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Dear Cupid > Forums > Site Feedback > Is it Asshole or A____hole?

Is it Asshole or A____hole?

, posted over a year ago

Dear Moderators,

I've just been looking at very, very, long running thread, that I am actively involved with. However, I am currious about the ladies latest response. This lady is a British adult, and she has sworn and used bad words before. The aunts and uncles that have been responding (you know who you are) have been swearing and using bad words as well. In her suitation these words are needed, to express clearly the emotions the circustances bring up.

I'm confused, she was allowed to say "fuck", we are allowed to say Asshole, but today, she has been silenced and now she can only say A___hole.

Can anyone explain the logic in that......

Posted on 4 September 2008 @ 13:28 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

No link to the thread? Could be the poster wrote the censored version herself?

Waz

Posted on 4 September 2008 @ 16:7 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

A lot of Aunts and Uncles have automatic questions - as in, they don't get moderated. She might not be under this and a moderater might have zoned it off.

We do not have the time to search every question said in search of swearwords. None of us do, not even us all as a group. So ones on automatic (response?!) get away with it.

But as Waz said, its possible that she zoned it out herself.

Posted on 4 September 2008 @ 17:55 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

A good response, Gecko. You are right--It is virtually impossible to correct or amend the hundreds of postings, that contain swear words. What likely, happened, Diovan...is a moderator may have made the changes to this poster's swear words, before approving the answer. And a lot of moderators do this and some other mods, let them through without the corrections. I myself, do correct a lot of profanity on the site, and that is due to the fact, that I feel...one's feelings and thoughts can be expressed without the usage of such words. And also, I am inclined to amend these words, due to negative responses and input from readers who find the swear words quite offensive. I really think this site is a good, quality site and profanity is unecessary.

Posted on 4 September 2008 @ 18:32 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

Nope..... she has contacted me privately and asked why this has happened, that is why I brought it to your attention. I'm a bit protective of her privacy and that's why I haven't provided a link. She is not on auto approve, she waits with everyone to get her messages approved. She would not censor herself, she is truthfull with us because she wants to get the right type of help. A moderator definately censored the post, and I'm trying to find out why Asshole is not approved for her, but "fuck" has been approved before.

Posted on 4 September 2008 @ 22:58 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

Depends on the moderator, not all moderators do the same thing. Not all moderators read through the whole answer and edit it.

Posted on 4 September 2008 @ 22:59 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

Thanks Irish for your response... I understand what you say, that swear words can be offensive especially as this is an international site, and in some countries swearing is totally disapproved of. However it dosen't approve site quality when in one single thread you can see examples of swearing, then all of a sudden, words become censored. I do, and have sworn and used bad words, it is not a common thing for me, but sometimes I do feel that only such words will provide the shock value that is needed to provide a solution to a problem....

For example, a recent pervert who has made a 14 year old girl pregnant was given advice, but his repsonse showed he had no remorse and he actually told the aunts and uncles that they had been harsh. I feel that nothing except a lengthy rant with swear words would have made him realise his mistake and get him to change his ways.

I don't think this site is hear to please people who are looking for something to read. I thought it was an advice site to provide solutions to help people in their life, so sometimes, offensive words are very, very necessary to make a strong point.

Posted on 4 September 2008 @ 23:3 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

Although people need a kick up the arse, I don't think swear words help with that. Swear words show a lack of ability to use other words to release your anger.

Also, yelling at people sometimes means they don't take you seriously. Partly coz u seem out of control. If your calm about it, firm and serious - giving them that necessary kick up the arse - then they'll take you more seriously. By all means let them know they're shallow. But don't say they're fucking cunts.

Posted on 4 September 2008 @ 23:19 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

I disagree on that Diovan. Yes this is good advice site that does provide solutions to help people in their life, but one can choose to use self-control and one does not need 'swearing' to make a strong point. That is just how I feel and like you, I am merely expressing my individual opinion. Thanks for your input.

Posted on 4 September 2008 @ 23:21 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

Words are just words.. I have no idea why you think that swearing shows a lack of control.... Using swear words, as and when they are needed, shows a great command of the English language. Banning certain words, sanitizing language, I feel is dangerous, and stops real emotions and real expression from coming out... There is nothing wrong with good old Anglo-Saxon swear words. There is no list of which words are better than others, all words are good, words are made to communicate and express things that's why they all should be used...

