| , posted
over a year ago
When I was very young to recent-young [wink], I had to endure mental and emotional independence - basically learn to live with it on my own. I always rebelled against what I felt was unjust and unfair to me. This lead to anti-conformity throughout the latter half of high school. It was easy to see through people's facades, acts, two-faceness because I thought the 'light' was too bright and thus saw with my mind's eye, or intuition.
With all that said, after high school, I allowed a good portion of my inner-demons take control of me. It wasn't until about 2 and a half years ago that I thought I will live through life in pure darkness. Mind you, to this day, I still believe/feel that living in darkness is a lot more perceptive and truthful than living in blinding light.
About 9 years ago, my 7th (youngest) aunt on my mom's side gave birth to a boy named Brandon. For some reason, he attached himself to me since then. Two and a half years ago, Brandon brought his two wheeled bicycle over. It had training wheels on.
I remember we rode around the park, took out his frisbee and threw it at each other, and played at the playground. It was fun. Then another day, he came over again and we rode around the high school I attended years back. I was sitting at the curb, watching him ride in circles while he was telling me a story about something. A light-bulb went off in my head and I said something like, "Hey, ride over here." After awhile, I got his training wheels off and spent about two and a half hours teaching him how to ride two wheels, showed him how to put his foot down before he feels he will fall, how to and when to brake, etc, etc.
When he finally got the courage to ride on his own, turn with the corner, go over the 'little' bumps on the road, and brake before rolling over my feet, a massive feeling of happiness and relief came over me. It was as though every bit of that 'negativity' in which I went through for nearly two decades temporarily washed away in those few moments.
I was so proud of Brandon, and I had sudden images of memories from the years passed since he was born. I remember giving him one of his first head-hair washes - he was super afraid of water on his face, and I somehow was able to make laugh instead, or times where we played hide-and-go-seek, and so on and so forth.
At that moment in time, I looked up at the beautiful blue skies, not a cloud in sight, looked around me with the leaves from the maple trees starting to fall off their stems, then back at Brandon and I felt that life was indeed very absolutely gorgeous.
[smiles]
I think a large part of that has to do with the emotional and mental independence I had to deal with at a very young age. Having the opportunity to give emotional and mental and physical comfort to someone so young, gave me a lot of emotional satisfaction. I thought, no one should have to grow up even amidst good parenting, alone.
8]
ps: my parents were good enough, they just didn't know how to understand or take initiative to understand.
Here's a personal line I always tell my closest friends/family, "Life is beautiful It gives a lot. It is the world that is ugly. That it takes it all away from us."
Posted on 24 August 2006 @ 7:5 (London time) - permalink
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