A
male
age
41-50,
*ames200
writes: Ok...so here’s my story. My girlfriend and I were dating for 2 years when we started to have some problems with our relationship. By the end there was so much pushing and pulling we decided to breakup so we could concentrate on our careers. It seemed that the stress of the relationship and moving forward was consuming a lot of our time and holding us back from our personal dreams. We decided to make a clean break so not to mess with each others head. Having complete freedom to concentrate on whatever was important to either one of us...free of stress. We still express our feeling for each other...but there had to be no rules. Complete freedom. This was not a break up were people did not care about each other...the situation was holding us back. So we parted with the intentions that if we were really meant for one another we would find our way back and with that she moved out of my place. So two and a half months went by and during that time I quite my job and found the most amazing job. I was now enjoying work and felt like my life was coming together. It was an amazing two months. I worked hard but also went on some dates because I felt lonely. I never found anyone I liked and I did not sleep with anyone. Every time I went out on a date, and kissed someone, I thought of my ex girlfriend. So I took a weekend for myself and thought hard about what I wanted out of life. I decided I wanted to marry my ex. I called her and we decided to meet for coffee. I told her everything that was going on in my life and how much better things were for me. And that’s when she dropped the bomb on me. She said she still had not found a job and was sleeping with someone regularly. I was crushed. I thought what a bad idea it was to breakup. I had found happiness in one area of my life and lost it in another. We parted and I went home a mess. Two more months went by and we talked a few times on the phone about getting back together. Then one night she called me and crying and told me how much she missed me and wanted to get back together. So we got back together and it’s been three months and my girl still does not have a job, she went to school to be a nurse, and slips in comments once and awhile to remind me about the guy she slept with when we were broken up. I feel like running out of this relationship. I fought so hard to get my life together and I feel she is not doing her part. I have been patient but think it might be time to run. What does anyone think?
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male
reader, James200 +, writes (25 January 2011):
James200 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTrinityj696:I agree with you, she should not get a job for me. She should find out what makes her happy in life. I was just upset because she spent time and money on school and when she finished she never even tried it. She just hangs out. I agree, communication is a must have skill if we are to make it. Thanks
A
male
reader, James200 +, writes (25 January 2011):
James200 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionLaLaLoo123: I just wanted to elaborate on my answer to what you wrote. I think running is a bad idea, I agree. I see where I wrote that in my question. I meant get out of the relationship in a mature way. Talk, explain, and make a decision. Thanks for your impute.
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A
male
reader, James200 +, writes (25 January 2011):
James200 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSerpico: I am trying so hard to mend this relationship, with a lot of pain on my side, and not walk away like what happened the first time. But her changes are at a snails place. I know once I walk that will most likely be it for us. And yes to my career it stable and getting better. I am doing very well. But its not about the money...I could support both of us. I don’t think it healthy for her to sit around and do nothing. She said she wanted to have a career but I don’t see it.
angelDlite: Yes we sorted them out. It took a while but we tackled most of the past stuff. She just does not want to work and lives off her past money she has earned. Its just enough for her to get by...she does not do much. She gets stuck in front of the TV, but I am slowly getting her away. But I can’t get her to look for a job.
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A
male
reader, James200 +, writes (25 January 2011):
James200 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSerpico: I am trying hard to mend this relationship, with a lot of pain on my side, and not walk away like what happened the first time. But her changes are at a snails place. I know once I walk most likely that will be it for us. And yes to my career it stable and getting better. I am doing very well. But its not about the money...I could support both of us. I don’t think it healthy for her to sit around and do nothing. She said she wanted to have a career but I don’t see it.
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A
female
reader, Trinityj696  +, writes (25 January 2011):
I dont understand why it matters if she has a job or not, if she is unhappy with her life then she needs to make the choice to change it herself - if she gets a job for you its all wrong!
Talk to her about how you feel, work things through, you guys will need this skill if your going to be together and if you cant do it then there's no point in trying to make it work!