For example.. Take a look at the "Vagina Monologues".. in that show, I'm sure they use words we would consider rude, words like cunt and pussy, are needed to properly discuss the issues surrounding a woman's reproductive organs. The show would have less dramatic effect if only the word "Vagina" was used...

An example from another British play is "Shopping and Fucking", the author that created that title was not out of control. He was very controlled, and found a perfect title to make sure his production was noticed and made sure that people would be intrigued enough to pay to come to see it. It wouldn't have the same ring if he had called it "Making love and Shopping" would it.

People talk about Shakespeare, well Shakespeare talks about sex and uses bad words.. But because they are from hundreds of years ago, the shock value has now been lost.

So I value your individual opinion, but do moderators have the right to censor other people and make them sound like somebody else? Freedom of expression, isn't that a cornerstone of freedom in our modern world?

Posted on 5 September 2008 @ 13:27 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

Hey, I'm one of the Queens of kick right up someone's ass and I find it odd that because of this, I am not on auto approve.

Now alot of my posts aren't being posted but i don't complain. I'm playing by the rules and hoping those who enjoy hearing my advice, post my responses.

So if she is being censored, big deal. It's not a whole thought process that is being deleted.

Right now I'm averaging 2 out of 10 of my posts get posted.

C'est la vie.

I was told by the creator of this site, he trusts and relies on an Aunt's/ Uncle's judgement, that is why they are moderators.

So with this, it is indeed up to the moderator if they choose to censor or not and with this, we have no power or choice but to live with that censor.

Posted on 5 September 2008 @ 14:58 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

And to answer your original question...it's both. :D

Posted on 5 September 2008 @ 15:0 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

lol... :D

Posted on 5 September 2008 @ 15:33 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

I still think the blank in "A___hole" could have been inserted by the poster themself Diovan. Havent seen the answer which you are referring to so couldn't say for sure.

But how moderators edit posts is normally down to context and their own personal judgement. You make a very good point about swearing in context and freedom of people to express themselves in their own way and not by having others imposing their personal values or morals upon them.

Yet at the same time you ask that all moderators should operate collectively on the issue. Isn't that a wee bit contradictory? I certainly agree that if stronger language is used for emphasis then it should be permitted providing it is in context and not used simply to lend colour to a post that is nothing more than a tirade of childish abuse. Other mods think there should be no swearies at all.

The guidelines to the mods comes under the umbrella rule of not causing unecessary offence to others.

So how each individual moderator interpretates that is down to the character of the individual. Wouldnt you agree that moderators should also have the same freedoms to be themselves that you are asking from others?

And at the end of the day agreived users who feel they have been unfairly censored always have the option of bringing their case to the Site Questions section. That's what it's here for.

Waz

Posted on 5 September 2008 @ 15:39 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

Stuff and bother Waz...... Why don't you go and fly off on your magic carpet, hopefully you will fall off....

Yes you are right, perfectly right of course. People have the right to express themself how they want, and of course, moderators have the right to censor or not, as they feel it is appropriate...

Thank you for reminding me that "one size dose not fit all"

Posted on 5 September 2008 @ 16:17 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

Of course we have the right. Although not as extreme as racism, anything that would offend other people would be censored.

Anger shows lack of control. Swearing just sounds pathetic. There are better words to use, but people can't be asked to look them up. Your examples aren't exactly the best ones to use. They use the words they did to attract the type of audience. The first one seeming possibly a lil more 'mature' than the second one. Second one was possibly more simple as a play if u understand me.

Any use of vulgar language shows lack of education, particularly in adults, and I stand by that.

I swear occasionally. Its not good. But expressing how angry we are in swear words is a bit pointless. It'll make their situation worse, or they just won't take it seriously.

They have the upper hand already if they reply calmy back. Shows they are more incontrol if their own problem.

Posted on 5 September 2008 @ 21:32 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

Gecko-I often tell people that I can be a bit of an arsehole at times and that I occassionaly fuck up. This is me admitting that I am human ie; I make mistakes. Does the language I use matter?

I have a University Degree in Economics. So surely that kinda poos on your "lack of education" accusation about peoples use of swearie words for emphasis?

But conventional education means jack shit to me. Those who have interesting experience in the University of Life are the ones who we learn the most from.

Intelectual or moral snobbery is not a suitable substitute for experience. That is just my humble belief, it is a simple statement of opinion not a provocation to those who differ have any cause to be offended.

