Is making the first move a good thing?

witch-fire, posted over a year ago

Hi- here's the gist- met a guy at uni, like him+ we're usually together round campus. If he likes me heres some signs: staring, smiling, sitting with me, made an awkward attempt at moving closer to me during a show+ chickened out i think. Signs against: he has a lot of girl mates. Should i ask him out or let him start things. Iv rushed things in the past + been hurt so im nervous of ruining what we have.

Posted on 17 October 2009 @ 22:2 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

If he doesn't look like he's going to then I think you should. I don't think there's any reason at all why a woman shouldn't make the first mood. And I think it's tragic when two people who might hit it off don't get the chance because neither one is willing to take the first step. Life's short. Go for it I rekon. No reason not to.

I don't think going for coffee constitutes rushing things.

Good luck.

Posted on 17 October 2009 @ 23:9 (London time) - permalink
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celtic_tiger, posted over a year ago

Go for it.

I was in a similar situation many years ago. I liked him a lot, he appeared to like me. We flirted, got shy, lots of eye contact, lots of flapping and dithering when in each others company. Blantantly obvious to anyone around us we had something going on, but neither of us was brave enough to make the first move. He was too shy and I was too shy, and that is always a bad thing.

This went on for years...and years...and years.. it was UNBEARABLE!

I found him again about a year ago, the connection is still there strong as ever. I made the move to chat to him, and now we are really good friends. We have so much in common, its like he is the male version of me. We are two halves of a whole. I get him, he gets me. There is perfect understanding. Only problem, he has a girlfriend. I kick myself for never being brave enough to ask him out before. We wasted so much time fannying about being shy. I think we could have had something very strong and long lasting. Sadly I think I have missed my chance. Unless he gets rid of the girlfriend lol.

Take the risk... if you dont try you may never know, and he may be the love of your life, just waiting but being a bit shy. :)

Posted on 18 October 2009 @ 0:57 (London time) - permalink
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witch-fire, posted over a year ago

I understand what you're saying it's just how would I go about it? Should I be casual or just go up and say it?

Posted on 18 October 2009 @ 17:55 (London time) - permalink
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celtic_tiger, posted over a year ago

You say he tried to get closer to you during a show? What type of show? Maybe get two tickets and then say... "hey ive got a couple of tickets to see XXXXX would you like to come?"

OR Ask him if he wants to go with you to get a coffee and then talk to him! Get to know him, ask him about the show you saw together, have and intellectual discussion, then go in with the "would you like to go and see something else with me at the weekend?"

I have learnt, that sitting and waiting does no good at all. You dont know if you dont try. He can only say no. BUT he may say yes!! Good luck.

Posted on 19 October 2009 @ 0:0 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

drop hints that you're into him. start out with subtle ones, and then more obvious hints so he can get the picture. men are more visual than females, so it takes a little longer for them to realize you're interested.

try this:

ask him questions about something he's really into, that you don't know anything or much about. He'll love to be able to talk about it and sound like an expert. look for reasons to ask questions about his involvement with this "thing". for example he's really into futbol and after he's done talking about futbol ask him what his favorite team is

keep him talking, he'll like that. it'll boost his ego

Posted on 19 October 2009 @ 8:34 (London time) - permalink
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witch-fire, posted over a year ago

the coffee thing would be great if that didn't already happen every morning. we usually talk about the course and stuff like that.

something he's really into? I'll try that. Although at the moment that seems to be the library lol

Posted on 19 October 2009 @ 19:39 (London time) - permalink
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