A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I need help!! I dont know how to deal with this love triangle. About six month ago I left my fiance of 11 years for many reasons. 1. I felt in love with a woman 2. he lied to me and was cheating on me. Although I never saw him cheating; but I found condoms on his bagpack and I had a person confirming that he was flirting with other women. Anyhow, during the past couple of months I have been in a relationship with this women with whom I have a really great connection. I think I love her, but I am afraid to come out of the closet and all the issues that come with it. The reason I am writing is because everything was all perfect until I ran into my ex at the grocery store while I was with my new girlfriend. Seeing him opened a lot of feelings. He told me he still loves me and that I am the world to him; but when I confronted him about the girl he was cheating on me with , he stills denies it. Of course, these created a huge problem to my new relationship with this girl, ' cause she got upset for me talking to him and me still having feelings for him. She says she has no patience and that I am wasting her time. She is also 3 years younger than me.I don't know how to go about dealing with this. I don't want to loose her, I love her. But, I can't come out of the closet. and when i saw my ex, all i could think of is that he will tell the whole world I am dating a girl and I am terrified. At the same time, I have mix feeling about my ex now. Life with him seem so much easier. I don't have to come out of the closet or upset my family. He is the easy way, getting marry and have kids. I still have feelings for him; but I don't love him. I see him but I don't feel attracted to him anymore. But, he call me and he is crying that he want me back. I am going nuts about this situation, I am too old for this drama. At the same time, I want to have kids too and He seem to be the quickest and easier way. I am 35 years old already, the lesbian way is hard and time consuming to have a baby..... Do I compromise love for comfort?
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condom, fiance, flirt, lesbian, my ex Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (11 December 2012):
 A "triangle" requires THREE people.....
In your story there is no "love triangle"... just YOU, with ties to two (other) people....
Because this "triangle" is stressful for you, it is incumbent upon YOU to recognize how this "triangle" came to pass... and acknowledge that ONLY YOU can dis-assemble it.... and then do what you want....
Good luck......
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2012): Do you seriously think life will be easier with him knowing the whole time he is a cheater? Look into the future. You will be married to him, maybe with kids, and still be finding unexplained condoms in his bag and hearing rumors about him cheating. Maybe he will get another woman pregnant while married to you. Condoms can break.
Look around this forum. Half of the sad tales are from married people whose spouses are cheating. See the devastation it causes when there are more people involved like kids and the mistresses getting pregnant and having to keep up the facade of a happy family which is living a lie. Living in quiet despair. And lets not forget that you don't love him either so there wont even be that. Plus what if you in the future when all thia is going down you run into your ex girlfriend and now that opens up old feelings especially of love but now you are trapped in marriage by kids and the need to keep up a facade and hide the truth at all costs because you've created an entire family on lies with a liar.
Do you really think this is the more comfortable life than living truthfully and honestly and just being yourself? Do you really want to bring children into the world who have a cheater as a father? You can adopt children and make your family that way rather han by carrying forward the genes of a liar and cheater.
I fail to see how going down the road of heartbreak and betrayal will lead to a comfortable life. You will be choosing short term comfort for long term loss.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2012): Wow! You are so selfish. You want to ruin this poor man's life just because you don't want people to know that you're a lesbian.
Accept yourself. You are gay. Then and only then should you even think about being in a relationship, let alone have kids.
Raising children is hard and selfless. The last thing the world needs are more children screwed up by their selfish mothers.
BTW, I would be a lot more empathetic about your difficulty with coming out, if you weren't trying to ruin another person's life. Maybe you want a loveless, closeted existence, but what makes you think he wants the same? Or have you ever bothered to think about him?
You need to grow up.
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A
female
reader, Atsweet1 +, writes (11 December 2012):
 I would stick with you 1st choice whatever that is. Have children get married raise kids. Thats the way of life. He may or may not cheat but aleast you know what you are getting up front with dealing with him. It will be embarrasing when people find out you are with a women if you make that choice. Hopefully it will be brushed over like with the married down low bi men. Just dont admit it like they do. And stay married and raise a family. You still young to have family. Marriage works for some children keep people married most of the time. Im divorced bi women glad to be freedom wow. Alot has change for the better. My ex told the whole world everything about me so what its in the holy bible as well. Ive been beaten bonded overworked lied upon dragged and the list goes on and so what I like flowers not noodles. In the end I made choice I can live with. Not being married awesome. Oh and one more important detail love is pain.
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