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Dear Cupid > Forums > Cupid's Lounge > Questions via Private Message

Questions via Private Message

Illithid, posted over a year ago

I've noticed this happens periodically, and I doubt I'm the only one. I will randomly get a private message from someone new to the site, generally someone that has either never answered a question or has only answered one, that is asking me for advice about something. Now, this is an advice site, granted, but I am getting this question straight into my inbox instead of it being posted publicly as a normal question should.

I haven’t answered one that the user “saddness” sent me 14 hours ago, so she’s already sent me two more private messages nagging me for an answer already. It hasn’t even been a day, and she’s already hounding me personally, insisting that I need to help her now now now go man right this second stop what you’re doing and reply.

What is the best thing to do about these random PM questions?

Posted on 27 March 2010 @ 15:51 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

i get these too. I think we all do. Refer them to the main forum. I used to answer but they just never stop. And block them if it gets obnoxious. Also do let a mod know of any inappropriate communications so the poster can be dealt with. Thanks, mal

Posted on 27 March 2010 @ 16:30 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

I agree with mal, if someone is really nagging you for a response, they will probably be better off posting their question on the main part of the site.

I guess I'm lucky that the people who PM me tend to be very polite and respectful of the time I take to reply to them. But occasionally there will always be some people who aren't nice, or who get all bad-tempered. In that kind of situation, I would just tell them that you are unable to help them, and leave it at that. If they continue to pester you, block them. And like mal said, if they are being abusive or inappropriate, report them.

Also, just a thought, if you'd prefer to not receive private messages, you could let people know on your profile, to deter them. That helps me if I know I'm going to be really busy for a while!

Posted on 27 March 2010 @ 19:18 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

Yeah we can do all that. Or we could give them an answer. That might help them too.

I have had the most profane PM's about my answers "out there". I Pm'd them back and we both clarified out positions and thoughts, and usually end up on friendly terms.

In two and a half years, I have never reported a poster to a mod. I have also never blocked a soul.

Posted on 27 March 2010 @ 19:22 (London time) - permalink
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Illithid, posted over a year ago

I messaged her back explaining that I haven't got a good answer for her question, but if she would like some help, the main site would be the best place to go. I also commented that she seemed to be in a hurry, in which case the main site would also be a faster place to get a reply than messaging an individual that may or may not be online and ready to respond within a day (or 14 hours, in her case).

I haven't heard back yet, and I don't expect to have to block or report this user. I just wondered what you guys do when someone PM's for advice instead of asking the site normally.

Posted on 27 March 2010 @ 19:51 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

What was her question?

Posted on 27 March 2010 @ 19:56 (London time) - permalink
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Illithid, posted over a year ago

It's hard to tell what she was actually asking in between all the broken grammar, half formed sentences, and contradictions. She said she's Irish, but I don't think English is her first language.

Near as I can figure, it's something about why men boast about their girlfriends to her while she's unable to get a date.

Posted on 27 March 2010 @ 20:5 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

i have answered everything but naked pic request by a woman who said she loved my profile. At the time i didnt have one. I finally blocked her. The only one i ever blocked...The circumcision ones i gave a link. Everything else i tried to answer.

Posted on 27 March 2010 @ 22:14 (London time) - permalink
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Myau, posted over a year ago

I just got a mail from sadness saying the same thing.

Not sure she would want me to answer though as my advice would be to tidy up, stop feeling sorry for herself and try smiling sometimes.

From my life experences I always find it hard to believe a girl never has a bf. The very worst girls Ive met have had several bf's

Posted on 28 March 2010 @ 0:5 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

Buds ....

I bet I know who this chick is. There was a girl about a year and a half ago that I am pretty sure was Irish, but who's English was off enough that it made it sound like it was her second language. Like she was from the Caribbean. Do you guys remember "willow" from about a year or so ago. She was one of Tisha-1's special projects and then got sort of handed off to me. I spent ALOT of time speaking to her and it is like talking to a a brick wall. If you can paste Tisha a PM I bet she could tell you by the speech patterns if it is her. All in all, for every hour I spent with this chick, Tisha probably spent five. So she knows her like a book. Hates men. Thinks men are the root of all evil. And at the same time laments not having a relationship with one. Ex got a new girl and moved to America? That's her if that's what bug is up her a**. I would imagine the old posts from her are still around.

Posted on 28 March 2010 @ 0:36 (London time) - permalink
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Myau, posted over a year ago

I figured that she was just an attention seeker.

As I have sid under my old alias's notsograt and Ingwe, I have more than enough good reasons to absolutely hate women.

But I dont.

