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Dear Cupid > Forums > Site Feedback > Anonymous Posting

Anonymous Posting

, posted over a year ago

As the site becomes ever more popular I think it ought to be a pre-requisite to remove the anonymous replies to questions posted - they serve little purpose and just allow the poster to hide behind a screen and say whatever they want; whether good or bad.

The original poster should be the only one allowed to post anonymously...

Steve

Posted on 18 August 2009 @ 13:33 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

I totally agree with this. I believe that some members post anon when they want to say something that might lower their ratings. I have never done that. If people don't like what I say then so be it. It would be helpful to know who posts, as that tells us how their answer relates to their thoughts in general. If a certain person always gives the same answer no matter what the problem is then knowing who that individual is would make it easier to ascertain the validity of the answer.

I guess one reason to allow anon answers is that there are some good ones from anon people who might not want to sign up. This is the only board that I belong to that allows non-members and anon people to post. I see an advantage to only allowing members to post.

The other thing is that if a member chooses to post a question anonymously that really hinders them getting good answers. Knowing who the individual is helps those who know him or her to give the best answer.

Posted on 18 August 2009 @ 15:15 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

I answered anon before because i included information about my past that i don't want everyone to know.

Posted on 18 August 2009 @ 16:39 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

im not one of those people.i say what i mean.iam open minded, honest and iam not afraid of bad responses or ratings.at least most like my answers and send pm's for more advice lol.with regards to anon posting i think it should remain on dc as some may be plain shy or embarressed.

Posted on 18 August 2009 @ 17:13 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

As far as embarrassment or shyness goes...let's face it, many of the Aunts /Uncles are anon anyways, as many have made up 'usernames' and avatars which are not photos of them. As we all know, the internet is a place where you can write, post, have usernames and post avatars without anyone ever knowing who the heck you really are. I think a lot of people post anon, to avoid less than admirable ratings and state some less than commendable answers to the OP. I agree with TTM. If you want to partake in the site, have a profile with a username.

Posted on 18 August 2009 @ 17:25 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

you do have a good point irish49 i must say. indeed after all ive stumbled across shocking(rude,nasty etc) anon answers to harmless questions.

Posted on 18 August 2009 @ 17:52 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

I'm sitting on the fence with this one, you all make good points as to why there shouldn't/should be anon answers. One thing that pops to mind is, if changed were made for there not to be anon answers, wouldn't this change or affect the anonymous questions? After all, it would only be fair for that to change too.

Posted on 18 August 2009 @ 18:3 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

changes*

Posted on 18 August 2009 @ 18:3 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

Yes, as registered users, it puts the accountability on the individual user for how they relate to others on DearCupid. Not hiding behind a cowardly 'anonymous' mask, so to speak. And if an individual is asked to register with an acct username/email to site admin (like we all have graciously done), then those 'bad anon users, may feel more 'exposed' and not bother with the site. We could lose a fewpotential good folks, but usually those people will feel they have good things to offer and will in fact, register. I really, really think the registration process, could really weed out those crazy livewires and whacky people we get on here, insulting others...a lot of the time Maybe it won't stop a lot of them, but it may possibly discourage a good many.

Posted on 18 August 2009 @ 18:7 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

that i agree with.if people like you then register! you help people,they pm you for more help..and you make friends! ive made a few whom i chat to via pm. being a dc member is great!

Posted on 18 August 2009 @ 18:13 (London time) - permalink
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Tisha-1, posted over a year ago

There's posting anonymously to deliver some sort of nasty value judgment or an abusive scolding. That I agree is a problem.

But then there is posting anonymously because you want to share something about your experiences that you don't feel comfortable having everyone know about you. Even if it is essentially an anon avatar, your 'personal life' doesn't need to be laid bare for everyone to scrutinize unless you want it to be. As Sincerely Yours wanted to be able to do, and I'll bet her insight in that area was probably helpful to the question poster.

