My Jelousy is going to break us up!

Lanie_110, posted over a year ago

Hi,

Ok..i am a 27 yr old mom with a 5 yr old. I was married at the age of 22, to a man that cheated on me all the time. Before that i have always had a boyfriend cheat on me.

Well now i am in a relationship that has lasted four years, and he had me check his messages on facebook for something specific, and i snooped. ( yes wrong i know)

Well i saw that him and his buddy were writting back and forth, and the buddy was talking about females ( he is single) and then i saw that my boyfriend had put on there that he had a woman on the side for the past year.

Well, i freaked! He told me that he was only joking and that he wasnt cheating on me.

Well insecurities set in..and a part of me knew that he was telling the truth, and a part of me was scared that maybe he wasnt.

So i had left a message on facebook for this girl that he had mentioned ( which by the way, she had also added me as a friend a while ago) and she replied back to me that there was nothing going on, and that i had to believe him!!!.

I called him and was honest with him, and told him about the message that i had left her.

He said that he wasnt mad, but i know that he is upset, because i didnt trust him, which really..he should be.

I mean, i dont know why i didnt just trust him, thinking back on it, he is here all the time, and when he isnt he calls me to say goodnight or just to see how i am doing.

I am afraid that i really screwed this up, i dont know how to get over this jelousy and insecurities that i have.

And i am scared to death of losing someone that has never done anything to make me think that he is cheating.

Any advice?

Posted on 9 August 2007 @ 5:6 (London time) - permalink
(Log in to flag spam/offensive/junk messages to moderators)

REPLY TO MESSAGE or Start a new topic

jaxy angel, posted over a year ago

your not the only one ive been put on anti depressants coz of my jelousy it can get better but you have got to try so hard it was a night mare for me and now i only have occasional comments i am proud of myself but its hard work i was married he cheated, boyfriends have cheated we just go for the wa**ers!good luck and take care xx

Posted on 9 August 2007 @ 16:44 (London time) - permalink
(Log in to flag spam/offensive/junk messages to moderators)

REPLY TO MESSAGE or Start a new topic

helovesmeandtheyhateit, posted over a year ago

Listen to your "gut"... you know those butterfies in your stomach that seem to go wild in your tummy when something's not right... first off, did you have any suspicions in the last year? or is this just a one time thing that you happened to stumble upon as you were {doing what almost all women do, and it's okay} snooping? You know your man more than you think... sit back and reflect on his values, intentions and patterns... if you were only his friend, could you see him doing this to someone else? Does he have that type of personality?... the traits of a cheater? What are his intentions with you? Don't go by what he has said after the fact, but what he has done and shown you in the past three years... More than likely it was nothing and please do not feel bad for being a strong woman and confronting the situation steady-mined and head on. I admire that. Best Wishes to you from Me, a woman.

Posted on 9 August 2007 @ 16:51 (London time) - permalink
(Log in to flag spam/offensive/junk messages to moderators)

REPLY TO MESSAGE or Start a new topic

I only want to be happy, posted over a year ago

Hi. I feel exactly the same as you. I have started mistrusting my boyfriend recently. He has done nothing to me during our 10 month relationship. I have found out something that happened before he started seeing me and it is tearing me apart.

I also have small children and have also been cheated on and lied to in the past. My last boyfriend had narsisistic personality disorder and abused me badly.

I have started to look at my boyfriends phone. He tells me he loves me but I can't accept it. I know that he has stopped confiding in me about his forthcoming divorce because I get upset when he deals with his ex wife (she has anew partner also). I think I am sometimes going mad. I am on anti-depressants (which he hates me taking)and sometimes get very down and insecure.

Goodness I can go on all day.... Compared to what I put my partner through this is nothing! I know how you are feeling because I feel it too. Jealousy is like a rusty knife going through your heart and poisioning your blood. We don't want it to be there but we can't do anything about it.

I've struggled with it all my life. If you've found a way to deal with it please share it with me as I'm going to lose the best thing that has ever happened to me.

Posted on 14 August 2007 @ 12:59 (London time) - permalink
(Log in to flag spam/offensive/junk messages to moderators)

REPLY TO MESSAGE or Start a new topic

brokenstar, posted over a year ago

im waiting for my question on jealousy to be approved - im the same totally irrationally jealous - iv been let down alot in the past and have problems trusting people.

iv found out my bf is sending flirty emails to girls he used to date, im guedssing anyway from the context of the mails [he doesnt know i snooped too - bad i know] and i dont know what to do!

at least you know for sure and your bf is straight with you.

make sure he understands why you feel the way you do and let him know you need reassurance.

Posted on 17 September 2007 @ 19:52 (London time) - permalink
(Log in to flag spam/offensive/junk messages to moderators)

REPLY TO MESSAGE or Start a new topic

Lilli b, posted over a year ago

Often things happen to us in childhood or growing up and it sets our view of the world. We then look for (unconsciously) things, events and relationships that will reinforce our world view. If we decide that people are fundamentally untrustworthy then we will inevitably be drawn to have relationships with people who will reinforce that view. Your boyfriend is untrustworthy if he is sending flirty texts and he may be doing more. Frankly until you change how you see people he is exactly the type you will be attracted to.

You also need to change how you see yourself. Do you see yourself as someone who people will cheat or do you see yourself as a wonderful person who does not expect to be cheated on? Until you build your self-esteem you will always be jealous and whilst you don't trust and have low self esteem you will always choose partners to prove you right.

Asking for reassurance is fine -as a one-off but if you regularly need it then you are barking up the wrong tree. You are the person who can reassure yourself. Treat yourself to looking after you and building your self-esteem and then look for relationships to reinforce a new world view - that people are fundamentally trustworthy.

Posted on 18 September 2007 @ 8:30 (London time) - permalink
(Log in to flag spam/offensive/junk messages to moderators)

REPLY TO MESSAGE or Start a new topic

k1mmie, posted over a year ago

I agree - go with your gut instinct. Even if they deny it - they probably are up to something. I had this feeling after 20 years of marriage. He swore blind that there wasn't anyone. Then I found out he had been talking to another woman on facebook and some other sites and had met her once. I fought bloody hard to save my marriage and he knows he screwed up and has to regain my trust, but its only a month gone and i'm not sure I can stop the jealous feelings and the constant search through his phone and emails.

Posted on 12 March 2008 @ 10:15 (London time) - permalink
(Log in to flag spam/offensive/junk messages to moderators)

REPLY TO MESSAGE or Start a new topic

Add a new message to this topic