A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:How can I get my self confidence back after my husband left?I tolerated a lot of behaviors from my husband during my marriage that I never thought I would because I thought marriage was supposed to last forever. Every time I would be verbally or emotionally abused by him, it ate away at my self confidence, but I would stay anyway because I felt like I "had" to and I kept hope that he would return to the sweet person he was when we dated.I feel like damaged goods now. Very depressed, feel unhappy and sluggish. What's the worst is that I feel like even though I tolerated all of his bs, he still left me at the end of it all! It's enough to make me crazy.
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female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (12 December 2012):
 Sorry to hear about the end of your marriage. It certainly isn't easy.
So where do you go from here?
Well now, you live for no one else but yourself. Unless of course you two share any children. I would get a makeover, if budget allows. Besides it's nearing a new year, so you want a full fresh start. I also think you would benefit from divorce support groups, or even a divorce counselor if the groups seem too AA.
Lastly, it takes time to emotionally get through a divorce. You're going to feel the effects of it for quite a while, much worse than a break-up. Within time you'll get you back!
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (11 December 2012):
 OK.... so you're damaged....
NOW, get yourself in to the "Repair shop of life" (maybe, with a counsellor).... and go out and make a better life for yourself... happy and pleased that you're rid of that a$$ who damaged you, in the first place, with his abuse.....
Good luck.....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2012): I'm sorry you're going through such a rough time, I know exactly what you mean about forcing yourself to tolerate a lot of intolerable behaviors from your spouse because you were led to believe that "marriage is supposed to be forever." In my opinion, this whole "marriage is supposed to be forever" and people pressuring you to stay married while decrying divorce, actually contributes to the phenomenon of abusive marriages. I think that if leaving a spouse wasn't looked down upon so much (even though the divorce rate is 50%, people still pressure others to stay married) the world would be a happier place. I would suggest that you take this time to reflect on your role in this situation. I am not saying in any way that it was your fault. But we all have contributed in some way to our present situation and I think it helps to examine that to learn from our mistakes so we don't repeat them in the future. For example, perhaps your contribution to this was in believing in the "marriage is supposed to be forever" to the exclusion of healthy boundaries. or maybe some thing else within yourself made you stay longer than you should have, or allowed your husband to mistreat you. I think it would help to reflect on how you can avoid this in the future. Also, if you feel up to it, try to stay busy as that can help sometimes to keep depression at bay.
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