So I guess the difference is the intent behind choosing anon. It's generally fairly easy to determine the poster's motivation.

And for heaven's sake, if people see rude, nasty, abusive answers, then REPORT them by using that voting off link on each answer! If you're not reporting these things, you are not part of the solution. This is a man-made little community and system here; therefore, it is imperfect. It's only as good as the (positive) efforts of the participants. Trolls and spammers exist in all areas of the internet--that is a fact. Even the most sophisticated anti-spam software can't keep up with the ingenuity of spammers who figure out ways of working around things.

There are truly troubled people out there who get some sort of sadistic satisfaction in castigating people. Just take a look at some of the comments posted in news sites. The most outrageous and insulting crap gets posted there. We at least do our level best to prevent that from happening here.

And finally, in the end, this is a site comprised of laypeople's opinions on relationships and sex. There are going to be differences of outlook and opinion--if there weren't, what's the point? You'd only need one person, or even an interactive computer program could probably handle many questions. Think you might be pregnant? Buy a testing kit or see a doctor. Have something odd going on with your body? Definitely see your doctor. In love with your teacher? You might cost him his career.

Perhaps a compromise solution would be to mandate having an account, but allowing 'anon' postings that would be rate-able and thus tied to the account's rating. In other words, even if you choose to go 'anon', the ratings will still be applied to your account.

Posted on 18 August 2009 @ 18:13 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

I can see SY's point. I have not answered a few times in the 2 years I have been here because I didn't want anyone to know something about either me or my wife. This was just in case someone who we know personally might find this site and put 2 and 2 together. I post enough personal info as is. I just don't like to post anon, but perhaps it is warranted in some cases.

I do sometimes wonder if a particularly insulting answer is some registered aunt who is anon for that answer, but I have never had reason to think it was a certain person.

The one anon poster who I remember was the anti-porn individual with the 6 ft 2 French boyfriend who posted many times and who the little cowgirl (now gone) and I would argue with. What fun times we had. :)

Tisha said, "Perhaps a compromise solution would be to mandate having an account, but allowing 'anon' postings that would be rate-able and thus tied to the account's rating. In other words, even if you choose to go 'anon', the ratings will still be applied to your account."

I think that's a great idea. That might lessen the really useless insulting answers. There aren't really a lot of these, but cutting a few out would be a plus. One in a good discussion can be harmful.

Posted on 18 August 2009 @ 18:20 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

There was one question that I remember where an aunt posted anon. There was good discussion, but I think that if people had known who that person was then they would have answered the question because they liked that person and wanted to help. I'll bet that a lot of aunts didn't answer, but would have if they had known. I understand that the individual didn't want to be known, but it might have helped them if they had gotten more answers from DC "friends".

Posted on 18 August 2009 @ 18:30 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

TTM, you have a good point, but what about this: If someone that wasn't very liked or known on this site, posted something as anonymous because they knew if they didn't they wouldn't get as many responses? Could be a bit far fetched but it wouldn't suprise me. Plus, knowing who they are could affect what you say and how you say it, therefor making it judgemental purely because you knwo them. Meaning in a positive AND negative way).

Posted on 18 August 2009 @ 18:38 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

You'll start to realise as I share my opinion more, I like to look at things a little differently :)

Posted on 18 August 2009 @ 18:39 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

And I love a good debate hehe :)

Posted on 18 August 2009 @ 18:49 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

I'm sure that you are correct HTH. That is why I like Tisha's suggestion. It gives all of us the choice, but would perhaps prevent someone from posting an anon insulting answer because they don't want to hurt their rating.

