 LonelyButNotAlone, posted
over a year ago
I was really hoping that I wouldn't be posting on this board, but it's over between me and my girlfriend.
Talking didn't help or change anything. She just didn't feel that she loved me. Now, I've gotta start over.
First thing, I don't wanna live in the same apartment any longer than I have to so I'm going to see if I can find my own place. This will allow me to not have to see her, talk to her, etc. This will also be more convenient for me as I've had to commute 45 minutes to work every morning from where I am now. Basically, both my job and the college I'm attending are a bit of a drive from where I live right now.
I need to make sure we get separate cell phone plans. This I can take care of before I leave.
We also need to divide up the things we purchased together and one of us will pay the other person's half. Certain things like glasses and such can easily be split up. She sounds like she's willing to let me buy off anything that I want with the exception of a few small things, none of which I mind letting go of.
I guess things could be worse... we could be hating each other, it could be bitter, we could be married and have to go through legal counsel. But it's still hard to be optimistic.
I can't get past the fact that I don't know why she doesn't love me. I've been everything I can to her. I feel very insecure... like it might be that she just was never "attracted" to me, like maybe she was just settling for me because she was lonely. I don't have a lot of luck to begin with when it comes to women... I'm 25 but I look like I'm 18... I don't have the dark/rugged features that women like men to have... I'm very pale. I have some nice clothes, but I don't have the money to dress very stylishly.
Ugh, I'm getting off track. I need to get away from her before I can even start thinking about how to find love.
This is just really hard. We've been through so much together and we've had some really wonderful times... I could understand if she just no longer cared about me... the spark died or something... but to say after all this time that she's never really loved me?
I feel sick. I don't want to do anything but go to school, go to work... keep myself busy with something difficulty, menial, and unenjoyable.
And I wish I had people to talk to. I mean, I have my parents and my brother... but they're pretty much all I've ever had. I haven't had friends since high-school. I've got no one to confide in but the people on this board... and forgive me for saying so, but that's a cold comfort.
I don't know. I just know that I'll never move in with somebody ever again unless I'm sure that there's love. I just hope I find someone and can put myself through it all again... all the stress, discomfort. Aren't I pathetic? I'm only 25 and I'm already talking like I'll never find love.
I just feel low. I don't know how I'm going to manage at work and school.
Posted on 25 August 2008 @ 2:18 (London time) - permalink
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