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Dear Cupid > Forums > Cupid's Lounge > Married and thinking about another man

Married and thinking about another man

nitetimeromp, posted over a year ago

I have been with my husband for 8 years and married for 7 months.I have know him and been best mates since 13 and i am now 25. Since we have got married, we seem to have drifted apart, we dont enjoy each others company, he doesnt seem to want to touch me, be near me or make love to me. I have tried the dress up thing to get him interested and the sexy underwear but nothing. Anyway, 4 months ago i was at his mates house, we had a couple of drinks and watched a dvd. One thing led to another and we end up in bed. It was the most amazing sex ever. We spoke and said it couldnt happen again as much as we both wanted it,but it hasnt stopped. We meet up every week, sometimes twice for earth shattering sex. We send txts describing what we want to do to each other. Im falling for him big time. We get on really well and i love being in his company. What should i/we do?

Posted on 11 September 2007 @ 21:46 (London time) - permalink
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rhino, posted over a year ago

i have to say,you must talk yto him,explain how you feel,i am not saying what you done was wrong,but his mate,no no,his friend also should have known better,try again to talk to him,while you are seeing his friend,you mind is all over the place ,stop seeing him say for a couple of weeks till you decide,sit down with your husband,tell him this is the last chance,or you are going,do you have children?

Posted on 5 October 2007 @ 8:30 (London time) - permalink
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rcn, posted over a year ago

To start off, you're going to have to come clean with your husband. You are married to him, you've set your vows with him, you violated the marriage. Since you can't seem to keep your cloths on, the least you can do is own up to it, and take some responsibility for your actions and fill your husband in on what you've been up too.

So it hasn't stopped. No excuses. You choose to text, and you choose to meet up with him. I will say, this guy is willing to breach a friends trust, and you have absolutely no respect for the feelings of who you are with and apparently marriage means nothing to you. I bet it wouldn't be too long if you start a relationship with this "so called" friend that he'll be in bed with some other married women. This is real crappy behavior on both your sides. Do the right thing and allow your husband decide, stay with her, or seek a divorce.

Posted on 13 October 2007 @ 7:10 (London time) - permalink
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nitetimeromp, posted over a year ago

I have stopped seeing his friend, i havent seen him for at least 2 months, i called it quits and deleted his number from my phone.

I have tried talking to my husband and explaining to him excatly how i am feeling but he doesnt seem to want to resolve anything. I have suggested going to counciling to try and get him to talk to me but there is no interest and flexability from him. I have now moved back into my dads house hoping that this would make him see sense and that i was serious, but still no interest in talking, 5 weeks have gone past now :( I really desperatly want children but i guess it will never happen while i am with him. There is still no interest in me, no contact not even a hug when i have seen him.

I really dont know what else to try. I have taken so much advice from friends and family and tried to approach him in so many ways i am left feeling empty and lifeless.

Sorry i am only just replying to your email, i have only just been able to gain access to this website.

Hope you can help me further

Posted on 30 October 2007 @ 20:55 (London time) - permalink
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nitetimeromp, posted over a year ago

Its not down to the fact that i cant keep my clothes on, its getting the attention that i have greatly missed from my marriage. Do you know what it is like to feel completley repulsive to the opposite sex, because thats what he make me feel like by rejecting me time and time again.

Its not even about the sex, its about feeling wanted and loved. It makes you feel alive and not dead inside.

He has no problem paying other women complements but when it comes to me he seems to have some big issues. I see him looking at other women and he doesnt look at me in the same way. I think maybe if i lost weight or had a boob job or dyed my hair blonde like most of the women he looks at then he would fancy me more. All i want is for him to pay me the love and attention that i give to him. I feel that if i was a computer i would get more attention from him.

If you read the reply i have posted tonight also, you will probably get a little more information about the situation as it is now.

