| adamant, posted
over a year ago
Worrisome Entanglements?
Posted: 04-29-07 9:54am
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This one is long, but my ultimate question after I have described the following relationship is, what's the chance of this actually succeeding and, if not, how longcan such relationships last?
I have a 22 y/o guy friend who has been in a long-distance relationship for about 1.5 years. The girl he is seeing, he met when they were both 16 at some kind of career fair. At that time, they dated for about a year, but he apparently broke things off with her to go to college, which apparently left her in bad enough shape that she chose a college 1,000 miles away. They both were apart for about 3 years dated around and may have had a couple of 6-12 month relationships. About 1.5 years ago, they became reacquainted and have been seeing each other one weekend a month or so. They feel that they have experienced enough relationships to know that they were meant for each other. She just turned 22.
But there are signs that bother me. He graduated a year ago and will be starting a graduate program. She is graduating from college this year and has decided that she would rather not lose him by pursuing further education at a really reputable institution so she has essentially accepted a graduate position at his same school and will also be moving in with him and likely sharing classes with him (or lunch, at the very least.) since I have known them, they have argued numerous times. She put up serious objections to his going on a long weekend back to his old college with a friend. He in the past tried to make her promise not to have more than one drink if she were to go out to bars with friends. He has complained in the past that she is immature and at times insensitive. He once admitted that his experience in prior relationships is limited, but the story changes often. They came "this close" (as he put it) to breaking up about one month prior to her graduation because of her perceived lack of empathy during a personal crisis of his. During that time he spent 3-4 hours on the phone with girl who also lives out of state but who he had considered dating at one time years earlier. (He has since not talked to her.) He has admitted that they are both possessive.
When I bring up the issue of him never really having been around her often enough to risk living together so soon after she returns, he states that they spent "12 days at her dorm once" and that they didn't run into conflict. She has actually admitted to me(but not to him) via ims that her parents "do not love the relationship." I have never even met her in person! I warned him of this and he stated that after talking with her, she said that her father didn't care and her mother simply didn't believe they should be "a devoted couple" at that age, but she has nothing against him. He seems to be ok with that, since her parents "don't seem to approve of anythingshe does anyway." meanwhile, he has been going through a rough time because his father has been cheating on his mother and they may likely separate. I don't know, but this relationship just seems precarious, but maybe I am overreacting. Scroll up to paragraph one and reread my question! Since he does complain to me about his relationship every so often, I'm not sure what advice to give him unless I know whether this relationship is in bad enough shape that it should be allowed to "run its course." I don't like giving advice at all, in fact.
Posted on 30 April 2007 @ 0:32 (London time) - permalink
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sexylinz, posted
over a year ago