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A
male
reader, Serpico  +, writes (25 January 2011):
Sounds like she had a great time while you were gone and wants to remind you of it. Other than that, nothing about her seemed to change.
If it were me, there would be no going back. Look - you left her and your career took off. If your career continues, the least of your issues will be attracting women.....
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A
female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (24 January 2011):
 ok well that's good news that the two of you can obviously sort problems out. SO, have you spoken to her about the things that are making you feel like you should walk this time round?
xx
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A
male
reader, James200 +, writes (24 January 2011):
James200 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionLaLaLoo123:
I would not "run." The title I gave the question was Breaking up is hard to do. It was changed.
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A
male
reader, James200 +, writes (24 January 2011):
James200 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo angeldlite:
Yes those are resolved.
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A
female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (24 January 2011):
ok, she needs to stop mentioning this other man to you. what is the purpose of doing that do you think? and also, the problems that you say the relationship developed after the 2 year mark, are these resolved now or not?
xx
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A
male
reader, James200 +, writes (24 January 2011):
James200 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAnonymous reader:
No she has not been looking for a job. Just hangs out with her friends. I have tried helping her but she does not want it. I think she is scared.
Sageoldguy:
Yes...I have though about that. If I am boyfriend or career counselor. Sometimes when you are in love or think you are in love...you can’t or don’t want to see clear.
LaLaLoo123
Yes I have told her to stop and I think she does it because she was hurt. But I’m not the one who slept with another person. I know I have to get over it but it is hard when it’s in your face. And yes...I think a job would make her feel better.
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A
male
reader, James200 +, writes (24 January 2011):
James200 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionFirst I would like to thank those of you have taken the time to respond to my situation. I would like to respond to the comments that have been written and will try and answer them as honestly as possible.
To angeldlite:
She dumped him.
It was not a 100% mutual breakup. It was more on my side, but she said our dating was holding her back. We might not have handled it correctly but we were at a stand still and we made a decision together not to play with each others head. We did not want to fall in one of those calling back and forth and sleeping with each other on nights when we were lonely. But yes, I know she was hurt...so was I.
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A
male
reader, James200 +, writes (24 January 2011):
James200 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionFirst I would like to thank those of you have taken the time to respond to my situation. I would like to respond to the comments that have been written and will try and answer them as honestly as possible.
To angeldlite:
She dumped him.
It was not a 100% mutual breakup. It was more on my side, but she said our dating was holding her back. We might not have handled it correctly but we were at a stand still and we made a decision together not to play with each others head. We did not want to fall in one of those calling back and forth and sleeping with each other on nights when we were lonely. But yes, I know she was hurt...so was I.
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A
female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (24 January 2011):
hi
if she still hasn't got a job, then the break up was a waste of time wasn't it and all that has happened is that she got the opportunity to get sex from another guy.
you went away and did something constructive with your life, she did something negative with hers. did she call you wanting you back when the guy dumped her?
don't let this situation drag you down when you have been doing so well. make her step up to YOUR standard. tell her she needs to get a job and she REALLY needs to stop rubbing your nose in it about the other guy. its just plain cruel, but the thing is, is that she probably KNOWS its cruel.
when you split up that first time and you went your separate ways are you SURE it was what she really wanted? coz it seems like she may be bitter at you for some reason, or is she jealous that you went on to have more success than her? you got a great job and all she ended up with was a f***buddy
xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2011): Has she been looking for a job? If she has been looking, then don't blame her. Things take time because were in a bad economy. If she isn't trying and just loafing around, then she's probably using you in a way---if that's her case then you should end it for good. Try helping her put together a resume, set up a mock job interview for her if she really is looking for a job.
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A
female
reader, LaLaLoo123 +, writes (24 January 2011):
Talk to her about how you feel and tell her that your getting upset that she is talking about another man because you love her and you cant think about her with anyone else but you....you have to trust her and she has to trust you help her get a job maybe she would be happier with a job? but if you feel like you are falling then talk to her about that and decide then if you truly want to spend your lives living like you are but dont litrally 'run' because that would make her feel like you cant be botherd...i hope this helped
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