I need help, BADLY

seanholt, posted over a year ago

Well, to start things off... my wife and I have been together for 8 years, married for 6. We have 3 beautiful daughters together, although I consider the 4th child mine also (wifes daughter from her previous abusive marriage).

I've always had issues with sharing my feelings and letting things build up inside, so when things got too much i'd get depressed and crawl into a shell and do almost nothing. My wife got sick of this and ended up saying we needed a break. We were supposed to move to Florida with the kids (from Rhode Island), and 2 days before leaving she informed me she wasn't coming. I bought the house, had work all setup, and all that so I continued on anyways.

Now, I have tried everything to work things out with her... I've fought so hard I barely have any energy left. She says she needs space and I am trying so hard to give it to her, but no matter how hard I try I end messing up again.

She will not, under any circumstances, talk about our problems or try to deal with them. All she wants to do is ignore them. We can never move forward if she won't talk about these things.

What can I do? I am willing to do anything I have to, I love those woman more than life itself.

Please help!

Posted on 19 December 2007 @ 13:53 (London time) - permalink
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ButterflyKisses, posted over a year ago

I'm so sorry to hear of your relationship struggles. I would start by focusing on the positive things. First, you recognize the issues that you need to work on (i.e. sharing feelings, letting things build up, etc.). This is a serious accomplishment. Take this time to work on your own issues.

Second, you have four children. Allow your wife to see a new you through your interactions with your children. I say this because your wife is asking for space. Please, give it to her. If you invade her space when she needs it, it will only push her further away.

She may or may not come back, but you need to gain some confidence in yourself and your ability to communicate and working through depression (you may need to seek professional guidance for depression, and there is never shame in seeking help).

The other thing I would suggest is maintaining a little ambiguity about yourself and your life. I wouldn't share too many details of your life with her right now. It may come across as desparation (i.e. "I'm working on sharing my feelings...I'm doing this and doing that and blah...blah blah...". If you make a change, you won't need to verbalize it - she'll see it for herself.

I hope you take care of yourself and use this time and an oppoturnity to invest in yourself.

Posted on 15 January 2008 @ 4:11 (London time) - permalink
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