I can see posting a question anon because the aunt is embarrassed about his/her problem, but I think that letting us know who it is will still result in better help. For instance, my purpose for joining DC and asking my first question was my trouble getting over my wife's sexual past. The fact that I posted with my screen name helped me get in touch with a very helpful aunt who did so much for both my wife and me. Ihat would not have happened if I had been anon and I would have missed the chance at discovering a great friend. And that is not "friend", but friend. Let's assume that those thoughts return some day. It would be embarrassing for me to admit it, but doing so would most likely get me better answers from those who know me. Also, Yos and I have posted many times on that subject, telling about our experiences and how we have handled it. Us posting with our names allows an individual to look for posts by the 2 of us. We have both gotten PMs thanking us for our help and asking for more personal discussion. If we had been anon then we might not have helped those individuals.

Posted on 18 August 2009 @ 18:52 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

If Andrew isn't happy with this then perhaps he could take into account what is being said here and make changes or not. Actually, I'm off the fence, I think we should keep the anonymity. After all, there are moderators to make sure unhelpful or offensive answers don't go through, even if they are a member or not. If one slips through then it can be reported and/or deleted.

Posted on 18 August 2009 @ 19:29 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

I don't agree with people posting anon just so they don't ruin their ratings. If they want to say something and stand up for what they think, then they need actually be the one to say it. However, we have the moderators for a reason. They do their best to filter out the junk. People do have a right to hide behind their answers, whether we like it or not. Or like I said, I once included something about my past that Was very personal and only said to relate to the OP. I didnt' want people identifying that with me.

People also do it for security reasons.

Whatever their reasons, that's their right, in my opinion.

I say leave the cowards to their cowardly ways: that's their problem not ours. And let the moderators do their job.

Posted on 18 August 2009 @ 20:35 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

Oops.. sorry HTHx. I read your response and realize I said something very similar. Great, awesome, amazing minds think alike!

Posted on 18 August 2009 @ 20:37 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

Definately! And no worries! :)

Posted on 18 August 2009 @ 21:31 (London time) - permalink
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Honeypie, posted over a year ago

I agree with Irish. We are all a "little" anonymous online anyhow.

If you can't stand behind or up for what you think, then why bother answering a post?

I think most people who post anon does it so they can slam someone who's actions or post they do not agree with.

I have posted once or twice anon, but that was before I registered.

Posted on 18 August 2009 @ 21:41 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

I think I'm right in saying that even if you post something anonymously your post is still 'rateable' if you're registered.

There's a case for writng anonymously sometimes. Some people get to know each other on this site on a more personal level - emails, facebook etc., and perhaps in answering a question you might want to impart some knowledge of something that's happened to you in your past which you'd rather not make publicly attributable to you.

Posted on 18 August 2009 @ 22:58 (London time) - permalink
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Tisha-1, posted over a year ago

For example, I did not know that Uncle Phil had run off and joined the New York City Radio Hall Rockettes' kick line until he revealed it in a moving story on a thread about crushed dreams and shattered hopes.

Posted on 18 August 2009 @ 23:19 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

That was Phil!!!! I never guessed. No wonder their ticket sales increased.

Posted on 18 August 2009 @ 23:32 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

Oh my gosh, so he was the ONE I saw, with those strong curvy, lovely gams, was he?? Wow! :D

Posted on 18 August 2009 @ 23:32 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

cute! tisha has a point,some may not want people to know its them sharing a life story to help others.that is something i missed.

Posted on 19 August 2009 @ 10:18 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

That was MY point!!

Posted on 19 August 2009 @ 10:24 (London time) - permalink
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Tisha-1, posted over a year ago

She must have been distracted by your gams, Uncle Phil.

Posted on 19 August 2009 @ 11:42 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

SORRY PHIL! yes i must have been distracted on the sudden change of subject...

Posted on 19 August 2009 @ 12:50 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

Actually, wasn't that my point, like forever ago? lol

Posted on 19 August 2009 @ 14:26 (London time) - permalink
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eyeswideopen, posted over a year ago

I guess this means after all these years I need to get a profile?

Posted on 19 August 2009 @ 15:44 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

not neccessarily.the fact you have an account is good enough..i think? yes i do.

Posted on 19 August 2009 @ 15:45 (London time) - permalink
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