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St. Patrick's Day

eyeswideopeneyeswideopen, posted over a year ago

What is Irish and stays out all night?

Posted on 10 March 2014 @ 18:2 (London time) - permalink
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Tisha-1Tisha-1, posted over a year ago

Patty O'Furniture!

Posted on 10 March 2014 @ 22:7 (London time) - permalink
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eyeswideopeneyeswideopen, posted over a year ago

Dang it Tish

Posted on 11 March 2014 @ 9:54 (London time) - permalink
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eyeswideopeneyeswideopen, posted over a year ago

An Irish man walks into a pub. The bartender asks him, “what’ll you have?” The man says, “Give me three pints of Guinness please.”

So the bartender brings him three pints and the man proceeds to alternately sip one, then the other, then the third until they’re gone. He then orders three more.

The bartender says, “Sir, I know you like them cold. You don’t have to order three at a time. I can keep an eye on it and when you get low I’ll bring you a fresh cold one.”

The man says, “You don’t understand. I have two brothers, one in Australia and one in the States. We made a vow to each other that every Saturday night we’d still drink together. So right now, my brothers have three Guinness Stouts too, and we’re drinking together.

The bartender thought that was a wonderful tradition.

Every week the man came in and ordered three beers. Then one week he came in and ordered only two. He drank them and then ordered two more.

The bartender said to him, “I know what your tradition is, and I’d just like to say that I’m sorry that one of your brothers died.”

The man said, “Oh, me brothers are fine – I just quit drinking.”

Posted on 11 March 2014 @ 14:47 (London time) - permalink
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C. GrantC. Grant, posted over a year ago

An Irishman, by the name of O'Malley proposed to his girl on St. Patrick's Day. He gave her a ring with a synthetic diamond. The excited young lass showed it to her father, a jeweller. He took one look at it and saw it wasn't real.

The young lass on learning it wasn't real returned to her future husband. She protested vehemently about his cheapness.

'It was in honour of St. Patrick's Day, 'he smiled.

'I gave you a sham rock.'

Posted on 12 March 2014 @ 17:54 (London time) - permalink
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eyeswideopeneyeswideopen, posted over a year ago

On the bus Paddy got chatting to Murphy who was carrying a bag on his backWill and Guy's Irish Jokes

'What's in the bag?' asked Paddy

'I'm not going to tell', replied Murphy

'Go on, do.' pleaded Paddy.

'Ah, all right then, it's ducks.' announced Murphy

'If I guess how many ducks you have in the bag, will you give me one of them?' enquired Paddy

'Look', said Murphy, 'If you guess the correct number, I'll give you both of them.'

Posted on 13 March 2014 @ 15:0 (London time) - permalink
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eyeswideopeneyeswideopen, posted over a year ago

Paddy Reilly hoisted his beer and said: “Here’s to spending the rest of me life between the legs of me wife!” – and he took home the top prize for the best toast of the night.

In bed later that night, he told his wife: “Mary, I won the prize for the best toast of the night.” She said, “Aye, Paddy, what was your toast?”

So he told her: “Here’s to spending the rest of me life sitting in church beside me wife.”

“Oh,” she said, “that is very nice, dear.”

The next day, Mary ran into one of Paddy’s drinking partners in the street. Mischievously, the man said: “Did you hear about your husband winning a prize in the pub the other night for a toast about you, Mary?”

She replied: “Aye – and I was a bit surprised. Till now, he’s only been down there twice. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come”.

Posted on 14 March 2014 @ 20:57 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

Q: What do urine samples and Canadian beer have in common?

A: The taste!

Posted on 16 March 2014 @ 23:12 (London time) - permalink
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