Theres nothing more pathetic than somone who just wants to blame everyone else for their BS

Posted on 28 March 2010 @ 4:59 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

Have you put something on your profile asking people not to PM you directly with questions? That seems like the simplest thing to do. And if someone's being obnoxious or pestering you then hell yeah tell them to post the question on the site and bock them.

It's only happened to me a couple of times. I don't mind, but I'd be more comfortable if they posted on the site so they get responses from more people, then they can make a better decision. I'd hate for someone to do something I said and it turn out to be the wrong thing.

I got one from a woman who's boyfriend was screwing around on her. She posted a public message and everyone told her to dump him. So she PMed me and asked what I thought and I said I agreed with eveyone else and she should dump him and make a clean break. She wrote back to me very agry telling me "He's fucking other girls and I should make a clean break!? Why the hell would I do that?" I blocked her and made a note in my 'women are odd' file.

Posted on 28 March 2010 @ 7:53 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

i dont mind the personal pms and questions. In fact i like them for the most part. Its just those occasional creepy ones...

Posted on 28 March 2010 @ 12:43 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

wait...women are odd file? Do you have a men are odd too, file, or do women have a monopoly? And muay are you ingwe and notsogreat? If so why?

Posted on 28 March 2010 @ 12:49 (London time) - permalink
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Illithid, posted over a year ago

Hey, I'm not odd... Oh... You probably meant other men. Nevermind.

Posted on 28 March 2010 @ 16:34 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

[quote]wait...women are odd file? Do you have a men are odd too, file, or do women have a monopoly?[/quote]

Men are odd, but I understand them. I don't understand women.

[quote]And muay are you ingwe and notsogreat? If so why?[/quote]

Eh?

Posted on 29 March 2010 @ 11:47 (London time) - permalink
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Myau, posted over a year ago

why not?

Posted on 29 March 2010 @ 15:38 (London time) - permalink
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eyeswideopen, posted over a year ago

I remember being stucked in by Willow also. A very disturbed female.

Posted on 29 March 2010 @ 16:7 (London time) - permalink
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celtic_tiger, posted over a year ago

muay/ingwe/notsogreat

Surely the whole point of having a name, is that so everyone knows who you are? If you keep changing it, people will get confused!

What is the point in swapping, and deleteing accounts? Just sounds a bit odd really.....

And why are you now in Ireland? Whereabouts in Ireland are you now?

Posted on 30 March 2010 @ 2:27 (London time) - permalink
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Myau, posted over a year ago

Hello Celtic

I have changed my handle for personal reasons, and I live in australia, but my family is friom Ireland, and i look more like them.

As for geting confused, i think you will find on the net that almost everyone is pretending to be someone they arnt.

But to get back on topic, I worry about answering these types of posts as I dont see hwr trying to resove any issues in her life, I feel she just wants to cry at us.

Posted on 30 March 2010 @ 6:2 (London time) - permalink
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celtic_tiger, posted over a year ago

Can you stick with this one ingwe.... my brain wont cope otherwise! lol

Posted on 30 March 2010 @ 12:54 (London time) - permalink
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Myau, posted over a year ago

Call me Myau :) Since I made the effort to find the pic, Im pretty sure ill be sticking with it for a while.

But no promises

Posted on 30 March 2010 @ 13:54 (London time) - permalink
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celtic_tiger, posted over a year ago

Thank you Myau, that will save me from getting confused :D

It happens easily....

Posted on 30 March 2010 @ 16:34 (London time) - permalink
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Illithid, posted over a year ago

I never even knew Ingwe was Notsogreat. I feel out of the loop.

But for what it's worth, I'm using the same name that I started off with. I very very seldom switch names. Too much bother.

Posted on 30 March 2010 @ 19:22 (London time) - permalink
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CLM, posted over a year ago

Please just write to her and simply state that you'd like to just clarify the process - she could have quicker responses if the correct process was followed. It's the best way... Carol

Posted on 1 April 2010 @ 23:20 (London time) - permalink
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CLM, posted over a year ago

Guys often brag/boast about their girlfriends to other women because they are hinting and hoping to turn on someone else with the story. It is a form of game playing and hinting that they are interested in her. It sounds weird but I have seen it happen so many times. I just ignore the comments, keep it real and keep it moving.

Posted on 1 April 2010 @ 23:30 (London time) - permalink
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Myau, posted over a year ago

I would only boast about my gf if the realtionship was a good one and I was excited or if Im trying to get the girl to understand that Im not interested.

If I wanted a girl, I doubt id talk about another girl

Posted on 4 April 2010 @ 16:51 (London time) - permalink
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