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female
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anonymous
writes: I am 18 and I haven’t dated anyone. YETHere goes the problem; I have crushes on a lot of guys. I can’t seem to stop my self for liking any good looking boys that comes across me, in library, in school, teachers or even builders (I know I am sad!).When I like someone, I like to get close to him, I’d like him to notice me and like me. I don’t have the courage to approach them. The main problem is, if the guy I like gets close to me, I stop liking them and destine myself away from him.For example; I was in tenth grade. I liked this guy in my art class. He was sitting alone in one of the desk. Somehow I was brave enough to sit next to him (I still laugh about where I got that courage!) he began chatting to me. Soon enough, we walk together to classes and have a laugh. I guessed he liked me, and then I suddenly find my self disliking him for no reason. I make up a lot of excuses not to hang around with him, and say to my self ‘how could I like him?’This situation happened at least five times, and I am getting sick of it. I still have crushes on guys, but I am scared if I they get close to me, I might not like them anymore. Although, I want them to get close to me!Do you guys have any possible explanation or thoughts about this?
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female
reader, HaveEarWillListen +, writes (17 October 2006):
It's possible you might have abandoment issues stemming from low self esteem. Perhaps in the back of your mind you think, "If these guys really get to know me they won't like me anymore." So then what happens is you start letting them get to know you, but because you're afraid of being rejected after they do, you hurry up and reject them first, before they have the chance.
Then again, it's not uncommon to be attracted to someone initially and then not be attracted to them anymore after you get to know them. Maybe they have a great smile, but are the biggest jerks on the face of the planet. You should try to analyze the reasons you create for not liking them anymore. Are they really truly rational relevant reasons, or are they a little nit picky? After you've had some space from them do you find yourself being attracted to them again?
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