Jealousy - good or bad?

PeterPan, posted over a year ago

In the last few days, it seems like I've been giving advise on jealousy in relationships... and it got me thinking about myself and if I ever showed/expressed any jealousy in any of my previous relationships... anything from minor puffs of smoke to all-out nuclear detonation.

For me in my past relationships, I have to say I've had those minor tweaks, but in my head, I usually rationalize it out before I outwardly express or show it. Those events were pretty minor (especially in comparison to some of the jealousy issues I've read here). I myself have never had a huge blast... it's almost like I refuse to be jealous and won't "stoop to that level".

Then I thought "is there actually a practical use for jealousy?" Is showing a little in a relationship good, bad or someplace in between? I'm pretty sure that showing a lot of jealousy isn't good/healthy thing, but I've never thought about if there was a "practical application" for it.

What do you all think? Is there a valid use for bringing out the jealousy in your significant other, or is it wasted time and energy?

Posted on 20 May 2008 @ 5:22 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

I personally have let jealousy eat into me in the past, and have learned to control it as i got older. It was much worse in my teens, twentys and gradually in the thirtys it got better, or i got better at handling it. It is very very destructive and can crumb the most lovely relationships. I have a hate of exs, not now from the jealousy factor, but because of the upmost bloody mayhem they can cause when there are kids on the scene. Most of them dont want the Husband/Wife until after the split and one of them has met someone else, and bang they want to be in their faces and part of their lives. If there are kids, then they have to be there i know, but boy do they make a meal of it!!! And that is when i hate to say it but pangs of jealousy do come into it and i have to look away when they are chatting, giving each other knowing looks etc, i just cannot stand that part of it. BUT, to answer your question, i do think it is a major waste of time and energy. If i could bottle the way i feel i would then throw it on the rubbish pile along with all other negative feelings.

take care

Posted on 20 May 2008 @ 9:26 (London time) - permalink
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BigSis, posted over a year ago

Jealousy....not good. It came between me and my ex-husband when we first started dating, and when we were well into our first couple of years of marriage.

He was so good looking and turned women's {and men's LOL!} heads wherever he went, instead of me feeling proud that he was all mine, I was mad with jealousy. But he knew he was attracting attention and loved it, and played on it by looking back at them.

He knew it upset me and flirted more. We used to row so much over it, and if I so much as talked to anyone he would go ballistic.

Eventually this led to his infidelity.

We divorced a few years later, then I met a guy who was 20 years older than me...he was insanely jealous of me...right up until we split 13 years later. By then I was about 36 and he was 56. I was accused of all sorts of things because he felt so insecure with me. I couldn't take his jealousy any longer.

So in my eyes, if the love, understanding openess and trust is there, then there's no need to feel jealous of your partner.

There should be no secrets either! They get found out sooner or later. As many other threads have arisen with regards to couples secretly watching porn, I believe you should share the fantasy, in many relationships it can be quite rewarding.

BigSis

xXx

Posted on 21 May 2008 @ 15:30 (London time) - permalink
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