A
male
age
41-50,
*agus
writes:I am extremely depressedI am a 28 year old guy who has never been in a relationship. I have never been kissed. I have never slept with a woman. I am extremely depressed. I am ashamed of who I am. I have absolutely no self-confidence or self-esteem. I need psychiatric help because this is all I can think about. I want to love but I feel as though it is too late. The emotional toll of this is insane. I feel like I have no one to talk to about it. I rarely am able to have a serious conversation with my parents. Talking to them is like talking to a wall.I have an immune system condition called eczema and/or psoriasis. It is one of the reasons I am always so depressed. I’ve had days where I couldn’t even get out of bed because the pain was so terrible. My skin would also flake everywhere like snow. My skin would bleed and my clothes would be covered in blood. Simple acts like washing my hands are sometimes excruciating. Taking showers would hurt as well. In public people would say what is that or is that contagious. I grow tired of explaining what it is. The doctors would say my psoriasis/eczema was in the top 1% when it was bad. It is excruciating.I have never had a career. I have never had a job. I want to work and be able to support myself. I want to be able to go to a bar and take a pretty girl home with me to my own place and not my parent’s house. I want to go out and hang out with friends on my own dime. I feel as though it is too late. Who is going to hire a guy who is 28 with no work experience? I need help. This is all due to my eczema and/or psoriasis becoming extremely severe. It stole my youth away from me. I cry myself to sleep sometimes. I desperately want to be financially secure.I am now on Food stamps, Medicaid, and welfare and currently with my parents. I’m a 28 year old man without any friends, girlfriends, career, or future living on welfare with my parents. This is extremely humiliating. I want to solve my problems but I don’t know how.My grades are terrible. Lack of self-confidence, depression, no girlfriend, and very few friends has made me a very poor student. I want desperately to have friends and have relationships. But my grades are now terrible and I’m not sure I can correct them. I’m not sure I can dig myself out of this dilemma. I am intelligent but this emotional toll is too great. I feel that my grades are so bad that the damage is irreversible.All of my friends are on the internet. I haven’t been out with anyone in years except my parents. Anonymity gives me a way to communicate and make friends without revealing how pathetic I am. Instead of studying I would get my social interaction on the computer. I always feel insecure in social situations. In my youth I would always be scared to ask questions. When I asked questions at home my parents would most of the time yell at me. In class I wouldn’t ask because I felt like it would make me look stupid. This hurt my grades significantly. Girls and guys thought I was gay simply because I didn’t know how to communicate. I didn’t understand basic social dynamics. In later years girls would flirt with me and I just thought they were making fun of me or something. I was very paranoid of people. I was also a computer geek in the days when they were not popular. I was never athletic due to asthma.My youth was very lonely. I had very few friends and I just kept to my room most of the time. I never felt I could talk to my parents about anything important to me. I mostly kept to myself in the computer room talking to people behind the veil of anonymity. Most of this wasn’t helping my education. I was being social on the internet instead of locally at my school. I didn’t know how to interact at school. I was always picked on and I was always paranoid of everyone.I want a normal life desperately. I want to be financially secure. Most of all I want to love. I am so depressed. Everyone has someone but me. I have 0 experiences.I have been suicidal sometimes. A life like the one I lead is not a good one.The good things about me: I’m kind, I’m intelligent (really I am), I look good (when my eczema doesn’t flare up), I’m compassionate toward others. No woman is going to care about those things if I cannot support myself though. No woman wants an extremely depressed guy either. Even though I have never been with a woman I do have standards. I don’t want to date morbidly obese women. I care about intelligence more than looks though. If I could be financially secure and have relationships and friends I would be a happy man. Until these conditions are met I will be in a state of despair. I just want a life.With recent treatments my eczema and/or psoriasis has cleared up.
View related questions:
depressed, flirt, insecure, the internet Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, cereal killer +, writes (29 August 2010):
many people here posting don't know how traumatizing this psoriasis condition is, dude i understand what you are going trough, i have psoriasis as well it sucks but you have to straighten your life, if the medicine you are on right now doesn't help try others seek other professional help as well, as for the low self esteem from personal experience being depressed and low confident won't help your situation at all, i was so depressed once in my early teen i turned to drugs and alcohol ,finally i started reading Nietzsche will to power i can say it saved my life, so i got myself a job i had a few relationships , my point given don't think about it don't let it get into your head and dominate you, be stronger walk with your head up and show people hey see this none of you business , anyways if you want girls start setting goals in your life
1st get good grades at school
2nd get a job
3rd get some friends go to places clubs etc
let people know you have no problem with you condition and they shouldn't either
A
female
reader, veronika  +, writes (12 July 2010):
 You're only 28. People these days can live until they're in their 70s, 80s, 90s, 100s. I know people much older than you who are single and have no kids (my uncle is one of them). The only difference between you and, say, my uncle (in his 40s) is that he's had relationship experience. Not having experience doesn't mean anything if you're confident within yourself (and that doesn't mean being extroverted - it just means you're able to accept yourself as you are, and are relatively happy with it). There are plenty of women out there who would love to go out with someone like you, even if you have no experience. A lot of women are sick of the bullshit a lot of men throw at them - so it may be refreshing for a woman to meet someone like you who is a blank canvas, a clean slate. Your inexperience doesn't have to be a bad thing, it depends on your attitude.
