hang in there, because at around your age alot of factors key in to make matters alot worse, and make it seem like there's nobody compatible or worth being with at all. This being, by then, the person you would have really liked has already taken up another relationship or marriage.. or they have children, sometimes that creates barriers. Alot of people have already been through what they thought would be a lifelong relationship, and have split from that or been divorced. Therefore, they're hesitant or afraid to try again. Just keep doing what you're doing, though, and if you really feel strongly about a certain person, make it known to them (unless they're with someone else at present), and eventually you'll find the love you've always looked forward to being with.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2010): id give more people a chance. dont judge a book, by its cover. Get to know someone its not all about looks
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