He thinks this is ok

dorkingboys, posted over a year ago

We aren't married yet- but have 2 children and our 3rd is on the way! However, recently I've found out that his 'friendly' conversations with an ex have crossed the line. I confronted him about this- and was ready to end the relationship over it (he lied one time before to me when we were first dating and I told him "once is a mistake, twice is a habit") but he claimed he was only writing those messages to her because he knew I was checking his emails and was mad/wanted to get back at me. For whatever reason I believed it. I've gone weeks without checking his emails and wanted to believe things were going better- but then he hasn't wanted to have sex lately or anything so it kind of through up a red flag and I checked the email account again. He had written to her after I confronted him the first time and told her I was reading the emails and how he was only telling her that crap to get back at me etc... but then said he would just need to make a different email to talk to her... She emailed him back and said ok etc.. but then he said he didnt need to make another email because he knew i wasn't checking it anymore. Well once again their emails crossed the line- Mostly their emails talking about how she wants to be with him and cant stop having fantasies about him (she is married with kids also) when she is at work (thats when she emails him) and etc etc... and he makes comments back about how our sex life is crappy (only because i know he's thinking about her when we're having sex! [he told her in an email] So obviously i dont want to have a sex life with him) and how he wishes his head was between her legs etc etc... So now I don't know what to do. He thinks because they live in different states and that when he goes back 'home' to see his family etc that I will be with him etc.. that he wont cheat and nothing will ever happen etc... so he doesn't see what my problem is and he's just mad I check his emails! I see it differently though- and consider his emails with her a form of cheating. I'm not convinced they havent talked on the phone (i was out of town last weekend with the kids and he made a comment in an email that made me think they had chatted).. this girl is very out there and not afraid to let him know she is psychoo crazy horny for him... It bothers me that she would want to be so in his face and incistent about her feelings towards him- knowing he's in a relationship with our 3rd child on the way! Also- when I confronted him the first time he made a comment about how he didnt get how all the sudden I was getting so mad- because I was in her position when he was with his ex wife and didn't care then! (which is total BS- as far as I knew and from what he told me they were FINISHED and not together etc.. if i knew he was feeding her BS and ME BS nothing would have ever happened!!!!!!!!!!!)

What the heck do I do?

Posted on 10 September 2008 @ 16:20 (London time) - permalink
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peaches83, posted over a year ago

Wow, To me it is a form of cheating too and i would feel exactly like you do. However what i would do and what you would do could be two different things. I know you have three kids too him so it may be hard but honestly i would email the girl telling her that she can have him, you dont need a man in your life that makes you feel so bad. It cant be healthy for you, your unborn child or for the children. They may not see the arguments etc but they will be able to sense that soemthingis wrong. You need to ask yourself how long can you actually put up with this? Do you wait till you are both constantly arguing and you become ill from it or nip it in the bud now and hit it where it hurts.

Its obvious that he isnt doing it to wind you up buecasue hes not shoving it in your face, hes not making it obvious that he is emailing her etc.

I hope you can be strong and do whats right for you.

Good luck

Peaches

Posted on 14 September 2008 @ 15:13 (London time) - permalink
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Gingirl, posted over a year ago

Couples don't get back at each other, bottom line! You don't try to get back at someone you love. You should trust him to have an email that you don't read. You don't trust him. Relationships are based on trust. If there is no trust there is no relationship. Yes, it is understood that you have children but you can't stay together for them. It would make matters worse. They children may think it's okay how you treat each other. and as far as I can see, you're not treating each other with respect. He shouldn't be talking to his ex out your sex life, not matter how it is. It's your private life....

Posted on 8 October 2008 @ 15:24 (London time) - permalink
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MichelleB, posted over a year ago

Exactly. Once that trusted is breached it either never comes back together or hardly at all.

Posted on 20 October 2008 @ 23:53 (London time) - permalink
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MichelleB, posted over a year ago

that sounds like cheating to me

Posted on 21 October 2008 @ 20:16 (London time) - permalink
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Honeypie, posted over a year ago

What he is doing is called deflection. He's blaming you for his own idiotic actions. Basically saying it's YOUR own fault he's taking dirty to her. He can't seem to own his own crap.

My question to you is, what do you WANT to do? You know it's not magically going to stop. So take some time and think of yourself and the kids and ask yourself if this is how you want to live.

He's having an emotional affair with that woman, who is a greedy bitch. She married but wants your man too.

Stop checking his e-mail. You know what is going on. Reading more shit between them isn't going to help your sanity, self esteem or relationship. You shouldn't have to snoop, you already know.

It's NOT your fault that he is cheating. That is all on him, you didn't put a gun to his head and say hun, cheat. Screw her, she isn't important. YOU are. The e-mails between them aren't important either. You know what is going on so it's up to you to figure out what you want to do about it.

He isn't going to stop. Whatever you say to him , he will deflect it back to you. Because it worked for him the first time.

He has no respect for you what so ever.

If you plan on leaving him, I suggest you get all your ducks in a row. Squirrel away some money make sure you have all the important documents for you and your kids etc. Then when you are good and ready either move out or kick his sorry ass to the curb & change the locks.

Posted on 26 December 2008 @ 3:55 (London time) - permalink
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