| Heartbroken23, posted
over a year ago
I wonder can anybody help me out there. I am 26 years of age and my boyfriend is 33. We have been going out for 2 and a half years. He has a 9 year old daughter with an ex. The ex is pretty much ok, she doesn't affect our lives in any way bad at all. I suppose she doesn't really need to because the way things are set up is that it is week on/week off with the arrangement when they have her so they dont need too much correspondence.
However the issue I have is for some reason I am bothered by this child. Dont get me wrong, sometimes things are great and I have fun with her and I do nice things with her and for her. And everything is great.
But there are other times where I just wish that my boyfriend didnt have a child. I just wish that she would just go away. I know this sounds absolutely awful but I cant help the way I feel.
Things can be great;my boyfriend, me and her can be all sitting around together and all of a sudden she'll come out and say something like 'Remember Dad when I was little and you and Mum would bring me there'. All of a sudden I get this cold chill down my back. This feeling that I just wish the ground would open and swallow me up. I dont want to hear about my boyfriend with the EX. No girlfriend does, surely?
Dont get me wrong. She is just a child and she has every right to talk about her family etc but it kills me inside. It hurts me so bad that it hurts me for hours, maybe even days.
Then we go through the cycle all over again. I think things are fine and that I can get through this and life is easy and then crash again - the most simplest little thing sets it off again. My boyfriend and I have spoken about engagement, thats how crazy inlove I am with him but I just really question - why is this happening me? Am I really not able for it or will the feelings go away?
He knows how I feel, not to the extent that I do. But he knows that I find it hard because every girl dreams of their Prince Charming having THEIR baby, having a FAMILY together - not having to include an EX in your life. (Even though she's not too bad of an ex - but still).
I want these feelings to go away. I dont want to lose this relationship because of these feelings that keep cropping up. Has anyone got any good advice or suggestions or tips or anything that can set me straight?
I know it is so wrong of me to have these bad feelings about her, and to wish her away or to wish that she never existed in my boyfriends life - I know all those things. Thats what makes me even more sad about the whole story. Because I dont like thinking bad thoughts about anything or anyone.
I suppose deep down I just want some comfort in knowing that my relationship will be ok, that I'll grow out of these nasty feelings that keep coming up, that it is in some way natural or normal to feel this way.
Can somebody please make me smile again? Please? x
Posted on 20 March 2007 @ 20:49 (London time) - permalink
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dragonette, posted
over a year ago