I'm in love with three different guys, what do i do?

This is kinda a long story, but i will try to shorten it the best i can. At age 14 I waas best friends with a guy named Ray, we did everything together, no sex though. At 17 I got a boyfiend and Ray went off to the army. Me and my boyfriend got engaged moved intogether and had two children. Our relationship lasted 7 years, but I was just never really happy cause we were just two different people, but I guess it was just good enough because it was secure and he really wasnt a bad guy. So anyway at the end i could not take it anymore and i left, he was devestated.Crazy enough about 2 months later Ray came home from the army, now mind you though we stayed in contact a little with letters on and off this is the first I had seen him for 5 years. It was like he never left he was there for me to listen to me cry and just be a friend. in no time we became more, we just left are feelings go, it was great except that my ex Lynn has hated him forever and he really made my life hell, with my kids, him going to kill himself, talking about me it was awful and as weak as I already was I couldnt take it so i left Ray go. It wasnt fair to him I wouldnt even go out in public with him because I didnt want anybody to think bad about me because Lynn and I had just seperated 3 months ago but the unhapppiness had been much longer. So anyway I left Ray go it killed me. About 6 months after all of this i meant another guy,seemed very stable, secure and so much fun. After 6 months with him things became a bit violent so I left.I couldnt believe it he was six years older then me but my ex got along with him he was great with my kids and he seemed like Mr. Perfect, with the exception that he is jealous as hell. Anyway I left two weeks later Im out with my my drowning my sorrows and guess who I run into Ray, now mind you i had not seen him in many months os again we hit it off like we were never apart, but then the ex Lynn finds out and starts making life hell my kids are used to Earl now and everything is to twisted so it was only two weeks that Ray and I talked and then I just up one day and decided not to talk to him anymore cause it was to hard. So a little while later I decide to give Earl another chance he promises me that things will be different. It is a year later a total of us being toget for 2 years off and on and we are engaged, he is still very jealous and has went to counseling 4 times but 3 other violent episodes have happened not terrible, but pulling my hair, throwing my against the wall stuff like that, but he is mostly a great guy and my kids love him but it is to hard for me to picture forever cause im alwas afraid of the next thing that will make him mad because he is very moody all the time.Now me and my ex Lynn get along great, he has moved on and he is good with me being with Earl, and now it hurts because Im in a relationship now like I was with him not bad just not happy and I took my kids out of a home with there dad. I want to cry everyday that I have to face him. And still to this day all I think about is what might have been with Ray, it's like he is my soul mate in life and fate had tried to bring us together several times yet I was to weak to truly make any of the times work. i am looking for advice do I continue on where i'm at so i dont take my kids out of a home that they are now use to or do I take the chance of finding a real happiness? But maybe it wouldnt be any better, im so confused.

Posted on 7 April 2006 @ 16:4 (London time) - permalink
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IF i was in your shoes, I'd leave earl.. Your relationship with him does not sound promising. You need to talk to your ex and explain this to him. You have every right to be happy and if he really cared about you, he'd let you be happy. You should try to go after Ray if that's going to make you happy. Try to find out why he has a problem with Ray? My guess is that he problaly felt throughout your relationship that Ray would eventually break you guys up.. But you need to go with what you are happy with.. and not what your ex thinks.

Posted on 8 April 2006 @ 19:21 (London time) - permalink
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Earl definitely doesn't sound like the right guy for you, and I'd be really concerned about my kids being brought up with a man with violent tendencies, so I would think that your main priority should be trying to find a way to amicably end things with Earl so that you and your children aren't in danger. Ultimately, the best thing for now would probably be some time spent being single. If Lynn has a jealousy problem when it comes to Ray, it will probably cause waves to bring Ray back into your life so soon after things ending with Earl, a man that Lynn approved of. But hopefully, somewhere down the line, once Lynn has accepted that Earl wasn't the man for you, you can try and get in touch with Ray again and find out if he is still willing to give things another try with you and you can gently explain to Lynn that the time feels right for you and Ray to be together again. He will probably accept Ray much more easily if Earl hasn't been on the scene for quite some time and you've spent some time being single, so that Lynn is also clear that he's not a man you want to be in a relationship with even if there isn't another man in your life.

Posted on 9 April 2006 @ 11:3 (London time) - permalink
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Sorry it took me so long to reply back, I have been working some really crazy shifts. Anyway, Thank you for your advice. It still lays in the back of my head how I can justify taking my kids out of a home that they have now gotten use to? Earl is wonderful with I mean he is better at times with them then their own dad. And its not like we ever, ever fight around the kids nor do we really ever even fight that often just the few time that we had, will always linger in my head. I just wonder why I cant let it go and just see that in time things truly have changed. Yet, I guess I know somewhere in my heart that despite the fact that I love him in a way but not in the way that I ever felt about Ray. But Is Ray just an obsession with me at this point because despite the fact that I feel that fate always brings us back together, I would be a strong enough person not to care what other people say. My ex Lynn hates him cause well just for the simple fact theat we have been friends forever and then after I broke things off with him I started dating Ray. Trust me way to soon I realize this now but I was so damn weak, alone and just felt like that was the way to go. Though I ended up hurting everyone and getting myself into another situation, that I'm just content in, no head over hills in. At this point though I'm so afraid to be alone and to think that if I do take the chance of leaving my current situation will I ever get that chance with Ray after I have hurt him so much? At least I'm not alone right now and its not like things are that bad,that feeling just isnt there. That was damaged along time ago, no matter how great Earl is now or well has been, why can't i just get those feelings if i truly ever had them.

Posted on 17 April 2006 @ 19:39 (London time) - permalink
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