| A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: Im 15 years old and my boyfriend who ive been with for two years asked me to marry him, on christmas eve. Ive said yes and although we are keeping our relationship secret from everyone else because were afraid they'll ruin it i have decided i want to tell people, but hew doesnt so everytime someone asks if were togetehr he says no and it hurts, what can i do to get him to tell everyone?
View related questions:
christmas Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Amethyst  +, writes (20 January 2007):
 I'm not trying to sound mean, but...
It's obvious you two aren't in a strong enough relationship to even think about marriage yet. If you two can break up because of friends not liking you two being together, it shows you two aren't inseperable. And to top it off, you two are still lurking in the shadows... my suggestion, follow these steps:
1. Become a public couple.
2. Outlast the harrassment of "friends" and otherwise.
3. Go steady for at LEAST a year without a break-up.
4. Let him meet your parents more than once.
5. Think about the commitment of marriage.
If you can do all that, then go for it! If not, you'll be making a huge mistake having your secret wedding (not to mention illegal unless he's 18) ceremony. I know this isn't what you want to hear, and probably no one expects it from me, but you've GOT TO LISTEN....
I can't do anymore but wish you the best of luck! I hope you two become a happily married couple one day! ^_^
A
male
reader, Ponungalungb +, writes (12 January 2007):
 O.K. You started dating at 11. You really are mature. LOL. I have a question. Where are your parents? An 11 year old that is dating is too much for me to fathom.
Go back to my first response and follow my advice. You'll thank me one day.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks to all of you, ive read them and understand all of you completely, but i havent told you the whole story. Both of us have been going out before we met at 11 and went out for about 6 months when we broke up because of friends dislikeing us, then again at 12 but broke up again because of depression, i have been out with other people but i cant seem to like them i cant adjust to someone else. Its always been our friends that have split us up and neither of my friends like him and his dont like me. MAybe this will put a bit more into it. Thank you anyways. xxx
Cordi
...............................
A
female
reader, stina +, writes (11 January 2007):
 Hi Anonymous,
I'm not going to go and tell you that you shouldn't get married; I think everyone else has covered that already anyway.
I don't know where you live, but in most places if you're under a certain age (usually it's 16), then you need to have parental consent to marry. Have you talked to anyone about this?
Do either of you have jobs? How are you going to pay for your marriage license and fees? I'm assuming you'd go to your local courthouse to get married.
And when you get married, you'll need to have witnesses other than the court clerk (or whoever is going to marry you) present. Do you really want to have courthouse employees be the "guests" at your wedding?
And is your fiance going to tell people you two are married once the marriage is over and done with? Are you two prepared to rent a place together, or will you still need to live with your seperate parents? That would be totally awkward and I can tell you now you'd hate it (I don't care who you are, nobody wants to live in a seperate home from their spouse).
Oh, and blood tests. Some places require blood tests before marriage. How are you going to get this done without your parents seeing a bill in the mail? Are you going to have to sneak around and find the medical bill and pay it yourself? Do you have a credit card or checkbook, because insurance companies don't accept cash. And I'm sure your or his parents would notice if there was an extra payment for a medical bill paid with one of their checks or included on their next credit card statement. And paying cash without using insurance is very expensive - over $100. Do each of you have $100 to spend on your own blood tests?
Those are just some of the things that I thought you might want to consider.
Take care.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2007): My sweet girl u are so young and so does not know what it takes to be married. For u to be married u have got to be matured enough.Another thing u must know is that by nature the human heart is deceiptive,u never can tell if what the guy wnts is sex.U also have to be equipped education wise.U may fall out of love in future, so be careful.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2007): if u have anything a burdon 2 you, it aint worth it. call it off i mean your 2 young to get married, w h a t were y o u thinking especialy you boyfriend. im only 2 years older than you and i know better, i may have felt like i wanted to be married but nope. and if you think he is ashamed of you because he does not want anybody 2 know yall are 2gether you need to keep it simple. actually some of my relationships ended on rumors, so i kept some relationships on the down low, if thats the case then talk 2 him and tell him, (if you trust him enough) that you will believe him before any body, he should say the same. i call it a trust talk.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2007): Wow, you are so very young and you met this boy when you were only 13 and you are going to want to marry him at 15? You have not even dated anyone else but somehow you think you know that he is the one you want to spend your very long life with?
Did something change in your relationship and that is the reason he proposed marriage? Did you agree to have sex if he proposed, or was that already happening? Is one of you about to move with their family so that you will be apart if you do?
I can't for the life of me understand why you think you would be able to get a job with no education or skills because you are so young and expect to be married and living on your own, your marriage will fail from sheer starvation if nothing else.
...............................
A
male
reader, Ku-Ni-Eh +, writes (11 January 2007):
I guess most people covered what i would tell you. trust them. alot can change in 3 years. i loved a girl enoght to marry her but in less then 6 months we broke up. and if you really want to marry him now or soon then youll need suport of everyone else. keeping it secert is not a good thing. ive been there to. so i sugest telling people that your dating. but save the "I want to Marry him" fo then youve been with him more in the public.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2007): It sounds wierd to me that your boyfriend doesnt want people to know you are together! I mean,if he doesnt want people to know that you are even together,does he think that you could really keep marraige a secret?? You need to split up with him hun,he's not worth it! Why would you want to marry someone who is obviously ashamed of something becuase he wont let people know about you!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2007): No way should you get engaged at 15.
