A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been official for 5 months, but have been "involved" for over a year. Before we were together, we had a fair amount of issues regarding other women and him lying. Ever since then, and even after we've become official, I still can't stop obsessing over the past girls he's slept with. He's completely changed and is a wonderful boyfriend, but I still find naked pictures of girls in his email, sent before we were "together." It's gotten to the point where I've stalked their Facebooks, and even sent bitchy, angry messages to them after finding naked pictures of them on his laptop. I obsess so much now that I even dream about them, even though I know my boyfriend has no contact with these women. This past weekend, after asking my boyfriend to please be aware and delete any remaining inappropriate pictures, I went through his email and found more sent by one girl in particular about 5 months ago, but the point was that there is always some remnant left of all the girls he's been with before me. This could become a bigger problem in our relationship since I have trust issues and continue to invade his privacy, yet he still makes no attempt to search his computer and get rid of these pictures. Should I be worried and concerned about his fidelity, or should I finally drop the ex-ho's all together??
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female
reader, LLindy87 +, writes (31 August 2010):
 I don't think this is his problem, I think you have the problem. Sorry to be blunt, but you have him now, not those girls. He fell for you, not those girls and if he did he doesn't love them anymore. He loves you.
Stop acting crazy, it will drive him away eventually. Unless you find pictures that are recent then there is a problem.
this stems from your insecurity and you said it...your trust issues. Therefore this is something you need to overcome. Most everyone has a past, I'm sure you knew he wasn't a virgin when you got involved so unless he lied to you about that you can't really hold that against him.
Live in the present, be mature and don't hold grudges about his past. But I know it would bother me if someone I was dating still kept those pictures, so my advice there is to sit down with him and calmly tell him that it really bugs you.
you could be like "I know I get jealous sometimes but the fact that I know you still have those pictures drives me bananas. can you please take them off?" and if he says no, then you can get upset. But my guess is that if you ask nicely, he'll do it. If you scream at him and nag him, he won't want to meet you halfway.
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