A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Help! I feel my husband is highly critical of me and often takes a parental tone.What can I say to him that will not make things worse but get him to stop?This isn't a huge part of my marriage, but it upsets me when it happens. When he sees something that he doesn't like he asks "How could you (mix up the dirty and clean clothes) (leave the fridge slightly open)." Even if he was the one who did did it (which he admits after I point it out).He doesn't think I clean enough and do enough to add value to our house.He always points out my faults, or what I didn't do right when we do things together like karate or dance class.I was working full time, but now I only work part time. I vacuum, cook dinner tidy up the house, wash dishes etc. but it's not enough. I am also actively looking for work, but that isn't enough for him.He works from home.I have moved countries and am still adjusting to life here and doing things differently. We have been married for almost 3 years. I feel as though he thinks he is superior to me and that worries me. I think that we just have different ways of doing things.When he speaks to me like that I have to admit I go mute in reaction to what he says. I am so angry but I hate confrontation and I don't want things to escalate.He is generally a good person. He's hardworking and loves to work with his hands outside. I'm a quiet indoor idealist. He is fun to be around and we can laugh and enjoy each other's company except for this. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2010): Hi I am 37years old married for like 6 years know my husband for like 8. Have 4 children the two youngest are his. My husband is very old fashioned. I have always been outgoing happy go lucky person. Stopped being me like 4 years ago ended up hospitalized 3 times with manic depression. He took over my life @ one point regret to admit was more than a mother for a while. Now regaining my life back being a good mother. Directed my life to a new career. My husband is embraccing adequately. Just want to know how can I help him see the world in a different view. Too controling and demanding, with the slow changes I am making in my life I can tell he is noticing he has no more that power over me and it kind of intimmidates him. Don't want to loose my husband and don't plan to loose myself again. How can I make him see its okay for me to bring something to the table, be able to conversate with him, respect my point of view and honor it as I honor his. Willing and ready to get a divorce if he doesn't comply. Don't want to say I give up (only if I have to). We never end an argument with a conclusion. He gets mad and I never finish to get my point across. Care for the man but not willing to go loco for him. His cold, we don't really have much in common. Does this relationship. Has a glimps of a chance? I stopped being me to make him happy and he never was satisfied . I can't do that again cause I need to be happy myself for my and childrens sake. Any advice? Please constuctive critisism.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (8 July 2010):
 It doesn't seem to be a huge part in your marriage, but it will slowly eat you up inside if it doesn't stop or escalates. He's arrogant and because you are afraid of him, your complacency will become a silent killer of intimacy. He can think whatever of you, that shouldn't affect you at all. You know who you are. You don't need his approval. I hate to have to tell you to express your feelings to him because I know he's going to dismiss them and say you are too sensitive. A relationship is unhealthy when you don't feel safe opening up to him. You might tell him that you lose attraction to him because he acts too much like a father. Then he might say to you you act like a daughter. See, he doesn't look at you as an equal because he needs to be in control. Wow, this is triggering something in me because I had been in one of this too. He doesn't sound too extreme compared to the men that other women complain about here, but realize how much happy you would be if your husband is much more gentle, appreciates you and doesn't need to be fixed, or changed. My only advice is don't have a kid with him (if you are childless), let this relationship run its course, argue, fight, if you can't hold it in anymore, but never, never keep it to yourself, pretend everything's okay and give him excuses time after time.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2010): You said that you hate confrontation and dont want thing to escalate, but your feelings need to be heard; somehow, someway. Maybe when you guys are just relaxing and have a good time, if its the right time and place, ask him why he says stuff like that. Tell him how it makes you feel when he reacts that way. Maybe if you do it as calmly and as respectfully as you can he will give a positive response.
This is just one way you could get some answers, but I hope it helps! :)
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