Waz

Posted on 5 September 2008 @ 22:9 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

True, I just copied a quote my Science teacher said to me.

But I still stand by what I said. It shows lack of intelligence to use a word other than vulgar language - and it is vulgar. It shows lack of vocabularly. Lack of control...

I swear too. I sometimes explode into fits of rage and every word in the book comes outa my head. But it shows I have lack of control over what I'm saying.

Swearing isn't a good thing. You may say its just a word but if its just a word, why does everyone make a fuss over it?! Why do schools ban children saying it?!

Posted on 5 September 2008 @ 22:38 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

Gecko.. I probably own over 20,000 books, (well far too many to count) I have been reading fluently on my own since the age of 4. At times it was normal to me to read about 6 books a night. In my primary school, they had to give me all the new books, and increase their budget just for me. By the age of 10, I was given access to the adults library because they had could not satisfy me with their budget for new books. I must live next to a library or I go insane. I can't even beginning to think of the amount of books I have read.

I have a large vocabulary, very large indeed. I think you are wrong. There is no link between intelligence and swearing. As far as I am aware, some of the most cleverest people in the world love to swear. If you ever hang out in a teachers restroom, you will soon find that out. Blessings.

Posted on 5 September 2008 @ 23:3 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

PS: Children are children and adults are adults. Swearing should be an adult activity, just like drinking and having sex. I don't expect children to have sex, but that dosen't mean that sex is bad or wrong, it's just not appropriate for children.

Posted on 5 September 2008 @ 23:6 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

I never did though, but they were all against swearing. Swore under my breath once and I got the yelling of my life. Said for godsake and they threw a hissy fit. If it offends people then it shouldn't be said.

Why don't you actually use a word then if your vocab. is so big to cover up your swearing?! As I've said, I swear, but its not a good thing. It offends people and as such people should respect them and not say it.

There is a correlation. People with a poorer education are more likely to swear. I'm not saying anybody on this site has had a poor education, because none of you appear like you have. I'm not suggesting that your all stupid, or thick. Because your really not.

However everything I said before I stand by. You can by all mean argue your cases. I only know one 'smart' person in the world that loves to swear and thats George Bush. Do u really think he counts?!

Posted on 5 September 2008 @ 23:9 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

Sorry didn't get your last one before I sent it. How does that work?! If they're just words then surely everyone can say it?! Why are you suddenly allowed to say bad words when your an adult?! Coz ur not sweet and innocent anymore?!

I think getting pregnant at 13 and having sex young is a big difference between that and swearing.

Posted on 5 September 2008 @ 23:11 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

If swearing is used in excess,then yes Gecko we should mock and ridicule the persons lack of reasonable arguement. Same as excessive use of block caps yeah?

But it is also good fun to laugh at ourselves and swearies sometimes helps that process.

Waz

Posted on 5 September 2008 @ 23:26 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

Adults have their activities that are not appropriate for children. I stand by that. Get pregnant is an adult activity, swearing and drinking is also an adult activity, therefore in my mind they are things that children shouldn't do. If alcohol is alright surely everyone should do it, if sex is alright surely everyone should do it... nope your argument dosen't work, but mine does. Children should do children things and adults should do adult things.

Yes people with poor education swear, so do people with good education and lots of money. I've been told that a family that like to swear a lot is the British Royal family, and we surely can't say that they have gaps in their education...

I might even go as far to say that it might be the case that the "uneducated" person is someone who decideds to become offended over plain English words...

Posted on 5 September 2008 @ 23:26 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

I might even go as far to say that it might be the case that the "uneducated" person is someone who decideds to become offended over plain English words...

Posted on 5 September 2008 @ 23:26 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

Stuttering is not due to a lack of education, it's a technical disease. Sorry, stupid bloody website.

Posted on 5 September 2008 @ 23:27 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

True, adults to have activities that aren't appropriate for children. Alcohol is only okay in small doses, and I know parents (including one of my old teachers - who had a PhD - and was planning on letting his children drink with a meal when they reached 5).

He was also against swearing.

I never questioned the Royal Families education. But swearing still isn't a good thing. It doesn't show the best in people. Doesn't show respect for other people's wishes - a lot of people don't like swearing or hearing swear words.

To the point, we censor the words on here because of that. If anything offends people, then we remove it. Its a rule that we have to follow.

I don't think typing in block characters is quite the same as swearing, but thats besides the point.

How can people be offended over plain English words?! They can't swear their way through life. They have to speak something.

