Please help me.. am I in trouble?

recca4001, posted over a year ago

I am 21 years old and I am in a relationship with one of the most beautiful girl i've ever met. She is 19 and though we only met online so far, we are planning to meet up in person for the first time in a few weeks. She is quite a tomboy and shy, she cant express her feelings very well and she is quite innocent (and pure).

Now just the other night we were talking about stuff and suddenly physical attraction came up. She saw how I looked (not naked of course) and she said that I was only physically attractive from chest up. Now I know I am not the most attractive guy in the world. I dont have abs, I have a ring of fat around my waist and I have a big butt. Lets just say I am not too physically active either.

They say love is blind. Once you fall in love with someone, sometimes, it doesnt matter if the person is fat or thin or ugly. You love them for who they are... but does that include physical attraction? She said that she is worried she would find other guys more attractive. I got worried and asked her a whole bunch of questions and we finally concluded that she would never cheat on me but she just doesnt want to find other men more attractive than me.

Of course I will start exercising. I will try doing my best but.. am I still in trouble? My heart aches, I dont know why but Im worried she will leave me. She said she can find others attractive but it doesnt mean she will fall in love with them. But im still worried.

Anyone have any comments?

Posted on 22 July 2006 @ 20:55 (London time) - permalink
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chazx, posted over a year ago

hello well i think that if you are this worried maybe you need to speak to her again and say how you feel explain you dont wanna lose her and that you are trying by exercising and see what she says (go with ya heart)

Posted on 23 July 2006 @ 23:7 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

Attraction like you mentioned is an initial thing - mainly lust and desire on a surface level, which over time can become internal. It is possible to love someone but find someone else more attractive, but you have to consider this first - what is more attractive? Physique? Mind? Sports? Hobbies? Manliness?

Let's look at this objectively, let's say I am utterly head over heels in love with someone right now. She is everything to me. I worship and adore her, etc, etc, etc... HOWEVER, I am not blind nor deaf, nor numb to everything else. I still have all, if not, most of my senses that make up the tools that allow me to feel emotions. There will always - ALWAYS be other women out there who possibly may catch my eyes, possibly even get turned-on. I will admire their physical beauty, and so on and so forth. HOWEVER, my love for my companion possibly incorporates almost everything, thus the translation of internal connective measures are absolutely and utterly different than say admiration for a foreign individual.

In other words, she is a masterpiece, where as all the other 'attractive' women are simply works of art. Understand? [wink]

Posted on 24 July 2006 @ 3:22 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

I find it hard to believe that you feel comfortable saying you are in a relationship with "one of the most beautiful girls" you've ever met when you haven't even MET this girl!

You say is quite innocent and pure. What do you actually mean by this? You mean by her looks?

For a "couple" who are in a so-called "relationship" and for a "shy" "innocent" "pure" "most beautifil" girl to criticise you for saying you're only physically attractive from the chest up (meaning only your face is attractive) should, really, be a massive warning for you.

Would *you* seriously say that to a girl you just started "dating"? Do you think they would take your comment on board and run off to the gym to change and please you? Of course not - they'd probably give you a piece of their mind and never see you again. If you have any self-respect or dignity I suggest you do the same. I mean, jeez, arn't you feeling even a little inferior or worried that she said she is worried she would find other guys more attractive? Maybe this is your first relationship; so let me tell you - these are not the kind of things that you hear from normal, relationship-material people! Listen to that gut feeling of yours!

Maybe you don't agree with me, but please, at least - meet up with this girl, properly, face-to-face, before even contemplating using the words "girlfriend" and "relationship"

Posted on 24 July 2006 @ 11:2 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

Excellent words as usual Dr. Pete. You know? I'm a fool for not reading the thread properly. I thought the poster said he was 31 for some reason... [sigh]

Posted on 24 July 2006 @ 11:56 (London time) - permalink
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