A
female
age
36-40,
*olove10
writes:So this is a really long and confusing question but here it goes. I have been in a relationship with a guy who is separated but not completely divorced for about a year and a half. When I met him he had already moved out and was not living or sleeping with his wife. He has a young daughter of 2 years and that has made the divorce more complicated. I have been patient, although it puts a burden on our relationship that we cannot go out in public and have to hide each other from our families. He recently told me he went to speak to his lawyer and is planning on filing this month, how much longer do I wait? I am so frustrated and feel like such a horrible person, yet I am totally in love with this man which makes it even more complicated. Help :(
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2012): Push the issue with him. Dont feel guilty, he knew what he was gettng into forming a relationship with you. Hes either with his wife or hes with you! Why does he still feel the need to keep you a secret and neither of you can tell your families. You are both adults not teenage kids. How long do you want to wait, another 18 months, 3 year or 5? Yes you love him and you will probably hang on in there hoping this relationship is going to move on. Ask yourself, do I push him on this and see the proof that he is going to go through with this divorce or do I move on. Only you can see this through. Good look.
A
female
reader, PerhapsNot +, writes (28 February 2012):
 This is a red flag to me: we cannot go out in public and have to hide each other from our families. Why is this? Why do you both feel the need to hide one another from your families? Why can you not go out in public together? If he is separated and no longer lives with his wife, why do you two behave as if you're sneaking around and hiding your relationship from the world? Does she know he is dating you? Any time there is secrecy like this, it's usually because the man is still with his wife and he wants his mistress to be very low key, so no one finds out and tells her.Initiating the divorce process is fast and easy. It's the splitting of the finances and property that can take a while, but the actual filing is fast and easy. Has he told you in the past that he would file and failed to do so, or is this the first time? If he has said it in the past and never acted on it, you're getting played. If he doesn't file this month as he said he would, you're getting played.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (28 February 2012):
 have you been to his home? do you have his home office and cell numbers?
to be honest, in my state there is no legal separation you are either married or you are not. I was told by my lawyer the first time to NOT be seen in public with any men while the divorce was pending... thankfully my ex was not a problem so that was not an issue for me either.
My first divorce took over 7 years because neither of us was in a rush to remarry and had he not married another woman I am not sure we ever would have divorced.
So at this point you are his dirty secret right?
like honeypie said.. How much longer do you want to wait?
personally you are already long gone you said you are totally in love with him so no matter what he tells you, it will be ok with you until you have had enough...
so what's enough?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2012): I am so sorry to tell you but he is still married sleeping with his wife the way he is acting just proves that you are just a toy he plays with when he is bored with his home life.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (28 February 2012):
 How much longer do you WANT to wait?
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