Posted on 5 September 2008 @ 23:35 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

Thinking about the Royal Family, if it wasn't that bad to swear. Why wouldn't they say it all the time?! Why wouldn't it be censored on TV?!

Because it offends people. Because its vulgar language. And because, particularly on the early side of 9pm - people with children watch it. If it wasn't that bad, everyone would say it. There wouldn't be problems with it.

I agree to the fact that sometimes people have to release some kind of word. And they are designed to be curse words. But repeatedly (as Waz said and I do agree with you), and disrespectfully isn't at all good.

Posted on 5 September 2008 @ 23:41 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

So we are reaching a place somewhere in the middle. Writing in capital letters is considered shouting, and it really hurts my eyes, so I don't read anything when people write like this.

Repeatedly swearing in conversation of course is no good, because you I don't understand when people talk like this. Of course you need to use swear words, when and if they are needed. Swearing all the time comes across like a angry rant instead of a conversation, and therefore it is useless.

Offending people is another issue. I get offended when people mention god, should I ask for them to be censored too. To me, the views some religious people spout are offensive, but I think in a free society there is space for everyone to make their views known. I don't seek to offend, I am me, and I live my life the best way I know how. People choose to become offended, they choose to want to censor other people and control the world. People, can like me, always take the opportunity to look in the mirror and ask themselves, why should I judge and demand other people be like me. Isn't their space for all different types of people in the world. Because you don't like swearing should I stop? Why should I, there may be tons of things that you don't like, should I stop doing them too. You may find short skirts offensive, should I change my dress to suit you. You may find make up on women offensive, you may find the word 'ain't, or gay, or dwarf offensive. This world would be a lot happier, if people stopped getting offended over little things and got on with their own lives....

You choose to get offended, people do not choose to cause offence, you get hurt by people's actions, why, because you are trying to control the world.

Posted on 6 September 2008 @ 0:16 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

Back to the original question.. Asshole or A__hole, isn't it strange to censor this on a board which talks about anal sex?

Posted on 6 September 2008 @ 0:19 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

Still not good use of language

Posted on 6 September 2008 @ 0:20 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

And do u mean me personally controlling the world?! Coz there is no way in hell I'm trying to control the world.

As I have said, Irish has said and many other people would agree, we censor these things out because it might be offensive to the question asker. You can by all means ask them to stop insulting God, but I am not and I know you are not, trying to make them in the wrong.

People believe in different things you just have to respect that. But as you have said, adults to adult things, children do children things. Children go on this site. Surely adults should set the example!?

Posted on 6 September 2008 @ 0:23 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

Of course I don't mean you generally, that would personalize things and then you would have every right to be offended.

Children come on this site.. well dear Gecko that is a whole other ball game. As I said there are fairly explicit instructions about extreme sexual activities, and this dose concern me, much more than the problem of swearing and censoring....

Posted on 6 September 2008 @ 0:29 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

Absoutely, and people do get away with swearing on this site.

Depends on the moderator. I censor it - particularly if the person is particularly offensive - and I remove the whole sentence completely if theres multiple swear words. This is about helping people. This isn't about offending people. Heck it isn't even about this debate.

But anything that could offend someone I remove, and I stand by that. I stand by my views, I accept that u have urs, but I'm not gonna argue with this anymore.

Posted on 6 September 2008 @ 0:31 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

Do I get the last word........ :^D

Posted on 6 September 2008 @ 1:21 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

Probably

Posted on 6 September 2008 @ 1:23 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

Thanks.... :^)

Posted on 6 September 2008 @ 2:33 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

Yah...wot he said.

In the end, you choose to "care" and take offense when none may not even be given.

Posted on 6 September 2008 @ 5:2 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

Diovan please take a wee time out from the cat fighting there. Otherwise you are gonna get sin binned. :-)

Now play nicely people.

Cuppa anyone? \-/

Waz

Posted on 6 September 2008 @ 8:0 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

I'll pop over to the Waz bar and get some whisky...

Posted on 6 September 2008 @ 8:9 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

Theres no point arguing about this anymore. We and many other people have explained why we have censored swear words, and thats the point. By all means when/if u become a moderator, keep swear words up.

Its ur opinion at the end of the day. Leave Fade alone Diovan, and leave Diovan alone Fade. Don't bother apologizing to each other, just move on and give ur opinions to people that need it.

Posted on 6 September 2008 @ 10:47 (London time) - permalink
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