| , posted
over a year ago
Integrity is one thing, but lying to yourself about your feelings, mistaking emotional obligation for love is another. If he can live up to his responsibilities, great, that is the way to go, but staying with his wife pretending that guilt and emotional obligation is love is completely and utterly dishonest and insincere.
SACRIFICE as you have put it is obvious. A parent gives up a lot of his or her own freedom when they bring children into this world, BUT that doesn't mean that their emotions will stay fulfilled and satisfied with their partners forever. Some couples can, others can't. That is apparent in every single failed or failing or unhappy relationship in the world.
The unfortunate fact about marriage is that no matter if you are signed in and certified as husband and wife or husband and husband or wife and wife, the whole period of life from the second you were born all the way to your dying breath, is all trial and error. Like dating, like being in a relationship before even marriage, the whole being together with your boyfriend or your girlfriend is a trial and error.
Throughout your experiences, you find what works for you, what doesn't and what you can come to a compromise for. As with all varients of relationships, marriage is NOT excluded from this trial and error.
I have a relative who's husband is someone I wish had not met my aunt. My aunt is extremely unhappy, and over the years of verbal and emotional abuse, she has twisted her own idea of her husband. She believes that it is her duty to stay with him because he needs her.
My cousins, both of them, but especially the younger one calls our house almost every day. He would talk to my mom for 30 minutes to an hour, and sometimes he will talk to me about his thoughts, his dreams, and other not so important things. He tells me that though his dad buys a lot of toys for him and is the breadwinner of the family, he knows that he treats his mom like shit, and he knows that his dad is very immature, and spend thrifts like he has all the money in the world.
In fact, what really pisses me off is that he invited a woman to live with them for free, in the context that that woman will teach him Mandarin. My aunt is torn. She was crying on the phone. Hell, she cries on the phone a lot. I can't quite count, but it seems like over the last 20 years, she's cried quite a few times.
Anyway the 'moral' of this story is that, as much as it is ideal to force a married couple together, you think that the illusion of them being together not in love with each other will never make it to their children?
My cousin know, they've known for a long time. The older one moved away from all that mess. She couldn't take it any more. She cares deeply for her mom, but she recognizes that her mom can't take care of herself, because the dad controls her life, every aspect of it.
Good years? Memories? YES, if everyone's first ever partner was the one for them, then sure, an utopia of love and 'integrity' will be great for humanity. Alas, it isn't so.
If that logic held, then that means if you were stuck at a dead end job, you should still make the most of it, regardless of how you truly feel.
YES, you can argue that it's different in a marriage - sacrifice, responsibility, consideration, care, welfare, etc. However, you cannot mask your own feelings with what love is supposed to be.
YES, like I said in my previous post which you unwittingly did not read and understand anything, he has to take responsibility for his kids REGARDLESS of his choices, but he cannot live being with his wife on the context of false love.
And I'm not surprised that you attacked me personally with your last line. Since supposedly I don't know anything about marriage and especially family. [golfclaps]
Posted on 11 November 2007 @ 8:33 (London time) - permalink
(Log in to flag spam/offensive/junk messages to moderators)
|
charli 1603, posted
over a year ago