 eddie, posted
over a year ago
Why do so many people bash the married man in a love triangle? It seems that people always use kid gloves when explaining to the "other woman" why she is being used and wasting her time. People need to hear the truth, in a tactful manner, about what they are involved in, as opposed to hearing that one party of the love triangle is more self serving than the other..
I think it is true that people who are involved in these relationships are giving in to the lure of having their basic human instincts fulfilled. While this is understandable, it's wrong, on both sides.
It's assumed that men are strictly interested in the sexual aspects of affairs. While I do think men are much more inclined to have random sex, this is not always the reason for an affair. Affairs are often started because of emotional neglect and lack of communication, leading to diminished sex. I recently saw a program that examined why many men cheat. The results showed that often, it was because they did not feel desired, valued etc at home. This makes sense and explains what leads them to temptation. It doesn't justify it but it helps us to understand the mechanics of how it unfolds.
At the same time women have their needs to be considered. What is it that leads a woman to a man who is married? Is it the concept that she can mother him and fix what is broken in his life? Is it pure attraction? Whatever it is, she knows she's doing something wrong. Her motives are no more justifiable than his.
He may be the one who is breaking the vows of marriage but the woman is breaking the rules of what is good and decent. The man's specific error is his betrayal of his wife, kids, extended family, friends and society as a whole. The woman participating in the affair is causing grief too. She is only removed from the betrayal by one step, that being marriage. She is fully aware that everything she is doing is to her benefit and at the cost of everyone else in the big picture. That is truly selfish behaviour.
In the end, it may be true that the marriage is off track and in the gutter. It is never appropriate though for the outsider in the love triangle to take the word of cheating spouse as justification to intrude on the marriage. Most people are wise enough to know that his side is jaundiced and his words represent his side only.
We are all weak and prone to make mistakes. People often try to make choices based on what is easy and convenient as opposed to what is appropriate. While I can feel compassion for the outsider in the love triangle, it is misguided compassion because they willlingly stuck their nose where it didn't belong.
Posted on 14 February 2009 @ 20:15 (London time) - permalink
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