Friends with benefits- survey

AuntyEm, posted over a year ago

After responding to yet another troubled soul wrestling with her emotions over a FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS situation, I pose this question.

I would seriously like to know from both MALE and FEMALE perspectives if anyone thinks that these kind of relationships ever lead to a true and loving committed relationship?

I am also curious to know what people expect to gain from these types of relationships and if the MALE and FEMALE view differs in any way?

It seems to me that(judging by the amount of queries on this site)men do not respect women who partake in this liason and that women foolishly believe it will lead to a full on commitment...I am open to have this view changed.

Tell me what you think.

Aunty Em xxx

Posted on 15 October 2009 @ 16:55 (London time) - permalink
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eyeswideopen, posted over a year ago

It's always the females who have the problems with FWB relationships so I guess I pretty much agree with your take on it. I'm sure there are those that work out just fine for both parties involved but it would take a rare female who can just enjoy the sex without wanting more.

Posted on 15 October 2009 @ 17:8 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

im not speaking from personal experience but it seems to me from the angst we get here that it would only work with two males if at all! We females always seem to get emotionally involved sooner or later...

Posted on 15 October 2009 @ 17:13 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

Until I came on this site a couple of years or so ago, I'd never heard the term 'Friends with Benefits' and I had to ask what it meant.

If I was a woman's friend with benefits I'd be wondering how many other friends she was benefitting from. I mean, the idea is that you call your FWB when you're bored and fancy a spot of horizontal dancing without clothes. What if I wasn't available? What then - get the toys out or go through the address book?

I've never been in this situation but I know I couldn't tolerate it, and as for a lasting relationship, I don't think it would happen.

Posted on 15 October 2009 @ 17:31 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

I think for both men and women there is an immediate transactional reward ranging from pure sexual pleasure to simple ego boost and then there are more complex issues like control, manipulation, reward systems and other more psychologically complicated motivations like boundary, self image and socioeconomic factors.

I think the problem for some women is that some meet many of their more complex relationship needs in FWB situations, all their communications and transactions with men are sexualized to some extent if they objectify themselves and if over time they perceive that they are not meeting their personal agenda in this type of rigid structure they are already locked in and it has a more adverse impact.

Posted on 15 October 2009 @ 18:37 (London time) - permalink
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AuntyEm, posted over a year ago

Exactly. Men would definitely question who else a gal was sleeping with as Phil said. It's always been acceptable for men to put themselves around a bit, but women who enter into sex so casually are always thought to be cheap or untrustworthy. It demostrates that there are still marked differences between men and women.

I also agree that women who seem to go into FWB situations always act like they are not bothered initially but then they always seem to revert back to trying to fulfil more complex needs as cherie said.

When the man does not reciprocate it is then that the woman experiences abandonment. It seems it is women who are most at fault by going into something that they will eventually want to change...it makes you wonder why?? Maybe perhaps it's because they always believe they can change a man!!!

I wonder if we shall ever see the end of FWB relationships?

Posted on 15 October 2009 @ 20:59 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

My little sister is the only success story I know about- this guy was chasing her for years and so she used him for sex for like 2 yrs (she was hung up on an ex) and he kept asking her to marry him and trying to get 'in' with my mom and me. Well, she finally caved and they've been married since 2003.

I think most women enter these relationships because they think the guy will change but it almost never happens! 99.9999% of the time it achieves the opposite.

Posted on 18 October 2009 @ 5:36 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

Every FWB relationship I have been in. Ones that went on for a long time. Were the product of a woman in a "committed relationship" and I was side action. Fine by me. As soon as something came up to break up the woman's primary relationship they immediately wanted more and it was over.

Posted on 18 October 2009 @ 5:44 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

I think the big problem is that a majority of women like the men they get into the FWB relationships with, but once they see the man isn't interested and they're in it for some action, they settle for an FWB relationship thinking that they're gonna change their mind down the route. Personally, an FWB is strictly that, i'm not looking for more, and there's only one FWB relationship at a time. I think if someone in the relationship is worrying about their partners other encounters, then the relationship is starting to turn into something more than FWB (unless what they're worrying about is an STD).

Truly, an FWB relationship is complicated and takes the proper two people to make it work, who are friends outside of the bedroom, but lovers in the sheets, and NOTHING more. It doesn't work for some people, but it does work for many. To me, it works. I usually find this partner after i've been in a relationship for awhile that has ended, and isn't looking for more than a good romp with an attractive male

Posted on 19 October 2009 @ 8:48 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

I think you have missed the point Aunty Emm. FWB's or F Buddys as i call them arent about commitment. That would take all the fun out of it. Its more about needs i think. Comfort sex is better than no sex.

Posted on 19 October 2009 @ 19:21 (London time) - permalink
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