A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Sadly, I've not much experience with interacting with women despite my age, so I'm needing some advice about a woman at work. We work in different departments, so it's not as if we see each other every day if at all. Still, she's made it a point to say "hey" any time she happened to walk by. The last few times, she's struck some conversation with me. Nothing short of small talk and me fumbling and over some words. Still, she's been inside my head ever since. I don't know what to think or do about it. I'm hoping to see her again as such, so we can talk more. We know each other's names, but we technically have never really introduced each other either. I just don't know if she's being friendly or have some interest in me.I'm way too much in head, so I know I'm probably overthinking all of this. In my head, I don't even know what I want let alone what to do regardless. I've never had a girl strike conversation on her own volition with me unless it was specifically work related. It's all too new to me...Silly, I know, but I can't stop thinking about her.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2018): Men have to learn that a woman can be friendly without having an "interest" beyond just being polite and friendly. ESPECIALLY AT WORK!
Politeness is not necessarily flirting, or an overture to get to know you better.
Professionalism and courtesy keeps things in proper-perspective.
Meeting off-premises is different; but you're still a representative of your company, even away from the job. That means your employer is still liable and responsible for your actions towards your co-workers; if an employee files a harassment complaint. Just bear this in-mind. You don't have to be paranoid. If you're an American, you know the climate these days.
Try and control things in your head. You're describing obsession; and I'm sure it's not quite as severe or dramatic as you're coming across.
Gauge your behavior by hers. If she's calm and friendly, be calm and friendly. Don't overthink or place women up on a pedestal like they're angels or fragile creatures. They're people, and you're too old to let your nerves make you flaky.
Passing in the hallway, pause and say hello! Reach-out your hand to shake hers, and introduce yourself properly. Apologize that you didn't try sooner. Rather than be awkward; allow her to speak freely and just follow her lead.
Let things go naturally, and see how that works out. Be cautious; because unwanted-flirtations at work could land you in Human Resources!
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (4 May 2018):
 Well, next time mention that you two haven't been introduced and then tell her your name. (even if she knows it already). If she responds in a positive manner then next time GREET her with her name and see how THAT goes. Or simply ask her for a cup of coffee after work.
Just go slow. And try not to "run" before you can "walk". Which means you DO need to pay attention to HOW she reacts.
Since you don't work WITH each other or NEAR each other I don't think it's a big issue with trying to get to know her. Though in general? Romance in the work place is RARELY a good idea. Too much awkwardness if it doesn't work out, and if done "wrong" can leave either partner feeling harassed.
So BE mindful, BE polite and BE respectful.
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