A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly a year and a half. We are'first loves'. We've been living together for about a year, and I'm getting to the point where I don't know if I want to stay with him, but if I think about leaving him, the guilt overwhelms me, and I feel as if I need to keep trying and not give up. I love him, but our relationship feels to me that it's falling apart, our sex life is non existent, we do nothing together outside of the house, we fight about little things constantly. He smokes pot multiple times daily, and I know he has an emotional, not physical, addiction to it, and uses it to cope with his grandma's death and his mother's mental/addiction problems. We've talked, h eknows I am morally against pot, and he promises to cut down and quit but it doesn't seem like he is trying. He doesn;t have a job, says he wants one but won;t hand out resumes unless I take him to do it. He constanty complains that the world shits on him all the time, and it's true, he's had a rough life, but I just want him to suck it up and try to be happy. I feel like I have to do everything for him, for us. I don't know what else to do to save this, but I don't know how to leave, or if I should. I know I will miss him, but should I tell him he needs to fix his problems or stay with him and support him? Please help, I am frustrated and confused...
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male
reader, eddie85  +, writes (31 January 2011):
 Sounds like you have a "boy" and not a "man" in your life.
I think it's time for you to take stock. Is this the man you want in your life -- a guy without much ambition, smokes pot (and knows you are against it), and you guys quibble about small things all day. What would happen if you got pregnant by him? Is this the man you want raising your child?
I think you know the writing is on the wall for this one. It'll take some courage and you'll have to deal with emotional pain, but it sounds like unless he significantly changes his ways, this relationship is doomed.
I think you owe it to yourself and him, though, to try to get back to where you once were. Sit down and talk to him about his behavior and how it is affecting you. Ask him if there is anything you can do to change / help. Get his opinion on where things are at and see if you can work together to rectify the situation. But some sort of ultimatum / plan is in order.
Finally and I don't mean to insult you, I would like to recommend that you read "10 Stupid Things Women Do to Mess up Their Lives" by Dr Laura Schesslinger. She definitely covers this one and by reading it, I think you'll get a much better perspective on where you are at and why.
Good luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2011): have you ever heard of this saying, "you might be letting a good man pass you by"? this guy is not trying to work things out with you, because is acting like he does not even care. I know that you are putting in a lot of work and time to make things work for the both of you, but he is not trying at all. while you are with him you might be letting someone is going to treat you right and be there for you you pass you by.
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