Heartbroken

bellagirl20, posted over a year ago

A little background about me. I am in a relationship with a man and have been for 7 years. I am not very happy with my current relationship and the recent events in my life have actually made me realize how unhappy I actually am. I am in my early 40s. I have a great job, I'm attractive, good figure and very outgoing but by no means do I mean that in a conceited way. I'm proud of who I am and I like to take care of myself.

What happened is I recently connected with an old friend from Grade 5 on FaceBook. We are both now in our 40s. We chatted and realized we lived very close to each other so we met one night for a drink. It was an amazing 2 hours talking about the good old days and our old friends and our families. We then hooked up with each other on Messenger and chatted almost every night. This was his idea by the way. We talked about everything, our lives, our divorces, our children, our familes... everything! It was great. He even said it was fate that brought us together again. We then met again the following week and I spent the night at his home. We had such a good time, talking and joking, looking at old pictures and just holding each other, it was wonderful. He even told me the next morning he didn't want me to leave. The next week we continued to chat every night by Messenger and then we planned an afternoon at his house wherein we of course engaged in sex. It was fantastic! We were both very excited and our hearts were racing. He said he hadn't been with someone in a year and a half and that he was waiting for someone special. Which I thought was me. We then departed with a wonderful feeling of excitement over the next time we would be able to see each other. He said wonderful things to me... that I was beautiful, that I smelled awesome and that he would hug my pillow after I had gone so he could still smell me... we seemed to really hit if off. Then the Sunday after I saw him... he called me and told me he couldn't do it anymore. He said he couldn't be with someone who was married. That it wasn't right. I pleaded with him and told him that we aren't married and I told him I wasn't happy and that I was planning on leaving my current situation. He then said he didn't want me to leave my commonlaw spouse for him because he really didn't want a girlfriend!?

I was heartbroken! I contacted him the next day to talk but he didn't answer. He then e-mailed me and said we could meet for a drink because he felt so bad for hurting me. He wanted to talk face to face. We agreed to meet the following Friday night but when I called to confirm where, he had left me a message on his answering saying that he had gone out with his buddy and wouldn't be able to meet me!!! I was heartbroken again... That was almost 3 weeks ago and he hasn't contacted me since.

I am still devastated. I can't get him out of my mind. I really thought we had something special and that it was fate that brought us together after 33 years!

I so badly want to contact him but I've already sent him two messages by Messenger when I saw he was on-line but he didn't respond.

By the way, I am leaving my commonlaw spouse. We haven't been getting along for the past 2 years... it is a sexless and pointless relationship and I think more of the loss of this new love than I do him. I can't cheat and stay with him. My heart isn't in it anymore.

I'm too old to feel this way... HELP!

I'm still so hurt over the loss of this guy. Any suggestions would be helpful!

Thank you.

Posted on 4 November 2009 @ 4:32 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

wow! Didn't the dude know that you were with this person, before you guys hooked up? I think that he was only using you for sex... all that crap about waiting for someone special etc. And then blowing you off like that! Seriously, I want to give him a kick so hard (you know where) that he will think a hundred times before mouthing such empty speeches to a girl ever again. Chalk him up as a learning experience, because he is not coming back. This man is a player. If he cared so much about you, then he should have pressured you into breaking up with your commonlaw spouse before you guys engaged in sex. Of course, it is very easy for me to say that since I am not in your shoes... but I did date a guy like that.. only something prevented me from taking him seriously ( I think it was divine intervention).. well that guy has been married six times in the past four years... tells us something, no?

Forget about this all talk and no action dude. What a jerk. And remember, it is very easy to offer those cliches to women... and we do fall for them. But, from next time remember what a guy says or means is nothing compared to what he does! Actions speak louder than words. Especially for men. And, since you are going to be in the dating game... Before you let a man into your heart... always think "Could he have done more to make this better for me, for us?" Like if he calls you, when he could very easily have met you... stop and question his level of sincerity and interest...

It is so easy to get hurt in love... and there aren't any fool-proof methods... but we have a right to protect ourselves... and the duty to never hurt the other...

Best of Luck (and forget about this guy).

Love :)

Posted on 4 November 2009 @ 7:49 (London time) - permalink
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bellagirl20, posted over a year ago

Thanks for your input Katyayni. Of course he knew I was in a relationship when we hooked up. I told him right from the get go that I wasn't happy and things escalated from there. I'm not proud that I cheated on my "commonlaw" spouse, but it happened. I fell for it, hook, line and sinker with the new guy. I'm angry with myself that I slept with him as I should have known better.

Oh well, I guess you are right and I should just chalk him up as another "learning experience". I'm tired of learning. I want a sincere guy. The guy I have been with for 7 years won't commit to me and I'm tired of waiting. We live together with my 10 year old son in a house that he owns. I've decorated this place beautifully. I pay "rent" so to speak, buy the groceries, clean the house, do the laundry, cook the meals and frankly I'm tired of it. I've put so much into that home and at the end of the day, his mother is still his beneficiary! I've brought it up many times and it has never changed. I always thought he would marry me and he hasn't. Now, I don't even want to get married. Obviously I've just built up resentment. I don't feel guilty that I cheated but it's time to move on. I want someone who wants me in their life. Your are right, actions speak more than words!

I've committed to my own place for January 1, 2010 and I'm actually excited. I'm looking forward to being alone, just me and my little boy. I will keep my head held high and look forward to a bright future! Thanks again.

Posted on 4 November 2009 @ 15:54 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

I totally feel you. And wonder at times whether there is any man out there willing to give himself to a relationship like a woman does. Oh yes, they will all mouth the lines or even show up and care and just be wonderful initially, but once they know that they have a woman committed or at least emotionally committed, they simply leave the whole caring thing to us. And, yes, most of the "adjustments" are made by the woman!

I want to know when this will stop? When will we get our share? And the fact that we women are wired to be naturally caring and nurturing, are more likely to be susceptible to the mind games and seduction strategy, are more likely to be judged and have a much harder time finding suitable men as we age does nothing to help us!

I guess I am whining... and in my heart I know that good men do exist... but really, right now, I am having a bad moment...

Like you L. I too am tired of having these "learning" experiences.

But, I am glad that you finally will have your own place... live it up honey. All my love and blessings... And as you must have noticed I have, rather recklessly, started a whine. So feel free to join and vent...

Please do not judge us.. we are mere women, having a bad day/time/ year/...

Lots of Love ;)

Posted on 4 November 2009 @ 16:18 (London time) - permalink
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