A
male
age
41-50,
*ds28916
writes:HeyNot sure this is realy sexual or relationship themed, but i think ultimately it does relate.Am going through a bit of a confusing time at the moment.I live in a large shared house, we are all students, about 9 lads all known each other for ages.I find that everything i do, i try and do with other peoples blessing or I am thinking of them whilst i do it. Not like in a completely selfless way, well kind of but not really... for example.If i have a movie to watch then i will not want to watch it in case someone misses it, even if i am bored and want to watch it there and then i would wait. I do enjoy watching movies with people but it is getting out of hand where i am almost dependant on having someone there.If i am playing a video game, i will be thinking more about how much someone else would enjoy it than enjoying it myself.If i am listening to music I think about how other people would like it more so than enjoying it myself.I feel that most things i am doing recently (past year or so) is to impress other people or something.I also feel it is something to do with wanting to entertain or show off cool stuff... possibly from low self esteme???? showing off these things might make me come across better.I find myself being quite good as far as doing nice things for people and doing favours, but still come accross to my friends as someone selfishI worry i am coming across desperate or needy to my friends as i am sensing that i dont seem to have much respect toward me from people. Like i think sometimes that my housemates think i am a mug.The other side to this is that sometimes i notice myself being selfish and can talk quite sharp to people... like very abrupt.Possibly i am being excessivly nice to make up for the times i am not?But that wouldnt explain the weridness of thinking about how others would be enjoying something that i am watching, playing or listening too more than i am enjoying it myself.I just feel really depressed and kinda empty from the whole thing recently.I have always had quite long relationships with girls and i guess i am missing the companionship from that as it has been around 3 years since i had a relationship. But 2 of the girls i have dated have given me the impression they think i am needy.How can i sort this out!!! I am a pretty realistic and switched on person but i find this consuming me and its getting worse.
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female
reader, kim 18 +, writes (8 September 2008):
 Hey maybe u just need to get out more and meet new people its gd to be selfless but its also gd to be selfish. u may think about what other people think cuz u dont wanna think about wot u think say like u may not like the answers u come up with so u try and think about other people and how they would do things and if they will like doing them.mabe to keep ur mind off the real problem if there is one.u said that u live with all lads so maybe u want them to repect u so u try and do things they like nd when ur doin something on ur own u think about if they will like it cuz u dont wanna do something they may not like in doing this u loss ur own self respect. maybe if u try and do one thing by ur self for ur self once a day or even once a week things may get better. u dont have to be nice all the time ur aload to loss ur temper and get sharp with people if u dont people will think ur a mug cuz u will let them rule wot u do and teying to be nice every min or everyday ant gd for u. people will give u more repect when give ur self more respect and do things for ur self this may not be any help to u but i do hope that u find a any to sort this thing out but remeber that thing have to get worse before they get better.
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