Or married at 16. Or even 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22.
There's no way you've got any emotional maturity or life skills.
Also teenage marriage has HIGH divorce rates - and that's a fact - taken from an ITV documentary statistics - plus it has the following life skills disadvantages:
• You are tied to that person – you cannot end the relationship without divorce, and divorce is costly, and has far-reaching consequences, notably stress-induced
• Dating others is a no-no - and would you really want to miss out on the fun world of dating??
• Being a teenage married/divorced has a stigma, a very negative one.
• You haven't got the life, or social skills, to adjust to marriage.
These are the main reasons why it is wrong.
Danielle S
x
...............................
A
female
reader, Lilly223 +, writes (10 January 2007):
 At 15 you do not have the emotional maturity to understand all the aspects that are involved in getting married. AND neither does your boyfriend if he can't even acknowlege that you are his girlfriend.
Marriage isn't one long happy date! It's work, it's sleeping in the same bed when you would just as soon they went away for a very long time, It's busting your hind end to make sure the bills are paid and there is food on the table, it's fighting and remembering that you still love them at the same time, it's NOT being able to break up because they did something to hurt your feelings. It promising them that you will stay by thier side for the REST OF YOUR LIFE... that makes it about the next 70 years?!!
Once you get over the romantic idea that marriage is wonderful, lets think about reality. Where are you going to live? Your both going to have to work, because at 15 about the only job you can get pays minimum wage. It means sometimes going hungary because the electric is about to be shut off. How are you going to get to work? Neither one of you can drive?! What if you get pregnant? How will you keep your job? Jobs that 15 year olds are qualified for don't give you maternity leave. What are you going to do when he decides he doesn't like being married and wants to date other people? What are you gong to do with the upaid bills, whose buying diapers, where will you be when you are left with a baby and no support? I wonder if your parents will be understanding then after they find out you secretly ran off to get married, got pregnant, and are now knocking on thier door asking them to take care of you because the babies daddy took off cause marriage wasn't for him. Now they have to support you and a baby they didn't want... if they did they would have had one on thier own. And this is the best case scenerio in getting married at 15, the worst I can't even imagine.
You need to do some serious thinking. If you were mature enough to make a decision to get married at this point in your life, you wouldn't even be considering it.
...............................
A
female
reader, Amethyst +, writes (10 January 2007):
While I'm not trying to come in and tell you what you want to hear (all the while tossing off the other two respondies), I do have a bit more of a know-how-you-feel complex.
While I know most people do not agree with me being engaged, I still believe it's what is going to make me happy. I've always been told I was more mature than most. At ten, I was sorting out problems for my drama queen sister and her friends (who were all at least 18). At 14 I met the love of my life and we've been engaged for around a year now. I'll be 17 in February, and I'll be moving in with him in 10 days. Most people tear me down about it, they say I'm CRAZY, I'm "too young." I don't let people tear me down about it, and you shouldn't either. I know I haven't went through and lived my life, but I KNOW he's the man I want to marry, and I want to spend my LIFE with... so why wait around? He loves me enough to let me live it with him, and if you're boyfriend's the same I don't see a problem at all....
BUT!
At least me and my fiance are open about it, we're not afraid to let people know we're together. If your "fiance" isn't even letting you say you're together, then he's either got something to hide, or he's ashamed. Neither are a fine factor of a future husband. You need to sit down with him and tell him: I CANNOT marry someone who won't even acknowledge we're together. If you're ashamed to be with me, why should I believe you'd show up at our wedding...
What, is the wedding supposed to be secret too? I can kinda see why he'd want to keep the engagement secret, because trust me, it draws a lot of unnecessary and unwanted attention... but why can't he say he's with you at least? Honestly, there's no reason. I had someone who claimed me, but didn't want it known to anyone else besides a few people I hung around. Guess why? He was with about three other girls. I don't care because I didn't care for him, but you catch my drift. If he leaves you because you want to let people know you're in love, then I'm sorry to be so blunt but, he isn't worth crying over, and he's DEFINATELY not worth marrying.
Good luck!
...............................
A
male
reader, Ponungalungb +, writes (10 January 2007):
Stop it. Stop it now.
Do like Kenny says. Go out and do what other teenagers are doing (whatever that is), and live your life.
Getting married or even just getting tied down at 15 is crazy. YOU ARE TOO YOUNG!!!!
Cut and save this column and re-read it every day until you're 25. Then, maybe you'll be old enough to get married. Maybe.
...............................
A
male
reader, kenny  +, writes (10 January 2007):
 What is the big rush to get married, you are so terribly young, both of you.
Live your lives, enjoy yourselves, you should be having the time of your lives at this age, not walking down the aisle.
Speak to your parents about this, thats what they are there for.
Good luck x
...............................
|