...............................
A
male
reader, magus +, writes (12 July 2010):
magus is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMy eczema problems are not really over. It is a chronic condition. All I can do is suppress my immune system to keep it at bay. I'm happy that I'm better but I'm not happy about the path of destruction it has left it it's wake.
I want to excel at school but I'm not sure they will accept me now. I had to drop 2 years ago simply because my eczema became so severe it was becoming impossible for me to get to class.
My original plan was to get a good career and then meet a wonderful woman. I feel like I have a better understanding of social dynamics now than I did when I was younger. I'm trying to be more outgoing. But at the end of a day a woman doesn't want someone who is jobless and living with their parents.
If I can go to college and work my way up again I would feel so much better. But I feel like it is ruined. I feel like there is no way out.
I'm one of those guys who puts women on the pedestal. I would go around thinking why do I deserve such beauty. What makes me so special.
The virginity thing doesn't bother me as much as just wanting to love someone. I want to fall in love, kiss, cuddle, and just be there for my lover.
I need to find myself. I don't want to go through life alone any longer.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2010): You've written a very long detailed story of how the skin issues helped to destroy your whole life. Then at the end the last sentence says that those problems have recently been removed. I'm confused here. I would think this is the point where you're happy as hell. Are you struggling with how to start taking steps forward now? Is that it?
...............................
A
male
reader, magus +, writes (11 July 2010):
magus is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much for your replies.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2010): Hi. I know you know this, but the only one who can change your life is you. Don't let your past inhibit your future. It may take some time, but have faith that things will get better. You just have to be patient and work towards a goal.
#1
You have to take responsibility for yourself. Not trying to sound harsh, but stop feeling sorry for yourself and know that you are important. Know that you are human just like everyone else in the world. That is the uniting factor that connects all people. Everyone has insecurities, but you have to overcome them. You said you are intelligent and attractive. Focus on the good things about yourself and push yourself to overcome your worries. Little by little, overcome your fears. Even if you just start by saying hi to a stranger or asking a small question. In time you will become more comfortable with social interaction and I guarantee you most of your interactions will be positive and not as bad as you have expected. Self confidence goes a long way and can do nothing but add to your appeal as a person. People are generally drawn to other happy, friendly, confident people.
Financial Security:
Are you currently in college? If yes, then it is never too late to dig yourself out of bad grades. Again it may take some time, but I have faith that you are perfectly capable of being successful. You just need to set your priorities. Also, you can gain experience by getting a part time student position at your college. If that is not an option, get a part time job at a fast food place or movie store or something. It may not be ideal but everyone has to start from somewhere. Take advantage of the fact that you are with your parents. If they aren't there for emotional support, then let them be there for financial support. You can focus on your studies and grades without having the pressure of working 80 hours a week to make ends meet. You can do this, I promise.
Friends:
While social interaction on the computer is fine. You need to break away from this because it sounds like it is inhibiting you from face to face social interaction. Do you have any hobbies? Have you looked for clubs you could join? You said you are a computer geek, right? That isn't a bad thing at all. Maybe there are some social groups in your area that you could join which deals with computers, gaming, etc. It would be a great way for you to meet people with common interests and build friendships.
Women:
You have get out in the world and you have to set goals and get your life straight. A woman can appreciate a man who has initiative to create a better life for himself. The fact that you are in a crappy situation now will only look that much better to a woman when you have dug yourself out of it. That on top of being smart, attractive, and the confidence you will develop for yourself is a sure-fire way to attract a good woman.
I hope this was helpful. Don't give up on yourself.
...............................
A
female
reader, veronika +, writes (11 July 2010):
I think you need to really think about getting therapy. You're depressed, have low self esteem and have been suicidal - you need help, and it's great you've identified that.
For now, I know it's hard, but don't focus on getting a girlfriend. Focus on getting better - focus on your mental health. Once you feel you're on the right track with treatment, then you can start to make dramatic changes in your life, like getting a job, studying more to get qualifications, saving money, moving out etc.
Also think about what you're interested in and what you're good at. Most people make their living out of doing something they're good at and know. It could be something creative like art, filmmaking, design, writing etc., it could be something more hands on like becoming a tradesman, or it could be something like engineering or architecture or becoming a teacher. Think about what you like. Maybe therapy will help with this.
Once you get on track and get treated for your mental health issues, whether it be by cognitive behavioural therapy or medication, you can start to gain all those things like a good job, place to live and a girlfriend. Because at the moment you don't seem like you're in a good place to get any of those things, mainly because it impairs you. But, again, therapy can correct this.
Good luck :-)
...............................
|