I have been away from the house now for over 5 weeks and not once has he asked me to sort the problems out or talk about coming home. I have suggested plenty of ideas and I have tried to explain how i am feeling but i get nothing but an emotionless shell staring back at me.

I know what i have done is wrong and i no i have violated my marriage and believe me, no one can punish me as much as myself. I want my husband to fall in love with me again and start treating me like his wife rather then his mother or slave.

Posted on 30 October 2007 @ 21:13 (London time) - permalink
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lemontree, posted over a year ago

Love, I feel very sorry for you. You clearly feel very un-loved (and believe me, I know that feeling), and un-desirable. I completely understand why you got involved with someone else, but I suspect from what you say, that you know this was a bad mistake. You say that your husband looks at other women. Has he had an affair, do you think?. I know this sounds silly, but if he hasn't ask yourself why. I mean if he really doesn't love you why isn't he looking elsewhere?. Could it be that he does still have feelings for you, but is dealing with issues he doesn't feel able to discuss with you. Whatever it is,everyone has the right to feel loved and wanted, and if your hubby really doesn't love you, you're going to have to move on. Because while an affair may take your mind off your unhappiness, the cause will remain. Good luck

Posted on 2 November 2007 @ 11:10 (London time) - permalink
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Nodrog2, posted over a year ago

Lemontree, that's the BEST message I've seen on this topic so far! Her affair was the result of her being rejected and unloved, so her husband should have been 'man' enough to accept his part in this - but he didn't, and simply made matters worse. You're absolutely right - EVERYONE has the right to feel loved and wanted. My guess is they've just 'burned themselves out'. She's still only 25, so a whole new life awaits her - and she's made that first big step, by moving out. Now she's gotta be really brave and move ON!

Posted on 2 November 2007 @ 23:16 (London time) - permalink
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rcn, posted over a year ago

I sounds like it's definitely time for a divorce.

When you do, it's time to spend some time alone. Don't just find someone else, or these same issues will pop back up. One thing I have found in relationships is you have to have a good relationship with yourself before you can expect to have one with someone else. It really sounds like you're not going to get his interest to change. There's a couple of sayings that work well for this "you can't push a rope" and "you can't kick a dead horse" Sometimes you have to realize, everything has been tried and it's just not going to change. I'd file and have him served.

Posted on 3 November 2007 @ 2:23 (London time) - permalink
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nitetimeromp, posted over a year ago

I would just like to say thankyou very much for all the advice you guys have given me. I have now completlewy left my home and i have filed for a divorce. Im very happy about this and i am looking forward to a brighter future.

Once again tghankyou very much xxx

Posted on 10 December 2007 @ 23:32 (London time) - permalink
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greeneyes, posted over a year ago

I am so afraid to leave? my husband wasn't as neglectful as yours but he is lacking major in the affection dept. If I hadn't said anything I'd still feel like he was. He's trying but I think it may be too late. HOW did you leave? I have two kids if It weren't for them I might be able to cut ties easier but. as of now. I'm just. torn.

Posted on 14 April 2009 @ 18:31 (London time) - permalink
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nitetimeromp, posted over a year ago

Im sorry it has taken me so long to rely as i have only jsut got my laptop working again.

I just left, i madde my mind up and decided to go. I pcked a small bag enough for a couple of days till i could get myself sorted and the went back for more things.

You have children which makes it far harder for you to make this decision, but in the long run it would/will be the best thing for you all.

As a child from a marriage who's mother stayed with her partner because of us, she had a terribly upsetting few years.

After making the split, it took a while but she stared gaining her life and confidenc back which refleted in the children.

Even if you think the children arent picking up on these signs, they will be. They notice far more then you think they do.

If you can keep a good relationship withn your husband for the childrens sake it would be best for you all.

Maybe you dont need to leave him. Maybe you both need some time apart to appreachiat each other and then intense time together without children, to talk about what you both want, need and feel.

Posted on 18 August 2009 @ 20:41 (London time) - permalink
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